What's a Delmer Look Like?

June 24, 2008

Clint Eastwoodness

The men in my family seem to have a Clint-Eastwoodian sense of right and wrong. And like Clint we're not afraid to mete out a little justice when the situation calls for it. I'm not necessarily talking about big things — we've got law enforcement agencies to take care of those items and if we were to be honest they don't want us in their way (not that that ever stopped Clint, but he had a bevy of writers working for him).  Also the things they deal with don't always impact us in a manner that leaves us saying, "I wish I would have done this or that… then."

Several years ago Granny and Big D (my mom and dad for the newer readers) were in a fast food place; my children were with them. At the table next to them was a group of young people who were using language, in a conversational tone, which my dad didn't think he nor his dining companions should be exposed to. Dad gave the young people a few minutes to note they weren't the only ones in the restaurant and maybe reign the cursing in. When that didn't happen he slapped his hand down and in his authoritative-booming-dad voice said, "That's enough of that." I honestly think when I heard this story it was told with dad slapping his hand in the middle of the foul-mouthed-patrons' table. In any case, the cursing stopped and the conversation turned more toward the rudeness of the big old guy; they seemed to be clueless that tossing "fuck" around between French fries might put some people off. I believe that conversation was held as the foul-mouthed-diners filed out of the restaurant. 

Another time Big D was at a campground and overheard a father tell his son, "Michael, don't run off and leave your sister," and assumed it to mean maybe little Mikey had been running off and leaving his sibling to run crying after him and that Mike's dad was tired of it. The next day Big D was at the campground's carryout and saw Michael and his sis buying snacks. After the little boy paid he made a dash for the door leaving his sister at the counter. "Michael," dad said, and the kid froze, "don't you run off and leave your sister." And he didn't. And if your name is Michael and you were anywhere within three counties of my dad that day you didn't run off and leave your sister either. Such is the power of my dad's dad voice, will, psyche and Clint-Eastwoodness.

In the above examples he isn't exactly stopping bank robbers but he did make the world better for anybody who didn't care to hear thoughtless kids tossing F bombs over lunch and for a little girl who was buying snacks. And I'm certain he could stop bank robbers if the situation ever arose: "You, with the gun! That's enough of that! Give the money back!" 

You may recall my frustration with idiots who text in theaters and the steps I've taken to keep that behavior from being a bother to those of us who came to watch a movie. And my possibly-poorly-thought-out chasing down of people who yell at me while biking (though I maintain that may eventually keep idiots from yelling a someone else and distracting them to the point they crash into the ditch… oooh, that's a weak one). And there was the shopping cart incident that I can't find the entry to link to.

Hmmm. Maybe I'm just an asshole.

Anyway, this past Sunday, Samson and I rode our bicycles up the bike path and then to the local carryout for refreshments. At the door of the carryout was a very young brunette gal who politely stopped us and asked if we had any "spare change for gas." The brunette was likely somewhere around 20, perhaps just under 18 or just over 22. Having a choice of tossing a twenty at her or three ones, I gave her three ones; I figured I'd give her two more after Sam and I had our drinks.

While Samson and I paid, another patron asked the clerks if they knew anything about the gal panhandling outide; one of them got on the phone to the owner.

The carryout emptied except for Sam, me and two clerks. As we sat sipping our pops the young gal came in, apparently having gotten all the money she needed, paid for her gas and asked for a pack of cigarettes.

"I gave you that money for gas," I boomed from where Samson and I were sitting. The clerks turned and looked at me though the brunette appeared not to hear.

My thought was the brunette and I had a verbal contract of sorts. She asked for money for gas and I gave her some. She did not ask for money for cigarettes and while I'd have happily bent the contract to allow for snacks and a pop, tobacco products fall outside of my contract bending. I'm guessing the gal could have argued the point that while she'd asked me for gas money she'd asked the next person for cigarette money and they'd tossed some cash at her — I don't think Perry Mason would have believed it and neither would I, but it didn't matter; she wasn't interested in arguing her point so much as she was scurrying out of the carryout.

"That was really good," said Samson, more about the boomyness of my voice than my oddball sense of right-and-wrong.

Later, when he told his brothers about it he said, "Dad sounded just like Big D."

[I was just the smallest bit irritated with the brunette because I expected honesty from her. I've given seemingly-intoxicate homeless folks money "for food" when they've asked me even though I've suspected they might use at least part of it for Thunderbird; that was my expectation and it was my hope they'd buy at least a little food. (I've bought food for people too, rather than hand off cash — it depended on the situation and my fatherhood status at the time.) "Can you spare a few dollars" would not have come with any strings. "Can you spare a few dollars for gas" comes with strings as the "for gas" portion suggests a specific need — a need she felt to mention as it made her more a damsel in distress than it did a person with poor budgetary skills. I'm not saying it'll make sense to everybody.]

The following photo is a Flickr photo inserted using Linear (formerly Ecto); it's inserted as an image of medium size. AND, it's the Iron Sheik, Haydn, Jack and Samson. 

Technorati Tags: Flickr, Wrestling

Posted by delmer at 7:07 AM | Comments (9)

April 13, 2008

The Wells Dynasty

Haydn, Jack, Sam and I had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings this past Friday night. As you may recall, Haydn currently holds the local store's record for the Blazin' Wing Challenge (at 2:28) and was, until Friday, the youngest person to complete the challenge.

What is the Blazin' Wing Challenge? Well, you have to eat twelve Blazin' Hot Wings in six minutes or less.  If you do it you get your picture taken and a free bright orange shirt.

We ended up at B-dubs as Jack wanted to have a crack at the challenge.

I'd had Blazin' wings a couple of times before.  I like wings and realizing (1) they have a high-calorie to nutrition quotient and (2) I can eat them just like they were potato chips, I'd order the Blazin' wings as a way to help me throttle back the speed with which I'd eat them. I'd typically eat one or two and sweat profusely while I tried to put the mouth-fire out with beer or Diet Pepsi.

The thought of going through twelve in six minutes seemed a bit intimidating but I thought I'd join Jack in his quest. Haydn figured he'd give it another go to see if he could better his time.  Sammo thought better of the whole thing and decided he'd watch and provide moral support.

Prior to the start Haydn commented that when he'd tried it the first time he hadn't noticed the burning so much until wing ten.

Jack started eating just a second after the wings arrived. This was a signal to the guy with the watch, and the Guinness Book of World Records rep, to start the timer.

"Is it time to go?" Asked Haydn

"Yes," I said.

"Now?"

"Yes," I said as I picked up my first wing.

"But I didn't know it was time to start."

In the end Haydn finished in 2:33, I hit 2:55, and Jack came in at 3:33. Making us a Blazin' Wing Eating Dynasty. (We are such the dynasty that if you type BW3 Blazin Challenge into a Google Images search just about every page past the first one contains images from WADLL.)

Without the late start, Haydn would have beat his old time. Had I been interested in looking like a super-glutton I could have done better as well. As it was I sort of casually worked my way through them.

Per Haydn's earlier remark, I can't say I noticed any uncomfortableness until about wing ten. And while it may have been wing ten when things got uncomfortable, the inside of my mouth burned for a fair amount of time after wing twelve.  I also had some nice forehead sweating going.

Jack and Haydn had individual pictures taken.  Sam and I had a group shot done.

In the end we each, all four of us, got shirts.

Posted by delmer at 10:01 PM | Comments (7)

April 6, 2008

In kid news today

Jack caught an outfield fly to retire the opposing team in a Little League game.  Even the parents on the other team cheered him. He also had a RBI.

Haydn ate twelve blazin' wings at BW3 in 2:28 which knocked almost a full minute off the previous record. He got a shirt and his name on the leader board.  He is the youngest person, by seven years, to have met the "12 Blazin' Wings in 6 Minutes Challenge."

While Samson didn't do anything of note with regard to sports or culinary feats, he was adorable (all day long) nonetheless.

Posted by delmer at 1:08 PM | Comments (0)

February 23, 2008

More Scanned Photos

This photo was taken April 6, 1996, per the time stamp.   Jack is just under a year old and Haydn is two and a half. I'm very close to 36.

 

I've said a lot, in the past, about not being much of a smiler. My boys are always able to bring one out of me.

Posted by delmer at 12:34 PM | Comments (4)

February 22, 2008

His name is Jack, he might attack ...

Once upon a time, Jack was very small and I had a beard that stayed brown all by itself. 

I get a little teary when I look at this photo (and some others like it); I thought I'd share it with you.

 

 

Posted by delmer at 8:56 PM | Comments (2)

January 26, 2008

More Disney Memories

And now, my favorite Disney memories by child (and you'll notice the clever use of blurry photos in this entry).

Samson: Having him drive me around in the motorized race cars. This was Samson's favorite ride and we took several turns at it. What I thought was interesting was that Samson complained that the cars with the steering wheel on the right-hand side were harder to drive. I told him that I knew exactly what he meant.

 

Jack: Jack and I sat next to each other in the Aerosmith Roller Coaster. The cars whip around the track to the tune of "Dude Looks Like a Lady." The whole time Jack was sitting next to me he was singing along with as much as he knew of the song which was pretty much, "Doo doo… doo doo… dude looks like a lady.  Doo doo… doo doo… dude looks like a lady." Coincidentally, that's the same parts of the song I know.

 

Haydn: Spent a lot of time with the Disney Club that's set aside for older kids. He went off on his own, to this supervised activity, and came to the stateroom when he was supposed to, a bit after 2 a.m.  It was very late, and it was something new for us. Even though we were on a boat and he wasn't just running around wild, I had worry that I wouldn't normally have.  Haydn behaved responsibly and didn't do anything to make me regret the trust I had in him. 

 

 

 

Posted by delmer at 11:17 PM | Comments (1)

January 20, 2008

Off the boat and to Disney's Animal Kingdom Villas

Today the plan was to have breakfast at 7 a.m. and then roll off the boat. I, honestly, had some concerns about being able to mobilize everybody in time to make breakfast and was tickled when I woke up around 6.

Without getting into all the magic (some of it Disney, some of it mine) involved I'll skip to the part where the boys and I decided to scoot off the boat at 7 in an attempt to avoid the going-through-customs crowd.

Around 7:15 the all clear was given to exit the boat. As fast as we could walk we had our luggage, cleared customs, and were sitting on our butts drinking pop. It couldn't have taken five minutes.

When you compare this to the fear I had of standing in a customs line for an hour, with 2000 other people, with three boys poking and prodding each other … well, there is no comparison. [I have no problem waiting in line with other travelers as I have a full awareness that the line will eventually wither to nothing and I'll get to where I'm going. Teen and pre-teen boys lack that awareness.]

The downside to the whole thing is that we haven't eaten. Fortunately, we've been storing about 10,000 extra cruise and park calories per day for the past week and we're unlikely wither away to nothing.

Let's do a travel recap:

In Columbus: 

• At the airport early
• Zipped through security (Samson declared it the most fun he'd ever had)
• Had a great flight to Philly
• Great weather

In Philly: 

• Made it to our connecting flight without a problem despite the fact its gate was in a different county that the plane we flew in on
• Zipped through security again
• Great weather

In Orlando: 

• Took a train to get our baggage
• The World's Greatest Brother-In-Law picked us up at the airport

Getting on the Cruise: 

• We took a chartered bus
• Disney had plenty of people to help with check-in. It was painless
• As you know, the cruise was great

Getting off the boat: 

• Well, you read about it earlier in this entry

Things could not have been better, and this is a problem.  My kids have no appreciation for how rough traveling can be. (My niece, who joined us for the cruise portion, had her 6 a.m. flight canceled the day the boat was to leave. Naturally, she found out about it only after she drove, in the snow, to the airport.)

[Later that day, and too tired and lazy to care about tense change and opting instead to insert a blurb in brackets, he typed…]

The latter part of the day was spent at Disney's Animal Kingdom Villas. We got there some time before noon (via chartered bus) and had the boys swimming in the heated pool shortly thereafter. It was rather chilly out, though the boys didn't seem to mind.

I ordered pizza for dinner and had a moment of pause when I said, "We're at Disney's Animal Kingdom Villas" and the order taker asked me for the cross streets so the driver could find it. I thought maybe I'd called the wrong Papa John's; I'd thought correctly.

 

Samson and Jack swim. You'll notice the lifeguard is all bundled up.

 

Haydn crashed before the other boys. He'd been up late the night before and was going on four hours sleep.

 

A shot from my sister's room.

 

Zebras.

 

A shot from the pool area.

Posted by delmer at 11:52 PM | Comments (1)

January 19, 2008

Castaway Key

Today we docked at Castaway Key, the island Disney owns.  It was windy and the water choppy enough that glass bottom boat tours and some other things were canceled.

They were not things the boys had an interest in so we were unaffected.

And, despite the wind, it was still almost 80 F (very close to 28 C and, as I don't have Internet access at the moment I'm unable to check and I'll likely forget to proof this before posting ... 82 F would be 28 C).  And, (to throw another italicized "and" your way) the beach was in a protected area that didn't suffer from out-of-control wave action.

All the boys got off the boat and went to the island. Only Jack, Sam and I stayed to swim, dig in the sand, and drink beer. I did a lot of the swimming and all of the beer drinking. Jack and Sam did most of the swimming and all of the digging in the sand. (Haydn returned to the boat as he's 14… parents of teenagers will know what I mean and will understand it was best for all involved.)

We were all back on the boat by 4:30 and cleaned up and pretty for 5:45 dinner. (I forgot my camera, but I had duckling. We all had snails.)

When dinner ended Jack asked if he could go to Oceaneers Lab. 

Samson, despite my best efforts to enroll him in something, resisted and asked to go swimming.  He and I went to the Goofy Pool where he joined another boy in the water.  I joined another father who was sitting with hit back to the jumbo screen and using the light from one cartoon after another to read.

Samson grew tired around 10:15 and I had him tucked in in front of the TV by 10:30.

I was having an Amber Bock in the Promenade Bar in time to hear the duo there sing Come On Eileen.

 

This guy sounded just like Captain Jack Sparrow.

 

Samson, Donald, and Jack.

 

Goofy and a guy we don't know.

 

Goofy acting like he's just been caught by a big fish.

 

Boys in the ocean.

Posted by delmer at 7:38 AM | Comments (0)

January 18, 2008

Nassau

We arrived in Nassau early this morning.

We rolled out of bed several hours later.

Haydn got it in his head that it would be beneficial for all involved if he had on/off boat privileges independent of mine. That seemed like a really, really, bad idea to me and I opted for the you-stay-with-me model of visiting Nassau. (In all fairness, Haydn was more concerned that I might want to go off the boat when he didn't want to.

Yesterday, Jack heard an announcement in which a Del Sol stuffed dog was going to be raffled off. In order to win the dog, which changes color in the sun (sort of like a Wells without sunscreen, only more colorful), we had to attend a Shopping In the Bahamas meeting. Coupons for freebies were given away at the meeting and today the boys took me from jeweler to jeweler to collect free jewels.

Just about everything they got had a "value" of $50; the boys had trouble seeing it.

We are currently underway and heading toward Castaway Cay which is the island Disney owns. The ride is a lot smoother than it was last night.

 

The boys in Nassau

 

A cool looking boat with Jack's name in it.

 

The appetizer I had tonight: Salmon trio.  I had grouper for dinner.

Posted by delmer at 10:24 PM | Comments (9)

January 16, 2008

Almost Paradise

My children who, as you know, are incredibly adorable and, generally, the best kids in the world, have never known the thrill of driving from Ohio to Vermont in an air-conditionless mid-60's-era van.  A van in which the only form of recreation was coloring fast with Crayons. Fast because it was hot enough that the Crayons were not so much melting as going straight to vapor.

There may be just the smallest bit of exaggeration there.

Still, my kids know the life of DVDs playing or X-Boxes X-boxing while they are driven, in air-conditioned comfort, from point A to point B.  And if point A to point B are too far from each other — as Ohio and Florida often are — they fly.

And this trip they are staying "on property" at Disney. This means they get to partake of extended hours (that is, the park closes at 8 p.m. and we get to stay until 11 p.m. some nights), they get bussed to and from the parks and they get to make use of Fast Pass.  They are at Disney in January when the place is all but deserted (and Fast Passes aren't really needed).  They were also taken out of school for a week for this vacation. Tomorrow they hop on a Disney Cruise Ship (and, I'm pretty sure, they get to drive it out of port).

Sounds like a little bit of Heaven on Earth, eh?

And yet, they can't leave each other alone.  At times they bicker, poke, prod, and do anything else they can think of to get on each other's nerves. Normally they succeed in getting on my nerves.

And this led to today's end-of-day corrective measure that featured Jack and Samson.

The day was over, the park had closed and we were on our way to the bus and then dinner and swimming. Not the bus and then an evening of breaking giant rocks into smaller rocks with a sledge hammer.  Bus, dinner and swimming.

Somebody poked and prodded for the billionth time on the trip which led me to grabbing him by the collar and pulling him toward me. He received a micro-correction and was told to stand at a particular point near a building. I had the second boy stand next to him and I then proceeded to read them the riot act. As I made my point, which involved some hand gestures and mean looks, I noticed I had them in front of a window and that I could detect movement on the other side. I was a little curious as to what our conversation might have looked like to people on the other side of the glass.

After the correction-session ended I turned and, as the boys walked away from me, a woman walked, handed me a card and said, "I'm so proud of you."

"Why?" I asked, "Because I didn't beat them?" (And the tone was "because I resisted the urge to beat them?")

The card said, "God Loves You and God has a Plan for Your Life."

(The impression I got was that she was happy to see someone discipline their children during these times in which it seems to have fallen out of fashion.)

I'm not sure what God's plan is. I just hope it's not being in charge of the Heaven's Daycare.

Posted by delmer at 10:33 PM | Comments (7)

January 12, 2008

Through security

The boys and I have gone through security.  Samson said it was the most fun he's ever had (I'm not kidding).  I'm thinking I could have saved a bunch of money and just brought Sam to the airport and run him through the security checkpoint a couple of times rather than take him on a cruise.  We'll have to see how Disney stacks up to going through a metal detector and having his shoes X-rayed.

I'm plugged in and recharging and thought I'd post the photo of the boys I took earlier.

 

Haydn and Jack are giving their iPods a workout.  Jack is reading a gaming magazine I bought him.  I'm drinking a $2.10 Diet Coke.

Posted by delmer at 9:54 AM | Comments (3)

On the way

I bounced out of bed this morning at 6:15 a.m. and had the boys bounce out of theirs fifteen minutes later.  I made quick trip to Micky D's while they got ready and we were all fed, dressed and ready for our pickup at 7:15.

My friend, The Dark Haired Girl, who, at some point in the past made the mistake of telling me she's in the habit of getting up around 6 a.m. regardless of the day, scooped us up around 7:30.  We were at the airport by 8:00 (and that included a stop for a Diet Coke).  The boys and I had our bags checked curbside while our ride took off to her Yoga class. 

We are three hours early for our flight.  This might seem absurd to many, but parents will recognize the wisdom of mobilizing the troops first thing, before they have time to dig in and settle in front of televisions.  And there's something about rolling them out of bed early, for a 7:30 pickup, that creates a sense of urgency that a 9 o'clock pick-up lacks.

And I prefer to be early as much as anything.

The boys are doing a fine job.  Haydn and Jack are watching movies on their iPods.

My battery is dying.  I'll have to post this without the photo. Sorry.

Posted by delmer at 8:45 AM | Comments (2)

January 11, 2008

The Mouse

Have I mentioned that the boys and I are going on a Disney Cruise to the Bahamas?  We'll be spending a few days at Disney World as well.

We've just finished packing and blast off for Florida in eleven hours.

We've been planning this for about a year and  half.

I can't believe I didn't say anything sooner.

Posted by delmer at 11:52 PM | Comments (4)

December 26, 2007

The Final Christmas Video

This will be the final Christmas video and it's only a short piece of a larger item. When I started posting the videos I said something like you'll be able to see the kids grow and me shrink.

So, this is the one with me shrunk in it.  Please excuse the verbal grammar error.

Posted by delmer at 9:12 PM | Comments (5)

December 24, 2007

Christmases in Kentucky and Beallsville

From 1997 and 1998

In Christmas in Kentucky, Jack gets a set of Soccer Boppers. One of the things I regret most in all the Christmas videos is not taping long enough to get Jack testing them out with Haydn.  Jack had been going around tapping people with his Soccer Bopper ... tap tap tap.  He told Haydn to put one on and Bop him back.

Haydn laid him out.  Nobody got hurt and Haydn wasn't trying to hit Jack hard, it was just a size-difference thing.

This video ends abruptly; the version I've converted to DVD is full-length but I'm too lazy to dig it out and convert it here.

 

 

 

Christmas in Beallsville is one of my favorites and many of you have already seen it.  If you haven't, yet, watch this one all the way through until Jack says, "Yeah-yuh."  You won't be disappointed.

Sammo makes his first appearance in this video.

 

Posted by delmer at 2:26 PM | Comments (1)

December 23, 2007

He Bringed Me This

Christmas 1996 with Jack and Haydn.  There's an odd auto-focus thing going on during part of it.

I did, eventually, sort out Joy to the World. 

Posted by delmer at 3:38 PM | Comments (4)

December 22, 2007

Christmas 1995

Haydn and Jack

 

Posted by delmer at 8:56 AM | Comments (4)

December 12, 2007

A Poem by Jack

What I Found in My Locker  

A really long ear of corn.  

A rusty bike without a horn.  

A rubber chicken that makes a squeak.  

A bully shoved in by a geek.  

A pre-baked chicken, no, it's a turkey.  

A full size link of beef jerky.  

A bologna sandwich that's very moldy.  

And my grandma (she's an oldie).  

An airplane the size of a cougar.  

A diamond-colored Freddie Krueger.  

And last (but not least) a secret compartment.  

That leads right into my secret apartment. 

 

... Jack Wells, age 12  

Posted by delmer at 1:00 PM | Comments (10)

October 2, 2007

Software Needed

I have an idea to help us cut down on the amount of oil we need to import.

Today, as I filled the minivan up with gas, it occurred to me that almost all of my driving over the weekend had been taking kids to and from sports activities. 

Generally speaking, most of my driving involves taking a child someplace. I work about 1.75 miles from where I live and ride my bike to work as much as possible. What I'm getting at is that when I'm childless I can go a good, long time between putting gas in the tank.

Now, I'm not complaining about driving the kids hither and yon, but, with the appropriate software I think my drive could be shortened somewhat.

Saturday we got up just after 7 a.m. (The guys across the street get a 30-minute head start on the city ordinance that allows them to start building at 7:30 a.m.  They drive the big beeping thing around long enough to wake me up and then become quiet as church mice the rest of the morning).  I had Haydn to football by 8:30 and then drove home to get Jack ready for a 9:30 soccer game. It ended about the time football was over and I was able to pick Haydn up without him having to wait too long for me.

Sunday we had a football game, soccer pictures for two boys and a soccer game.  I dropped Haydn off at 11:30 for his game and drove the other boys to get pictures taken at 12:20 and 12:40.  One child went with another parent to his game (which would start an hour after pictures) while I waited with child two to get his picture taken. I then drove child two home (so he wouldn't be booooooored) and then went to the soccer game. After the game I was on my way to pick up Haydn (I had to miss football) when he called and said he was getting a ride home with another parent.

Last night we had a soccer game and football practice and they were an hour off from each other. I drove to soccer and watched a bit of the game. I then drove home and retrieved the football player and drove him to practice. After soccer I drove home. At 8:15 I retrieved the football player from his practice.

Earlier in the year it appeared that a lot of our games and practices were going to be at the same place and some at the same time. The last couple of weeks the schedule has morphed and not so much of that is happening.

With the exception of Monday's soccer and football game no two games this weekend were in the same place and those items weren't at the same time.

What we need is a program that will take all of the game and practice data for all of the sports a family participates in, across all the leagues those sports fall into, and crunches the data so that people are driving the fewest miles possible. It would have to take into account things like field location, coach availability, participant's home address, well, you get the idea.  

Version two of the software could incorporate some sort of snack-list feature so that all parents take an equal turn. 

Tonight the boys and I went to Wendy's to use up a gift card I'd gotten from work.

 

Posted by delmer at 10:44 PM | Comments (8)

August 20, 2007

Shoe Buying

Jack needed shoes. Well, all the boys did but Jack got his Sunday. And this is how the shopping trip went.

The boys and I drove to Target, walked in the front door and headed to the shoe department. As we turned off a main aisle in to shoes — and I mean like two steps out of the main aisle — I saw a pair of blue and white tennis shoes and asked, "Jack, do you like these?"

"Yes. I do." he said. "And look, this pair is an 11 just like I wear."

We tried on an 11 and an 11 1/2 before going with the 11. Jack then said, "I'll be in video games," and I was left to shop a bit as his brothers trailed after him.

Total time spent shoe shopping: Fewer than 5 minutes. Fewer than $20.00 spent.

Jack truly shops like a man.

Compare that to:

Samson needed shoes.

Friday night we went to Dick's to look for Nike Shox. They didn't have Shox in Samson's size so we looked at many other pair. While we looked, Haydn found a pair of shoes he liked and we got those.

Shoxless, we drove to The Sports Authority. They were out of Shox in Samson's size. We looked at many other shoes but didn't find anything that met Sam's needs.

We drove to Famous Footwear and arrived 10 minutes after they closed.

Saturday we woke up and, after football practice, went to Famous Footwear again. They had no Shox at all and out of the 100s of pairs of shoes they had, Sam didn't find any he really liked.

We drove to Tuttle Mall to visit The Finish Line. No Shox in Sam's size.

We drove to Westland Mall, which is not all that far from Famous Footwear, to visit The Finish Line there. They had Shox although the Shox they had were $30.00 more than the already insane amount the Shox we were looking for cost. We tried on the ungodly expensive Shox thinking we'd find the size that fit and order the insanely expensive pair for delivery. There was only one problem, the insanely expensive pair was not available when we went to order it.

In the end we got the ungodly expensive pair of shoes and put some conditions on their wear. No skateboarding in them, no digging holes in them, no "anything" but wearing them to school.

I have never paid as much for a pair of my own shoes as I paid for Sammo's and I normally get two pair for what I paid for his. I sweat over every dollar if I'm buying something for myself but am a little quicker to spend money on the children (or so it seems). Samson made it easy to buy the shoes as he wasn't in a whiney-I-need-these state; he was being a little gentleman.

A little gentleman with expensive tastes.

(We've already had the conversation in which I explain that spending a fortune for kids shoes will not be a recurring Wells-family theme.)

Posted by delmer at 8:42 AM | Comments (4)

August 7, 2007

Partay ... partay ...

The company I work for just turned 30. To celebrate we had a company party with engineers clowns, a band, a dunk tank, zoo animals, food, some sort of golf contest, a frog race, and other celebratory things.

My kids have been asking me for years about when the next big company party was going to be and when this one came up Jack said, "It's about time! You told us you were going to have them every four years."

Jack was not buying the fact that I would have never said "four years." I might have said "five years," but not four. In his defense, the last big party we had was five years ago when Jack was seven.

I don't know how I missed it, but somehow I don't have a picture of Jack in the dunk tank (which, actually, was a shower tank this year).

However, I do have these photos.

Haydn had his hair colored

Jack had a snow cone the same color as Haydn't hair.

A falcon.

A dingo.

A bad photo of a wallaby.

A cat of some sort. Maybe a cheetah.


A small horse and a smaller horse.

Posted by delmer at 9:19 PM | Comments (3)

May 26, 2007

Jack makes a crack

When I go to the store, the mall, the movie theater, basically anywhere, I'll park in one of the first spots I find. I never cruise around looking for the best spot and I'm typically in the store before anybody I've noticed driving up and down the rows looking for something close.

Today, at Target, I parked two aisles back from the heavy congregation of cars that is always close to the door even though I could see closer spots. It was one of those spots that let me pull all the way through so I could pull out without having to back up. The boys and I had to walk a few more steps but the overall parking experience is less of a hassle.

And I figure the walk does us good.

On the way out, as we passed a lot of empty spaces, Samson asked why it was I always parked so far from the store.

"Well," I said, "The walk doesn't hurt us." And as I finished that sentence Samson tripped and hit the ground.

Jack spun around and said, "It looks like the walk does hurt us."

Samson was fine. There was no blood and no tears.

And I was glad to see that Jack was at the top of his humor game.

Posted by delmer at 8:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 29, 2007

Our Wacky Weekend

We had a big weekend in the Wells' household.

Friday night Jack had a baseball game in the drizzling cool rain at a location about an hour away from us. At the same time, Haydn had track practice at a location just a mile from where we live and then a dance to go to.

With the help of friends and teammates we were able to make it all work out.

Saturday we had track and baseball. One of the Track Moms was kind enough to provide transportation to and from Haydn's meet and picked him up at 8:15 a.m. After Haydn shot out the door Samson and I shot off to Mel's for breakfast (Jack would rather sleep than eat, I know that and, being Super Dad, try to respect his non-dangerous-to-himself wishes when I can). At Mel's we ran into one of our friends and Samson and I had post-breakfast ice cream, to celebrate her birthday, while she had eggs, toast and coffee. Always one to know how to show a woman a good time on her birthday (or the day after), I paid for her breakfast.

After breakfast, Jack, Sam and I drove to the same ballpark we'd been at Friday night. On the way there we stopped by White Castle so Jack could charge his batteries prior to the doubleheader. The first game was overcast and we had a chilly breeze blowing on us. The sun broke through for the second game and things were a bit warmer.

Saturday night we went to Target and bought Samson a practice amp for my 25-year old electric guitar — you know, for those times when things aren't noisy enough. The guitar required a bit of surgery to make it tunable — a spring had broken in whatever the part is that has springs (Hey, I don't know all the names of the parts … just about any bit that isn't called "a string" remains nameless to me … but I knew how to fix it. Wait, there might be a nut and a head. Also pickups Maybe tuning knobs. Oh, frets.)

Sunday we had a baseball game at noon. Jack's team won 12 to 2 and this led to a 4:30 game which created a conflict as Samson had soccer games at 3 and 4 at a field about 3/4 of a mile from where I live. The coach was kind enough to keep an eye on Jack and bring him home so I could get Samson to his first game pretty much on time.

After soccer Haydn and I worked out in the garage and then I mowed the yard and sprayed some weeds using the neighbor's male cat. Well, I really used a sprayer I have that I've cleverly painted a big P (for poison) on to distinguish it from the two other sprayers that I wonder why I own. I had to say the cat thing because the description of my weekend was starting to read like James Joyce (i.e., boring as hell) and it really wasn't like that at all. It was a great weekend.

Sunday night, after all the kids went to bed, I got out the fondue set, some paraffin, and did a little bit of evening up on the manly tree line.

Highlights from Jack's Games: Jack got on base a couple of times that I saw and may have gotten on once or twice when I wasn't around. One of his hits came when the team needed a hit; hits, as you know, are always good, but some come at better times than others. Jack stole second once. He hustled and tried hard. He had an error that he complained about but I missed seeing. He got a couple of hits to get on base and he walked to get on. He grounded out a couple of times and struck out a couple of times.

Highlights from Sam's Games: I was sitting on the side of the field talking with one of the dads and overheard, I thought, someone mention that they should put Samson at goalie as he does a good job there. Later, when Sam was doing goalie work, he scooped up the ball and gave it a big boot. I heard a man say, "Good gosh! Who kicked that?" to which a woman replied, "Samson. I told you he was a good goalie." Samson kicked the ball across midfield and about 1/2 between midfield and the opposing team's goal. He did it several times and I can't say that I saw anybody else kick the ball as far as midfield. It looks like all that time on the bicycle has done him good.

Personal Highlights: The boys had fun and were outside in the sun (and rain) bouncing around. They enjoy playing and I like the fact they like to play and feel good about their accomplishments.

Posted by delmer at 8:50 PM | Comments (3)

April 17, 2007

Haggis and Scones

Jack has a heritage project due and believes he is part Scottish by way of his mother who, I thought, was part Irish. Not that it matters, he's gone full-steam ahead with the Scottish theme and is now looking for a Scottish food to take to class. He'd like to take Haggis.

The ingredients are:

Haggis
Ingredients:
Set of sheep's heart, lungs and liver (cleaned by a butcher)
One beef bung
3 cups finely chopped suet
One cup medium ground oatmeal
Two medium onions, finely chopped
One cup beef stock
One teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
One teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon mace

I read about the cooking Haggis up to the point my gag reflex was engaged (and it wasn't because I don't like onions) and then I turned my attention, and Google, to other Traditional Scottish foods. The one I liked the most is Potato Scones. The ingredients are:

Potato Scones
Ingredients:
Half pound (225g) boiled and mashed potatoes
2.5oz (65g) flour
3 tablespoons melted butter
Half teaspoon salt

No hearts, no lungs, no spleen (which, while not listed above I'd seen mentioned elsewhere), and no beef bung (which I'm happy to report is not what I thought it was going to be).

We'll have to see if I can sell Jack on this idea.

Maybe I can convince Jack that I couldn't find nutmeg anywhere.

Posted by delmer at 12:55 PM | Comments (4)

March 27, 2007

A Break From The Action

We'll return to The Trip Out West later today, but for now we'll take a break to relate two other stories.

Item One:
A couple of days ago Jack, the 11-year old, was in the downstairs bath tub when he gave a yell: "I broke the soap."

"Do you mean like into two pieces," shouted Haydn, the 13-year old, back, "Or has it lost it's ability to clean?"

Non-parents of boys are probably thinking: Being a smartass seems to run in the family.

Parents of boys are probably thinking: That explains soooo much.

I can't tell you the number of times I've had a child assure me that he'd used soap during a recent bathing when all evidence suggested otherwise. Never in a thousand years would I have thought that the soap was broken — I'd always thought the child was exaggerating his soap usage.

Item Two:
Once in a while I'll do some computer work for a friend. I typically charge a can of Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi for such work. It the job is one-site I pretty much drink diet pop the whole time I'm there. Once in a great while the rewards are far greater than caffeinated beverages. (Not in a bad-jazz porno-flick kind of way. I'm pretty sure we're years away from seeing a movie in which the Geek Squad is called in to help a buxom blonde and before you know it pocket protectors and orthopaedic shoes are flying hither and yon. As I've said before, IT doesn't have good-porn potential. Well, I guess something could be done with the Brylcreem the supernerds use to keep their hair looking just right. Maybe.)

Once in a while logistics prevents any pop at all from being provided. That's when things like this happen.

My ex-sister-in-law had a problem that I said I'd look at. She lives almost three hours from me and had the computer sent over via the ex-wife. I fixed the problem, and realizing that my ex-brother-in-law probably missed me sorely (much like you do when you reach the end of a blog entry and realize it is likely to be a whole day before I post anything else) I decided to put a picture of me on the desktop as his wallpaper. A small picture, and centered not tiled.

This is the picture.

I had left the non-ninja photo on my monitor while I tended to something else. Before I could connect it to the ninja photo a coworker walked in and said: "Is that Captain America? … no … wait … it's you."

Which I thought was kind of funny ad I'm made the same crack before.

I wonder if my ex-brother-in-law will know it's me?

Posted by delmer at 6:41 AM | Comments (3)

March 17, 2007

A Jack Story

I was positive I'd posted this at some point in the past, but I haven't been able to find it and I want to make sure I have it recorded. So, at the risk of repeating myself, here we go.

Samson was a newborn and still in the hospital. This would have made Jack about two and I should point out that when he was little he had some trouble with pronouns — much like the pteredactyl in The Land Before Time series.

Jack was sitting on the bed holding Samson -- an adult was sitting behind both.

As Jack was holding Sammo he said, "I like the new baby. I'll miss he when he goes home."

Posted by delmer at 11:52 PM | Comments (2)

March 8, 2007

Christmas in Beallsville -- 1998

You undoubtedly have the most adorable children/nieces/nephews/mailman ever ... I cannot, and won't even try to, compete with you there.

However, I do have the second-most-adorable group of children in the world. Not bad considering there's about 6 billion of us.

Like any group of people, the boys don't always get along. However, there is that one day, each year, that they set aside their differences and play nice together -- which is one day more than the remaining 6 billion of us do -- and that's Christmas.

The following clip is from Christmas 1998. Jack, the middle child, cracks me up in this one.

(And in all fairness to the boys, they normally get along pretty well together.)

Posted by delmer at 11:17 AM | Comments (0)

February 20, 2007

The Bridge

Jack, the middle child and one of my three favorites, recently read The Bridge to Terabithia.

He was very excited to find that the novel (beloved novel, some say) had been turned into a movie and bound this excitement to the excitement of having President's Day off school which led to a cumulative excitement level so great that despite the preferences of 66% of the other children in the household to see Norbit we were unable to keep ourselves away from The Bridge to Terabithia. The excitement was sooo great that once we were at the theater it was all we could do to not buy $15 worth of Milk Duds.

I'm not much on troll movies that don't also feature Hobbits and took my PDA so I could read a little bit more about Harry Dresden (I don't care for trolls and faerie creatures in movies -- unless of course there are Hobbits -- but I'm reading a series of books about a Wizard who lives in Chicago and spends time fighting vampires, ghosts, etc. What can I say?)

I wasn't able to read as much as I'd intended as I kept getting distracted by the movie. It was very good.

Toward the end Jack, the child who had read the book and knew what was coming, came back to sit by me. This was about five minutes before the thing happened that made me cry a little bit and six minutes before I cried just a little bit more.

I do not need kids' movies to bring me to tears. You know, now that I think about it when the jet blows up in The Incredibles and the mom stretches herself out to become a parachute and save her children I got teary eyed -- both times I saw it at the theater ... the second time I knew it was coming! ... it was a cartoon both times I saw it!

Anyway, I don't need kids' movies to bring me to tears.

And to address the larger issue: Why would anybody go to a movie they knew would make them cry?

Back to the smaller issue ... this is the second kids' movie I've seen recently that has brought tears to my eyes.

Of course, Epic Movie made me cry for a whole different reason.

Posted by delmer at 12:01 AM | Comments (7)

February 17, 2007

A Jack Story

I'm convinced this is on the site somewhere -- but I've tired of looking for it and I want to make sure I have a record of it.

Anyway ...

Samson was just hours old which would have made Jack something like two.

Jack, who like the Pterodactyl in the Land Before Time Series had some pronoun trouble when he was younger, was holding Samson. We were still at the hospital.

As Jack looked at Sam he said, "I like the new baby. I'll miss he when he goes home."

It looks like the joke was on Jack.

Posted by delmer at 11:38 PM | Comments (0)

February 5, 2007

No school

Yesterday's entry was rather short, so I'll repost it here in it's entirety:

It's was about 10 degrees F when I took the following photo of the boys and myself. I thought it would be a nice change from me dressed as a Ninja and I thought that mom and dad would like to see a current shot of the boys (they've been out of state and haven't seen the boys for about a month, I think.)

It wasn't until I opened the photo on my computer that I noticed my resemblance to Earl from the TV show. For those of you that aren't familiar with the show, Earl is never able to keep his eyes open when he gets his picture taken.

Ignore the part where I mention I'm Earl-like. You want to focus on the part where I say it's 10 degrees F (-12C). And before we go any further, let me point out it is currently -2 F (-18.8 C).

Last night the boys and I were watching the news looking to see if school was closed today. I never dreamed it would be, but we'd been flipping around on the TV and had stumbled across some closings, which got the boys interested.

One of the stations runs the early news and they were interviewing a woman who said that if school was open tomorrow she would drive her child to school to keep her out of the cold. The woman went on to say that if it is too cold the schools should be closed for the safety of the children so they don't have to go out into the elements.

Jack (at 11) gave this a hearty "Yea!" and then went on to explain that sometimes it was too cold for school to be open.

In the photo below, at 10 F, Jack is the middle-height child in front of me. He's wearing a short-sleeve T-shirt and has his coat open. In a rare move his hood is up. During the course of running our errands I turned to him once, as we exited somewhere, and asked where his coat was. He hadn't worn it in.

Of course, none of us have our coats closed. and nobody is wearing anything particularly heavy.

For my mother:
After this photo we climbed into an already-running and heated minvan. And the boys and I have discussed how even limited exposure to extreme cold can cause a person problems. Rest assured that by last night, when we left Kroger and the had dropped while the wind picked up, everybody was happy enough to be bundled up.

Posted by delmer at 8:55 AM | Comments (1)

February 4, 2007

My Name is Earl

It's was about 10 degrees F when I took the following photo of the boys and myself. I thought it would be a nice change from me dressed as a Ninja and I thought that mom and dad would like to see a current shot of the boys (they've been out of state and haven't seen the boys for about a month, I think.)

It wasn't until I opened the photo on my computer that I noticed my resemblance to Earl from the TV show. For those of you that aren't familiar with the show, Earl is never able to keep his eyes open when he gets his picture taken.

Posted by delmer at 9:53 PM | Comments (0)

February 1, 2007

Jack writes the President

Today, Jack's class wrote letters to the President of the United States.

* * * * *

January 31, 2007

Dear President George W. Bush,

My name is Jack Wells. I am 11 years old and I live in Ohio. I am writing because there is a problem in sending more troops to Iraq if you do send more troops.

I don’t think it is needed to send more troops to Iraq. Aren't there enough there already? Sure the war between the Sunni and the Shiites has to end. But the longer we’re there the worse it gets. Troops are dying and we’re wasting billions of dollars.

There’s quite a number of troops who want to come back and see their families. So let them come back. Their husbands and wives might be worried about them. Their kids must be worried, too. It will be a family reunion.

Thank you for reading my letter. I hope you think about this.

Sincerely,

Jack Wells

Posted by delmer at 12:01 AM | Comments (4)

January 30, 2007

A story by Jack

This is a story Jack wrote for school. I found it on the kitchen counter and remember reading the first draft several weeks ago.

From this point forward, Jack will be getting no mushrooms on any pizza he eats.

My Greatest Adventure
by Jack Wells
age 11

Chapter One: The First Day

"My name is Bart Beetles." I said on the first day of school. "I was born in 1994. My best friend is Ben McFarlain."

This school is Veselin Acks Merry Elementary (VAMES for short). At VAMES everything is fun for kids. The playground is amazing it has six swings, a 150 foot slide, a rock wall, and a videogame corner. The text books are 1,000 pages each. But we only read one fourth of them (250 pages). They're building a 1,500 foot slide. "Let's go to the playground," I said to Ben.

But when we got there the 150 foot slide was gone. They were building the 1,500 over it.

"Look out." I yell to Ben. But it was too late, the part to the slide had already crushed him. Before I could tell someone to get him, I was jabbed in the side with a spoon. I fainted. [The original line: I was poked in the side with a knife. I passed out.]

Chapter Two: When I Woke Up

When I woke up I was in an underground facility. My side is aching. I thought I was behind three boxes. One stacked on top of two. "Did you get the donut?" A voice said sounding a lot like Ben

"Yup I got them all." Said the other man.

"Are they jelly filled?"

"No, they are not."

I look behind the boxes. It is Ben. "Whose that?" The man yelled while running at me.

I ripped open one box. Nothing. I jump in and closed the side. "He's gone. Must be seeing things," the man said. He walked away. Something broke the bottom of the crate and I fell through.

Chapter Three: Further Underground

Stunned and shocked I decide to ignore the head injury I just got. When exploring I hide twice to be safe. But the second time was because I heard something coming from the other direction. It was a beautiful unicorn. Sadly I have cornophobia. The fear of anything with "corn" in its name. So I shrieked and ran away. Coming to a stable is where I stopped.

Chapter Four I Think ... Yup Chapter Four. Busted!

I had to be careful here. They had corn, corn on the cob, unicorns, unicorns with unibrows, corn syrup and corn juice. There was one donut in the center of it all. "I need that donut." I whispered. Luckily there was a door on the other side and corn repellent on the wall. I ran through the room spraying the repellent in every direction possible. I gabbed the donut, took a bite and put it in my pocked. I got caught in a net. Then I woke up in my room. "Those unicorns stole my donut." I screamed.

Chapter Five: Mom and Dad's Surprise

Half conscious I decide to take a nap. When I wake up I scratch my butt and go down the stairs to eat. I notice a note that says "Dear Bart, at a bingo game in Vegas. See you in three weeks. Love your mom and dad." I call every house in the world. "A in Vegas. I see." I go back to my room only to find a clown. ["A in Vegas." I can't help but feel something is missing.]

Chapter Six: Bum bum bum

It started running at me so I locked the door. It bursts through and falls down the stairs. It threw its sword at me and Jackie Chan came out of nowhere and deflected it with his fist.

Posted by delmer at 8:20 PM | Comments (1)

January 21, 2007

When the Snow is on the Wellses

Snow came to Columbus, Ohio today and since Hilliard bumps up right next to it, we got some of the overspray. The boys and I hit the slopes right at noon and stayed there until just after 2 p.m. They did some sled riding and snowboarding ... I did some keeping the van warm and reading.

The slopes we hit were at the Hilliard City Park -- the one with the larger pool. We don't have a whole lot of hills around us, but the park is home to a pretty big mound of dirt. I don't know why it's there -- I can only assume so kids can ride sleds in the winter.

After the fun at the park we shot home where we were greeted by two of our neighbor friends. My boys came in just long enough to change into something dry and then went out again to build a snow fort. I stayed in to do laundry.

Post snow-fort building the boys returned home and changed into something else dry. They had a quick bite and then we decided to run an errand. On the way back the boys wanted to show me the fort they'd built so we stopped by. I foolishly though the fort might have some sort of walk-around entrance. It didn't and access could be gained only by climbing up over the top. Sixty-six percent of the boys were snow covered before I could stop them.

Back home, they changed into something dry and then got busy quizzing me about when dinner would be ready.

The minivan looks so peaceful in the snow.

So does the neighbor's trampoline.

Haydn, bundled up.

Jack in the snow.

Jack with sled.

The Hill

Another shot of The Hill

Another shot of the park.

Sammo bundled up with his snowboard.

Sammo again.

Posted by delmer at 4:52 PM | Comments (2)

January 18, 2007

Things I've Learned from My Children

Just recently I've learned:

From Haydn: That I was putting my MP3 player earbuds in incorrectly. I noticed that when he wore his the orientation of the buds were different from how mine were. When I place my earbud in my ear I sort of wedge it in and crank it down -- it wasn't always the most comfortable fit but the way it went in seemed to make the most sense to me in that the wire from the bud would be hanging straight down. The wire from Haydn's buds sort of point forward more toward the front of the lobe. It provides a more comfortable fit.

From Jack: And this I knew, but some adults seem to have trouble with it. "Honesty is the best policy." A week ago I went to school to retrieve an ill Jack. As it happens he had forgotten to do a piece of homework and was going to get a homework slip from his teacher -- however -- since I was picking him up early he could have gotten out of it as the homework wasn't due until later in the day. This wouldn't do. In the interest of fair play to the Catholic school system, Jack ratted on himself to his teacher and let her know he had failed to do the assignment. I know what you're thinking ... admitting your mistakes and taking full responsibility for them seems so un-Catholic and generally un-Christian. Politics are certainly not in his future.

From Sammo: Sam and I were at a hockey game -- The Ohio Junior Blue Jackets -- a few weeks ago. I know very little about hockey and, while I'll see every game Sam wants to go to, was bored out of my mind. It looks like it might be fun to play, but I can't sort out why anybody would sit and watch this. I guess some of the music they played during dead pucks was pretty good. Anyway, toward the end of the game I noticed that the goalie for the opposing team (maybe the Junior Indiana Ice) was gone. I asked Sam -- my eight-year old -- what had happened and the told me they had pulled their goalie. My first thought was, if they win maybe they'll be able to get a young lady to pull their goalies for them. My second thought was, what does that mean? and that's the thought I shared with Sam. He told me that if a team pulls their goalie they can put another player on the ice, and when I looked, I noticed that the Indiana Ice (if that's who they were) did seem to have more guys trying to bang the puck into the Junior Blue Jacket's net.

This is totally unrelated to the above, but, I'm proofing this at work and an announcement was just made that at 11 a.m. pizza and cake were going to be served in the Cafeteria. I love it here.

(Update:This entry was posted at 10:47. At 10:54 the first piece of comment spam hit it. I think this is a record for WADLL.)

Posted by delmer at 10:47 AM | Comments (4)

October 19, 2006

The Skate Park and Denim

Several weeks ago the boys and I went to Target and did some jeans shopping. We shopped like men -- we grabbed a couple pair we thought would fit ... tried on each pair until we found the best fitting pair ... and we left.We didn't pose in mirrors. We didn't ask each other if this pair of jeans made our asses look fat.

The jeans all went home and were put on hangers. Weeks passed.

Yesterday we decided to go to the Dublin Skate Park again.

In preparation for the trip Jack took the new jeans off the hanger and put them on. I watched as he pulled the tags off.

In the skate park picture you'll notice, at right about the middle of the picture, a ramp that goes down and then out to the right. It looks smooth, doesn't it? And it is pretty smooth. It's probably the perfect surface to roll a skateboard down.

It's not so good on denim.

Jack now has a pair of jeans that look 95% brand new. Five percent -- the right butt cheek 5% -- looks much older. About 10% of that 5% looks holey. At least it did until I took a needle and thread to it.

Why didn't I stop Jack from sliding down the slope? Because, as he sat there with his legs over the edge I new he wasn't going to slide. I wouldn't slide down that. It looks scary. It looks like a bad idea. But mostly scary.

I had totally forgotten that the being afraid of things like steep slopes, the edges of high rock formations, and friendly brunettes gene, doesn't turn on in a young man's mind until his mid-twenties.

Posted by delmer at 7:50 AM | Comments (6)

September 24, 2006

The Way Back Machine

Way back, before What's a Delmer Look Like became non-stop blathering, it's purpose was to keep my friends and family current with respect to what my kids were up to.

(Really, there's a good chance that if I went to check the accuracy of that statement I'd find I was wrong. I do know that the original Delmer Dot Com existed for that purpose. I'm guessing that, as Movable Type makes updating pretty easy, that this site never held too true to that thought.)

In any case. We'll pretend.

Here's some photos taken on September 14. A wise person will note that the picture names suggest they were taken on September 23rd. A wiser person would know that I made a mistake when I named the files for this upload. The regular readers among you will know I have no intention of correcting that error.

Sammo makes a move

Sammo as goalie

Showing some hustle

Happy Jack

Jack on the field

The water jug on Jack

Haydn's backside

Dolphins

More Dolphins

Haydn's frontside

Haydn

Posted by delmer at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2006

Lost and Found

I lose my gym membership card about once a year. It's nothing I plan -- I've checked my calendar and I've never penciled it in (or, in my case, put it in my Palm T/X, synced it to my computer and then zapped it into my watch by aiming the watch at my computer monitor while it flashes white bars) -- it's nothing I understand.

I keep the card in a storage bin at the bottom center of my sweet ride's dash assembly. It is always to the far left and is wedged there among tapes the boys and I never listen to but that I don't bother to toss (anybody here familiar with Dinosaur Cafe? Maybe the Sesame Street tapes ... C is for cookie, that's good enough for me ...).

It was about 28 months ago that I went to grab the gym card to discover it was not where it should have been.

The folks at the gym were OK with the missing card and I explained that I'd spend some time looking for it after work. I tore the van apart. I checked the house even though I'm sure the card has never crossed the threshold. I couldn't find it.

Replacement cards are $10.00. I bought one.

Roughly 12 months would pass. I repeated the above and eventually dropped another $10.00.

Roughly 12 months would pass again -- bringing us to about 6 months ago. I was at the do-it-yourself carwash and had most of the van doors open as I vacuumed the beast. As I walked around the van, my gym card was laying on the pavement. The wind whipping through the van had snatched it from it's safe, next-to-Dinosaur-Cafe location, and whisked it outside.

Is this how I'd lost all the cards? I could see how it might be. I clean the van often enough that the vacuuming scenario would make some sense. I've been with the boys several times when we've had the doors open and tornado-force winds have whipped through the van.

Finally the puzzle was solved and I had broken the cycle.

About a week ago I was in the van alone and looked down between the seats. My gym membership card was laying on the floor. Ah ... this is how they get lost, I thought as I picked it up to return it to the storage area.

Beneath the card was ... my gym membership card. And beneath that, Jack's library card.

This was a puzzler. I had two gym cards in my hand as I checked the storage area. It, naturally, had in it my gym membership card.

WTF.

The cards had been missing for more than one and two years. I didn't remember Jack having a library card at all. And now they appear in a stack on the floor between the seats. I was very close to contacting The Phoenix thinking that maybe he'd have some insight. Maybe I had a trans-dimensional thing going on in the mini van (which would make it even sweeter).

I had cleaned and vacuumed the minivan numerous times -- I'd had the glove box emptied -- I'd had that locked thing underneath the passenger seat emptied -- I'd never seen the cards. And here they were!

Unlike television, the explanation that makes the most sense is often the simplest. At my house the simplest explanation often involves one of three children.

At dinner that night I asked, "Does anybody here know what my gym card looks like."

"Yes," Haydn offered, "I found two of them."

"Where?"

"When I was looking for that battery," the one I remembered him dropping in the van near the storage thing, "I found a secret pocket under the cassette tapes. The cards were in there."

The secret pocket is the heater vent that blows air across the floor of the van. I'm guessing I'd had the cards -- months apart from each other, mind you -- sitting on the carpet when I applied the brakes and that they'd slid forward into the heater vent.

So. If you've lost anything in a minivan, take a look in the heater vent beneath the dash between the seats. It may be there.

(Women ... this does not apply to your innocence.)

Posted by delmer at 7:01 AM | Comments (1)

June 13, 2006

Do you have a one-piece?

Granny gave Jack some birthday money. Jack would like to use it to buy a Game Cube game called One Piece something.

I had hoped it was a game involving Swim Suit Models and that maybe Jack would let me borrow it when he was at his mother's.

The game, as it happens, is called ... One Piece: Grand Battle. (Which does not necessarily mean that it isn't about swimsuit models, I guess. Seeing them battle might be interesting.)

Sunday evening we went to Target only to find they didn't have it. We then went to EB games to find them closed. Meijer didn't have it either.

I told Jack we'd go by EB Games Monday evening.

Monday I decided to surprise Jack and pick the game up at lunch. I made the trek to EB Games and applied a keen eye to the shelves -- there was no One Piece.

I asked the guy behind the counter if he was familiar with the game. He said he was, he knew they were out, and he knew the game had been discontinued.

No swimsuit models

I asked if he had a business card. He did.

I asked if he'd write, on the back of it, "I am out of One Piece. I don't think Wal-Mart has it either." He did.

On the way back to work I stopped by the house to visit with Jack. I showed him the note and explained that a new One Piece: Pirates something was going to be released in September. Jack asked if we could continue the search after work ... well, he asked if we could do it immediately and I told him I had to go back to work.

After work Jack asked about the game again. I told him it looked like we'd exhausted most of our resources and asked if I didn't at least get partial credit for looking for the game at lunch. Jack told me I did get credit for the lunchtime journey and then continued to politely suggest his need had not yet been met.

I looked over at my dad and asked, "Dad. When I was Jack's age how many times did you run me all over the city looking for Game Cube games?"

"Never," replied Big D.

"That's because the wheel hadn't been invented yet and it was too hard to go anywhere," chimed in my oldest.

As it happens, we did have the wheel when I was Jack's age. Fire was well known. And I'm pretty sure we'd gotten our first color TV by then.

Today at lunch I went for a haircut. Next to my barber's is a non-chain video store. While they didn't have a One Piece: Grand Battle, I got a line on one there: EB Games. The same EB Games I'd been in yesterday. When I told the line-giver that I'd been to EB Games yesterday and they'd been out she told me (and this was a customer) that she'd just left and they had one now.

I drove over. They did have a One Piece: Grand Adventure ... for the PS2. (The line-giver at one time had an awareness that I was looking for a GC game, as she'd repeated it to me. However, in a man-like fashion she slipped up somewhere between forming a thought and expressing it verbally.)

I eventually placed an order with Amazon. They have it all. All the time.

Posted by delmer at 8:34 AM | Comments (2)

May 19, 2006

Haircut

Last night I decided I'd cut the boys' hairs. Haircuts at the barber come in about $30.00 for three boys -- it may be $27.00 ... it may be $36.00. I should probably pay closer attention.

If the boys let me cut their hair I give them $4.00 each. That's $12.00. We all win.

I wanted to do buzz cuts all the way around. Jack declined at the last moment and went for a trim over the ears. He thinks he'll be able to get by all summer without a haircut and would like to have a headstart on the growth.

Sammo when the same route.

I'm not sure if their plan had anything to do with the fact they'd already received their $4.00, but I went with it anyway. As it happens, Haydn's cut more than made up for the lack of any hair I may have gotten off the other two boys.

He wanted to be shaved bald.

We called his mom to make sure she was OK with it. We checked the student handbook to make sure there was nothing about not-being-bald in there. Everything seemed to point toward a bald head.

I thought I'd go with a #1 comb on the clippers first. Maybe that would be good enough. I thought it was good enough. Haydn didn't.

He went to the bathroom with my beard trimmer. I decided he was determined and that helping would probably yield a better result.

I took the #1 comb off the hair clippers and went over the head with the bare cutter. I then lathered the head up -- using almost two cans of shaving cream -- and used a safety razer to shave closer. I repeated this last step one more time.

Haydn certainly looks bald headed. Not Telly Savalas or Yul Brenner bald. Certainly more bald than Sinead O'Connor.

He could be balder. But he's still pretty bald.

This morning his scalp had a velcro-like feeling to it.

How does it look? Well, considering the boy has a milk-carton head, pretty good.

And really ... it was probably something a lot less than two cans of shaving creme.

Posted by delmer at 10:34 AM | Comments (1)

May 15, 2006

Those Nutty Hobos

On Saturday the boys and I were on our way to run errands and, as often happens, a couple of the boys had got a head start and beat me out the door. They beat me only by a minute or two -- but, that seems to have been plenty of time.

When I stepped around the garage I saw two of the boys in the alley by a big puddle. Naturally. Sam's newest bike was behind him.

"Boys! Let's go," I commanded, and they started toward me. "Sammo ... don't forget your bike," I added, as he seemed to have forgotten his bike.

"I need to throw this bottle away," he said.

"Why do you need to throw the bottle away." I asked.

"Jack," which was all I needed to hear, "threw a rock and broke it, and a man told us we had to pick it up," said Sam.

I got some more information on the man and determined he was likely to be in the dry cleaning place right next to the rock-throwing-incident place.

I walked over to the Dry Cleaner's and asked to speak to the man -- I gave the description Jack gave me. The gal at the counter told me it was probably Joe and told me I could go back. I'd never been behind the scenes of a dry cleaner's and in a geeky kind of way was curious to see what went on there. It wasn't as hot as I'd expected or as chemically smelling.

I found Joe (and his wife) standing near a big machine of some sort. When I caught Joe's eye I said, "I understand you just caught one of my boys breaking a bottle in the alley." Before he could form the oh crap ... not an asshole parent thought I continued, "I want to thank you for correcting him and having him pick up the pieces."

I made the point that I'd talked with Jack about the incident and I didn't think it would happen again. I explained that I lived in the Yellow House up the street and that I didn't want him to think heathens had moved in next door.

Joe and his wife were very kind. They said they had a boy of their own and knew that "boys will be boys."

I told them if it ever happened again and if they felt the need they could unwrap one of their wire hangers and chase Jack down the alley striping his legs. "I grew up in the 60's and I'll understand," I said.

Back in the van with Jack I, again, told Jack that breaking bottles was unacceptable and that it creates a hazard. I explained that it was most certainly illegal.

"But hobos do it all the time and never get in trouble," he argued.

Just where the hell is your mother taking you when I'm not around??

Later, at Kroger, the boys and I ran across a Hilliard Police Officer as he was stepping out of his cruiser. I stopped him and asked if it was OK for little boys to break bottles in alleys.

He told us it wasn't as it was littering and that if we see trash on the ground that we've no intention of throwing in a trash bin it is best to leave it alone. Trash on the ground is trash on the ground ... if you pick it up it is your trash.

I asked: "Does the fact that hobos break bottles in the street all the time and never get in trouble have any bearing on this?"

The officer, obviously a father, smiled and replied, "No. Not at all."

Posted by delmer at 7:20 AM | Comments (3)

May 1, 2006

New Bicycles

The boys and I did some shopping Saturday. We got a couple of new bikes, helmets and miscellaneous gear.

Sam decided he really needed a BMX-style bicycle helmet and since I'm all about anything that will keep a helmet on a kid, I went for it. Jack's helmet is black and looks like a batter's helmet, sort of; the way it is put together assures that it won't ride high on his forehead which seems to be the problem we typically have.

Another problem with bike helmets is that they are sometimes packaged in such a way so that you can't put them on and do a test fitting. I had to borrow some nail clippers to defeat the wire-tie that was holding the straps up inside a couple of the helmets in order to make sure they fit well. (And even then I got the wrong helmet for Haydn. His head is bigger than I gave him credit for -- as we were riding around I decided I didn't like the way his helmet fit and ended up buying him a new one.)

Sixty-six percent of the boys and I had our inaugural ride on Saturday; Jack was off playing and wouldn't make it. On Sunday we all hit the road. Everybody did a good job. Everybody seemed to have an awareness of traffic and pedestrians. Nobody crashed.

Samson looked a bit like Darth Vader.

Posted by delmer at 2:44 PM | Comments (0)

March 3, 2006

Scanned Images

We picked up a couple of new scanners at work and I spent a little time playing around with one. The scanners will scan 35mm slides and negatives and produce a picture that, for all I know, is called a positive.

I scanned two negatives. They are certainly passable, but the original photo is better; at least in the case of dad on the barn. Still, I thought it was pretty amazing and, for all I know, I may be able to do something to make the quality better.

It took just under 2.5 minutes to scan each negative. That doesn't include putting the negative in the scan mask.

The first picture is of Dad putting the last piece of sheeting on the roof of his barn. Uncle Teddy, who recently had a portion of a lung removed as well as four ribs, can be seen standing next to the ladder. I'm in the door walking toward the ladder looking very dork-like.

The second shot if of dad, Jack and Haydn. My arm is creeping in from the side.

Click the pictures for a larger image.

Posted by delmer at 1:39 PM | Comments (0)

February 18, 2006

Yu-Gi-Oh vs Easy Riders

Friday night I had a bit of trouble getting to sleep and I remember being awake at 3 a.m.

At 8:30 a.m. Saturday morning Jack stuck his head, and then his whole body, into my room. He had an awareness that there was a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament and sneak peek in Columbus somewhere and he thought we might go. The last time the boys and I went to a Yu-Gi-Oh event it had been at Vets and I hoped the current event would be at the same locale; Vets, I knew, was having a motorcycle show and I figured I'd be able to kill two birds with one stone -- Sammo is a big motorcycle fan, but not much of a Yu-Gi-Oh fan.

As it happened the Yu-Gi-Oh sneak peek was at the Columbus Convention Center. In the what-are-we-going-to-do-today conversation that preceded our trip into the great -- cold as hell -- outdoors Sam said that he'd rather go to the Yu-Gi-Oh event in as much as he sees motorcycles all the time and that he'd like to try something new.

The older boys thought they'd compete in the tournament. Haydn even offered to give Sammo pointers if he wanted to compete.

I should probably mention that when we went to Vets the turnout was not as great as I would have expected for tournament play. As I recall a person could play for fun or play in some sort of regional thing they had going on. (I've got to admit that this whole Yu-Gi-Oh thing is really something I've got little interest in committing too many brain cells to.)

The turnout at the Columbus Convention Center was huge. And our choices were Sneak Peek and Regional Tournament Thing. It was sort of intimidating and none of the boys wanted to compete. Jack did want to get sneak peek cards -- so we spent 30 minutes in line and dropped $20.00

Then we went to Toys R Us. The one we went to was going out of business and everything was 50 to 70% off. Of course, the shelves were 80 to 90% empty. Oddly enough we didn't find anything we couldn't live without. We had to go to Target for those items.

We then decided to drive down to see Granny and Big D. On the way to Franklin Jack and I had the following conversation about his new Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

Jack started, "Dad. I got two charmer cards in one of my Yu-Gi-Oh packs. Can you guess which ones they are?"

"Um," I said, "I don't know. Snake Charmer?"

"No. Eria the Water Charmer and Aussa the Earth Charmer."

"Jack," I said, "What is it about me that makes you think I could ever guess water and earth charmer? We could have sat here all day and I would have never come up with those. 'Snake' is the only charmer I know"

"Well, you are dad."

I am that, I guess.

Posted by delmer at 10:02 PM | Comments (0)

February 11, 2006

In other school news

Yesterday morning the boys and I went to Mickey D's for breakfast. As we got out of the minivan I noticed that Jack had a big stain on the inside of his pants legs -- one of those stains you don't see when you're looking down on a group of boys giving them the final once-over before heading out the door but that will most certainly be noticible to every other person he sees at St. B.

"Jack! Why did you put those pants on?"

"They were folded and laying over my chair in my room."

Well, I appreciate the fact that Jack folds his pants at the end of the day. And, I don't think uniform pants need to be washed daily -- it's hard on the fabric and it isn't like Jack has class in a coal mine. I'm guessing most kids come out of St. B looking pretty much like they did when they went in. Still, I did do laundry last night. Still, again, Jack has several pair of uniform pants.

It would be nice if he'd start his day looking clean. I mean, I know when he comes home he'll have a stain on his shirt. It's a given. Not long ago he came home and I asked who had pooped on his shirt -- he explained that it wasn't poop, but barbeque sauce. I told him that I was pretty sure it wasn't really poop, but the shape of the stain made me wonder.

Most days the stain is just catsup -- or ketchup ... depending on what you buy.

There's one shirt he hasn't worn in weeks that I wash each time I do whites. Each time I get a little more of the paint out. I've presoaked. I've soaked. I've tried Shout. I'm getting close. This is one of his long-sleved shirts; I imagine it will come clean just about the time the weather turns warm.

Recently Jack was eating cake. He was using a fork. He ended up with icing on his ear. How?

If he's eating wings it would be a timesaver to just apply sauce to his face like a Navy Seal might grease paint.

One day he came home from school and his shirt looked like someone had run it through a washing machine with mud. There wasn't a stained area so much as the shirt was uniformly colored mud brown. He said he fell on the playground. You don't fall on the playground and come out looking like this ... someone stands over you with a flour sifter full of dirt and shakes it over you.

When you meet Jack you don't automatically think this kid's a slob.. I've already said he folds his pants at the end of the day (maybe to cut the chance I'll notice stains). He's also the only child I own who hangs his coat up -- in the closet -- after school without prompting. He takes his plate to the sink after dinner. He is very polite.

When he was in pre-school we'd get comments about how good his hand and eye coordination was when it came to things like shooting baskets or hitting a ball with a bat. How can flatware be such a challenge? What special skills do fork and spoon usage require that a bat doesn't. How can he miss his mouth; it's been in the same place for 10 years.

I think Jack might be the one boy who pees in the toilet on a regular basis.

How hard would it be to keep food of his clothes?

Posted by delmer at 12:52 AM | Comments (2)

February 8, 2006

I need this for school

The bus is supposed to come at 8:04 a.m. What I think is interesting about this is that the bus does come at 8:04 most mornings. Of course, this varies by seconds either way each day. And maybe a minute some days. But it never comes as late as 8:07; I don't know that it's been as early as 8:03.

As you know, I am an IT guy and have a higher-than-normal geek level. As such, the watch on my wrist (a Timex DataLink that allows me to zap data from my computer into it via a flashing monitor) shows the time as varying from the Official US Time by a mere 6 seconds. So, the bus isn't arriving at a time that the driver and I agree is 8:04 a.m. It's honest-to-goodness 8:04 a.m.

That's a lot about time, and yet, this entry isn't about time at all. Except for the fact that Jack knows the bus comes at 8:04 a.m. And really, knowing it comes sometimes Monday morning would be enough for this story.

Monday morning we were on our way out the door to catch the bus. It was about 7:59, so we had five minutes. Jack picked up a wide-mouthed gallon container he'd brought with him Friday and said, "I need to fill this up with something for school."

"Like what?" I asked. We'd gone to the store the day before but hadn't really bought anything suitable for filling the container. "I have a several pounds of oats we could use."

"No. It needs to be something I can share with the kids in my class. And something we can count. This is the 'guessing jar' and people are going to try to guess how many things are in it."

"Oats make a nice gift, and can you imagine how much fun it would be to count out three or four pounds of oats?"

"Daaaaaaad!"

"You get on the bus, I'll stop by Kroger, get something and then bring it by school. What would you like?"

"Nerds! Fill it with the small packs of Nerds!"

At 8:04 Jack and his brothers hopped the bus. I shot off toward Kroger and had more trouble than you could imagine locating the candy aisle. It wasn't where I would have put it if I were in charge. As beer is always where I'd put it if I were in charge it's hard to complain about their misstep with candy.

Filling the container with Nerds looked like it might cost more than $10.00 -- pretty close to $12.00. I opted to go with two packs of the small Nerds and some Starburst candies. For just under $9.00 ($32.00 Canadian) I was able to fill the container most of the way up.

I went to St. B.

Ms. R. was in the office when I went in. "I'm guessing," I said, "that St. Brendan didn't call Jack in the middle of the night and ask him to bring a jar of candy in this morning."

"No, he would have known about it Friday," she said.

"That's what I thought. He mentioned it to me on the way to the bus this morning."

Ms. R. gave a small laugh and had a expression that suggested she'd been watching kids do things like this for several years.

"I'll make sure Jack gets the jar of treats," she said. As I hoisted the container to the counter Ms. R's expression dropped just a little and she said, " Oh no ... they're