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June 30, 2008

Signals

So, there I was on Truman Blvd. doing 40 in a 35 zone. I was in the slow lane and ahead of me, in the fast lane and four or five car lengths in front of me, was another car seemingly doing 40. Truman is only two lanes wide and the slow lane/fast lane bit isn't all that important as there are left-turn lanes a person might drift into every so often.

As we sped along a white sedan pulled up next to me in a manner that required the driver, a woman, to look over her shoulder should she want to look at me. And she did. Twice. The third time she looked at me I started wondering if she thought she knew me. 

She looked one more time. And then she pulled into my lane and nearly clipped the sweet mini-van.

And I thought: "Maybe she's someone I dated."

I mean, not everybody can divorce me and it was only a matter of time, I suppose, before someone tried to crash into me.

The reason I didn't think she was trying to pull in front of me is that her car was never past me and that is typically a very important part of pulling in front of another car. Even in the no-fault insurance states.

She was so incredibly not past me and had looked at me four times and had such a shitload of space between her and the car in front of her that when she started to come over I didn't think it was anything more than a little bit of lane drifting.

And then, all of a sudden, she was there. Luckily I'd braked out of reflex.

Of course, she hadn't signaled.

 

Technorati Tags: Driving, Women

Posted by delmer at 10:18 PM

June 29, 2008

Kidney Stones

The other day my oldest asked me some questions about kidney stones. One of the questions was, "Do you know anybody who's had kidney stones?"

"Yes," I said, "Mike O from work and my friend Dave."

"Blog Dave?" he asked, forcing me to eventually create a sentence of which I was unsure of the punctuation.

"Yes. Blog Dave."

I'm not sure if I should feel that it's awesome that the world seems to be shrinking which, I think, will somehow make it more friendly (would we be so quick to invade if we had an awareness that Evil Dictator X was evil as he blogged about how he was struggling with kidney stones?) since my kids know the names of some of the bloggers I read or if I should be concerned that the fact the boys know the names of some of the bloggers I read means I need to get out more.

[Man! That is an incredible paragraph! What a perfect end to your Sunday.]

 

Technorati Tags: Blogging, Blogs, Health

Posted by delmer at 11:34 PM

June 28, 2008

Cat 6 for Gigabit Ethernet

I'm certain I've mentioned that I work for the best company in the world. It is very family friendly. My co-workers are brilliant.

To top it off, I have the best job ever. And I love everything about my job.

Except running cable. And I'm not even sure what I don't like about it. It could be all the ladder work. Or the crap falling out of the ceiling onto me (insulation and chunks of ceiling tile) and how it sticks to me as I invariably work up a sweat. Or all the shit in the ceiling area I have to work around.

The job itself is really rather simple. Well, sometimes feeding the drops down the wall can be a bitch.

Anyway, I spent part of today running Cat 6 cable (for gigabit Ethernet) to some of the Engineering stations. I'm very happy with the way everything went except for the hole I put in the wall for the jacks. I ran four drops and bought a four-jack faceplate. I also purchased mounting rings (I've seen them called mud rings and they give you something easy to mount a faceplate to) in standard size (like a regular wall outlet) and double size. Since I had a four-jack faceplate I made a hole — the perfect frikkin' size, I might add — for a double-size wall plate.

Naturally, the four-jack faceplate is the size of a regular wall switch.

Poop.

Technorati Tags: Cat 6, Networking, Sweating

Posted by delmer at 10:41 PM | Comments (6)

June 27, 2008

Flood

So, last night when I got home I decided to take a shower. The boys and I were going to go see The Hulk (Iron Man was better) and I wanted to freshen up.

As I typically do, I started the hot water running before I stepped into the shower. It takes just a moment to for the water heat up and as this is about the same amount of time it takes me to drop my shorts the pre-heating/getting naked portion of showering typically works out to a tidily-timed single step.

I stuck a hand in the water stream before committing my entire body to the flow — you only have to step into water so cold that it reduces your nipples to the size of consistency of a Dippin' Dot but once to learn your lesson; scorching hot water is no treat either.

The water was tepid.

None of the boys had a look about them like they'd been anywhere near the shower.

We'd had a big storm the day before. This felt more than coincidental.

It also felt bad.

And possibly expensive.

Like I said, the water was tepid (which is French for "cold enough to shrink man parts but not so cold that you have to worry about brushing up against the shower tiles and etching them"), and I had a brief, yet refreshing, shower. The reduced man-part size made getting dressed all the faster.

After the movie I went into the cellar. In a moment it became clear that my cellar would not have been a good place to seek shelter from the prior day's storm. Sure, we might have been safe from the wind, but there's a good chance we would have drowned.

Based on the amount of water in a bowl that had been on a low shelf I had at least six inches of water in the cellar.

It's not a lot, I know, but it was enough to put the water heater flame out and, despite my best efforts, I was unable to get it restarted (either last night or this morning).

I called my brother first thing today, he's an HVAC guy, and he told me what I needed to do to fix it. He also told me he's going to crew for a racing boat this weekend in the Chesapeake Bay. This led me to suggest that if a captain were serious about winning a race that filling his crew with Wells Family Members might not be the way to go. My brother said, "No, I'm the perfect size for" … whatever that thing is called where you lean on one side to keep the boat from capsizing (he knew the term) … "One big guy is a lot better than two smaller people for that. Smaller people are good for" … other sailing terms that involved climbing and something to do with a sail… "but when it comes to drinking beer and keeping the boat upright I'm perfect."

Oh, if you're curious, I'm sitting at work unshaven and with bad hair. I do have clean pits and man parts.

Technorati Tags: Sailing, HVAC

Posted by delmer at 7:59 AM | Comments (10)

June 26, 2008

More on DBBE

As part of Delmer's Big Blog Experiment, I've removed the sidebars, leaving the blog with a look even more boring than before.

I'd goofed, it seems, and MikeO pointed out that sidebars were coming up with comments. More research showed they were coming up in the various archive templates as well. All of that has now been removed and we'll see what tomorrow's count comes in at.

Please excuse the mess.

Technorati Tags: Blogging

Posted by delmer at 4:33 PM | Comments (7)

High Winds

Last night, just about the time I was drifting off to sleep, the Tornado Sirens went off. For those of you unfamiliar (that is, foreigners) Tornado Sirens are sounded whenever we have a tornado watch and/or warning. They also go off Wednesdays at noon as part of testing the system and as a reminder for me to take a bike ride.

As you can see one of the problems I have with the sirens is that I can't recall when they go off (except for Wednesday). I also don't remember if it's a watch that means conditions are right and a warning means a tornado had been sighted or if it's the other way around. I use the non-Wednesday-noontime sirens to mean to turn on the TV as I know the weatherperson will tell me what to do.

So, I turned on the TV.

My boys all piled into my room as we tried to sort things out. One of them, the oldest, seemed to be overreacting in my opinion and insisted we go to my Wizard-of-Oz-like cellar (which meant braving the severe rain to get to the outside door.) While I imagine a lot of calm people have been swept away by tornadoes I'm not one to panic and wanted a bit more info before I went that far. As our weatherman had, just moments before said he was surprised we'd had a tornado warning and not just a severe thunderstorm warning, I wasn't sure seeking shelter was needed. (Also, the neighboring county, that I can bike to in five minutes, had been dropped from Tornado-Warning status to Severe-Thunderstorm status.)

Then of course, as we noticed the storm had passed over us (via Doppler Weather Radar images) our weather team reminded us that a Tornado Warning (which is what we were under) means we should seek shelter immediately. Doppler Radar had detected rotation earlier.

[As an aside, if you live in a place that doesn't get severe electrical storms you really don't know what you're missing. So long as nobody gets hurt they're really sort of amazing and a damned fine example of what mother nature can due when she sets her mind to it.]

A wall cloud was spotted several miles away. There was lots of thunder and lightening. And some small hail here and there. We had high winds, serious rain and the thunder and lightening in my neighborhood (this would have been when Doppler Radar had Hilliard getting the brunt of the storm … I'm not sure how the hail missed us).

I have an old tree in my front yard that is trying to fall down one piece at a time. We can get a light breeze and this thing will drop a small, dead branch; I have to pick bits of it up each time I mow the yard. This morning I was interested in seeing what the storm might have done to it. And the storm did seemingly nothing; or the tree gave ups it's branches so easily they were blown into the next neighborhood.

What the storm seemed to have done was pick up a piece of 3x4 landscape timber that was about two feet long and toss it down the alley. And really, my first thought was that a kid had done it who'd, apparently, been taking a walk outside after the storm … yea, it didn't make a lot of sense but neither did the wind thought; my neighbor had five 2x4s leaning against his garage and they were still leaning upright not far from my landscape timber. I picked up my chunk of wood, put it on the pile and walked around to the van. As I got to the front yard there were four or five 3-foot long pieces of landscape timber in my front yard. Again, hoodlums made more sense than anything. And then I noticed the swatch of leaves laying with the timbers — leaves that had been in a pile next to the mound of cut up landscape timbers in the backyard area.

Landscape timbers are not terribly aerodynamic. Had the leaves not been with them I'd have thought kids did it even as I struggled for a motive.

A Motorola Razor isn't terribly aerodynamic either. Yet, somehow, the high winds opened my back door, after unlocking it, and swept my cell phone off the kitchen table, where I'm sure I left it, and then placed it on a table near the grill — where it got rained on for a good, long time. As irritating as this is I'm pleased to report that the high winds were kind enough to lock up after themselves and not make a mess of the kitchen.

(The Razor had gone into emergency-shutdown mode when it got wet (yea, that's it). I took the battery out this morning and let things dry for an hour before putting it all back together. It is up and running.)

Technorati Tags: Hilliard, Thunderstorms

Posted by delmer at 7:13 AM | Comments (6)

June 25, 2008

DBBE -- Trashing Sidebars

You're probably aware that I keep track of one or two things in my life. I can't explain why it is I track some of the things I do aside from curiosity. Others, like my blood work, are sort of important and make me feel like a helper when I share that info.

Lately I've wondered how many people are reading the blog. And not necessarily because I need to know but because there are three tools I use to track it and none of them agree with each other.

I guess I'm really more interested in which one is more accurate and how they can differ so much from one another than how many people stop by here. (Which is not to say I don't love each and every one of you. The women just a little more than the men, if you must know.)

One of the tools suggests that X readers come by each day. Once says X plus or minus 20% of X and the other says about 4X. 

The tool that provides X also provides some other data and based on the info it provides and things I know for a fact, it is missing several people.

I could get into a whole lot of analysis, some of it brilliant sounding while incredibly flawed, but instead I think we'll move on to what I'm calling Delmer's Big Blog Experiment. (With modest apologies to Sara.)

The experiment will try to make all the tools more closely match each other and provide more accurate data:

In order to know the exact count of readers I'll need each one of you to do something for me. No, not comment; I wouldn't ask you to expose yourself like that. Instead I'd like you to drop a dollar in the mail (or something more colorful if you are from one of the outlying countries) to me c/o Mel's Diner in Hilliard, Ohio. If you're like me, a dad with kids, you may not have a dollar; a ten or a twenty will work just fine — I'll do the conversion.

There's a thought that some of the things that rotate images on the blog skew the stats high on the tool that provides 4X. Okay, this is my thought as I've got 3 things that rotate images: Granny Gallery, My Kids, and Boobiethon, and the weather widget. Theres also that Blogosphere item. I'm going to disable some of those bits to see what happens. The tool that provides the 4X count also provides a far greater number of search-terms-used info than either of the other tools. It also gives me bandwith data. It'll be interesting to see what happens when I make changes. [Update -- I've decided to simply remove the sidebars.]

We'll be photo-free during the experiment.

So there we have it. You'll be sending in a dollar. I'll be changing the blog.

Together we'll get to the bottom of this.

 

Technorati Tags: Blogging, Blogs, Hilliard, Mel's Diner, Statistics

Posted by delmer at 11:49 AM | Comments (10)

June 24, 2008

Clint Eastwoodness

The men in my family seem to have a Clint-Eastwoodian sense of right and wrong. And like Clint we're not afraid to mete out a little justice when the situation calls for it. I'm not necessarily talking about big things — we've got law enforcement agencies to take care of those items and if we were to be honest they don't want us in their way (not that that ever stopped Clint, but he had a bevy of writers working for him).  Also the things they deal with don't always impact us in a manner that leaves us saying, "I wish I would have done this or that… then."

Several years ago Granny and Big D (my mom and dad for the newer readers) were in a fast food place; my children were with them. At the table next to them was a group of young people who were using language, in a conversational tone, which my dad didn't think he nor his dining companions should be exposed to. Dad gave the young people a few minutes to note they weren't the only ones in the restaurant and maybe reign the cursing in. When that didn't happen he slapped his hand down and in his authoritative-booming-dad voice said, "That's enough of that." I honestly think when I heard this story it was told with dad slapping his hand in the middle of the foul-mouthed-patrons' table. In any case, the cursing stopped and the conversation turned more toward the rudeness of the big old guy; they seemed to be clueless that tossing "fuck" around between French fries might put some people off. I believe that conversation was held as the foul-mouthed-diners filed out of the restaurant. 

Another time Big D was at a campground and overheard a father tell his son, "Michael, don't run off and leave your sister," and assumed it to mean maybe little Mikey had been running off and leaving his sibling to run crying after him and that Mike's dad was tired of it. The next day Big D was at the campground's carryout and saw Michael and his sis buying snacks. After the little boy paid he made a dash for the door leaving his sister at the counter. "Michael," dad said, and the kid froze, "don't you run off and leave your sister." And he didn't. And if your name is Michael and you were anywhere within three counties of my dad that day you didn't run off and leave your sister either. Such is the power of my dad's dad voice, will, psyche and Clint-Eastwoodness.

In the above examples he isn't exactly stopping bank robbers but he did make the world better for anybody who didn't care to hear thoughtless kids tossing F bombs over lunch and for a little girl who was buying snacks. And I'm certain he could stop bank robbers if the situation ever arose: "You, with the gun! That's enough of that! Give the money back!" 

You may recall my frustration with idiots who text in theaters and the steps I've taken to keep that behavior from being a bother to those of us who came to watch a movie. And my possibly-poorly-thought-out chasing down of people who yell at me while biking (though I maintain that may eventually keep idiots from yelling a someone else and distracting them to the point they crash into the ditch… oooh, that's a weak one). And there was the shopping cart incident that I can't find the entry to link to.

Hmmm. Maybe I'm just an asshole.

Anyway, this past Sunday, Samson and I rode our bicycles up the bike path and then to the local carryout for refreshments. At the door of the carryout was a very young brunette gal who politely stopped us and asked if we had any "spare change for gas." The brunette was likely somewhere around 20, perhaps just under 18 or just over 22. Having a choice of tossing a twenty at her or three ones, I gave her three ones; I figured I'd give her two more after Sam and I had our drinks.

While Samson and I paid, another patron asked the clerks if they knew anything about the gal panhandling outide; one of them got on the phone to the owner.

The carryout emptied except for Sam, me and two clerks. As we sat sipping our pops the young gal came in, apparently having gotten all the money she needed, paid for her gas and asked for a pack of cigarettes.

"I gave you that money for gas," I boomed from where Samson and I were sitting. The clerks turned and looked at me though the brunette appeared not to hear.

My thought was the brunette and I had a verbal contract of sorts. She asked for money for gas and I gave her some. She did not ask for money for cigarettes and while I'd have happily bent the contract to allow for snacks and a pop, tobacco products fall outside of my contract bending. I'm guessing the gal could have argued the point that while she'd asked me for gas money she'd asked the next person for cigarette money and they'd tossed some cash at her — I don't think Perry Mason would have believed it and neither would I, but it didn't matter; she wasn't interested in arguing her point so much as she was scurrying out of the carryout.

"That was really good," said Samson, more about the boomyness of my voice than my oddball sense of right-and-wrong.

Later, when he told his brothers about it he said, "Dad sounded just like Big D."

[I was just the smallest bit irritated with the brunette because I expected honesty from her. I've given seemingly-intoxicate homeless folks money "for food" when they've asked me even though I've suspected they might use at least part of it for Thunderbird; that was my expectation and it was my hope they'd buy at least a little food. (I've bought food for people too, rather than hand off cash — it depended on the situation and my fatherhood status at the time.) "Can you spare a few dollars" would not have come with any strings. "Can you spare a few dollars for gas" comes with strings as the "for gas" portion suggests a specific need — a need she felt to mention as it made her more a damsel in distress than it did a person with poor budgetary skills. I'm not saying it'll make sense to everybody.]

The following photo is a Flickr photo inserted using Linear (formerly Ecto); it's inserted as an image of medium size. AND, it's the Iron Sheik, Haydn, Jack and Samson. 

Technorati Tags: Flickr, Wrestling

Posted by delmer at 7:07 AM | Comments (9)

June 23, 2008

The Amazing Human Body

I wish I knew more about how the human body works. I'm good with the basics — stuff goes in one end and typically comes out the other — but aside from that a lot of what goes on is a big puzzle to me. [I've also noticed that things coming out of the body, regardless of the mode of egress, typically feel a lot better than things going in. Blood is the exception.]

Not long ago I did something to my lower left side, just beneath the last rib. I don't know if I bruised a rib, separated a rib, or cracked a rib off so that it was sort of pointy and poking whatever internal-organ thing might be behind it.

It hurt a fair amount whenever I did something to aggravate it but as the aggravation-type things seemed to be few there wasn't much to complain about. After a few days I'd determined that running, coughing and doing sit-ups/crunches were the things that hurt most (and sit-ups/crunches the most by far)… so I tried not to do those things.

The sit-up-crunches were very easy not to do.

You'll recall I'd talked to a couple of doctors about this and we'd decided to see how things felt after a few days. And, generally speaking, things felt better day after day.

When I went to bed Friday night I noticed the pain as I put my head on my pillow. This was new, I thought, but I attributed it to having my pillow puffed up a bit much. Saturday morning things hurt a good deal more in that way things will hurt when your body acknowledges that your doctor is closed and your only chance to see a medical professional involves Urgent Care or an ER. Not that I'd go to Urgent Care or an ER for it — the pain wasn't that bad — I was just enjoying the irony. And I'd decided if it hurt that much on Monday I'd certainly see my primary care physician then.

It hurt enough that when I'd lay back on a bench while lifting my eyes would water a little and getting up off the bench required that I sort of roll onto my right side and push off with my shoulder. You've probably seen that move in the Olympics.

Several times over the course of the day I'd lift my shirt and look at the area in pain as I figured there should be some sort of bruise, maybe some swelling, or a glow-in-the-dark patch of skin right around the painful area. Something! But there was never anything there.

And then, Sunday, I could do situps. It hurt a little. But just a little.

The photo on this page is an old schoolhouse I rode past last summer. I've probably posted the picture before but this time I've used the Insert Flickr Photo tool from Linear (formerly Ecto) to place the image. 

Technorati Tags: Cycling, Flickr, Health, Injuries, Working out

Posted by delmer at 4:40 PM | Comments (7)

June 22, 2008

Yesterday's Carnival

This past April one of Hilliard's school crossing guards was killed (I am tearing up as I type this… why does stuff like this never happen when I'm with my therapist? She might be tickled to see the non-Spock-like me) … where were we?

One of our crossing guards was killed when she ran into the crosswalk to push a child out of the way of a dump truck that then struck them both. Diana Sharp died and the child, eight-year old Christian Engel was seriously injured. According to the Columbus Dispatch it seems to have been a simple case of the truck driver not seeing the pair.

 

(This is not the best shot of the crowd)

This past Saturday the Sharp-Engel Carnival was held at a park not far from my home. Due to the fact that I have to make three children happy I wasn't able to attend the whole carnival. As it was Samson and I showed up about an hour before it ended.

Now, in all fairness, the only reason I'd have wanted to be at the Carnival the whole time was because I wanted to see McGuffey Lane and Phil Dirt and the Dozers. The fact that we showed up toward the end only modestly affected the amount of money I was able to spend. Well, I guess we did miss most of the raffles — so we could have spent a little more. 

The Band

But let's not worry over that.

Technorati Tags: Hilliard, Carnival

Posted by delmer at 9:50 PM | Comments (10)

June 21, 2008

From the Mailbag

This is part of something that was in my e-mail today. 

Dear  delmer.com webmaster,
 
Your web site appears at the our top of the best sites by Ron Jeremy theme.  

Our web site www.WhatAppearsToBeAPornSite.xxx has the similar content and we would like to place a link to your web site in order to allow our visitors to enjoy your web site content as well.  

If you find this offer useful for your business and are interested to keep the link for extended period of time, we would like to ask you to place receiprocal link to our web site on yours. 

Ron, who I'm sure is a delightful man, needs to hire a better PR firm if my site is one of the best referencing him. (In all fairness to Mr. Jeremy, I'm guessing he's not affiliated with this promotion.) 

So, visitors to that site would be treated to links for porn, porn, porn, then, boom, stories about me wearing my underwear for a week at a time. Oh, and, I guess, a shot of my backside, which is hardly porn-worth. (Hey! Would it have been too much for any of you folks commenting about my tushy to have tossed a "sweet" in there? I don't ask for much people.) 

I ran this next one through Notepad to destroy all the links. It sort of destroyed the formatting as well. 

Spanish is not one of the languages I barely speak and the only thing I recognize are my name and the reference to Alaska (both highlighted). The colors used in the original mailing were very festive and had a party feel to them. 

Bem-vindo ao Habbo, delmer! 

Usted tiene un asno dulce 

Obrigado por registrar-se no Habbo.com.br e Habbo.pt.
Por favor ative sua conta clicando aqui.
Aqui estão seus detalhes de usuário: 

Nome Habbo: delmer
Nascimento: 30/05/1985
Guarde as informações acima com segurança - você precisa do nome de usuário e da data de nascimento para recuperar a senha no caso de perdê-la. 

I suspect the part that says "you have a sweet ass" might translate correctly to "you have a sweet donkey," as I put that part in myself. I'm guessing, too, that this might have something to do with somebody wanting to use Delmer as a trademark or something in a Spanish-speaking country; I get a similar sort of spam from a dude claiming to be in Hong Kong and concerned about what a Chinese person might want to do with Delmer.

Technorati Tags: SPAM

Posted by delmer at 9:37 AM | Comments (6)

June 20, 2008

The cycling week in review

I rode to work each and every day and also took longer rides at lunch.

I played The Game for the first time this season and likely for the final time ever. And I'm going out on top with this year's score being me with one and hoodlums zero. The reason we're done with the game is I've decided boys can't help themselves and just shout things for no reason other than they're guys. I caught up with the "yelling guy" today and we had a pleasant chat at a light. He wasn't trying to be an ass; he was just a guy.

I hit 37 mph coming down the side of the overpass that I hit 33 on last year. I'd have made 40 but as I was coming down the hill doing about 30, in a 35 zone, a white van eased by me as he couldn't bear to be behind a bicycle doing 30. You'll note he didn't race by me; it wasn't like he was in a hurry. He pulled away from me for a bit as I continued to accelerate to 37 at which point I was gaining on him but still had plenty of room to hit 40. Until he got on his brakes because he thought the upcoming turn was his. As it happens his turn was a mile down the road at the light.

I have received more than one suggestion that I'll never have sex again if I continue to wear my underwear on multiple days.

A deer ran out of the woods about 20 feet from me as I sat at a stop sign.

Tonight as I pedaled home I came around a sweeping curve and there were six baby bunnies in the mowed part of the grass. I'd swear if you could have measured the distance between them they'd have been space equally at 15 feet or so apart.

A very large truck cut a corner as he came at me and would have hit me had I been a car. He didn't come close to hitting me but that's because I saw him.

I returned the wireless cyclometer I bought. It kept recording my MAX SPEED at 59.6 mph which is a good deal faster than I've ever gone. Even with a tailwind. It also had me going 5 mph as I sat in my recliner with it reading the instructions. Cadence never worked.

I picked up a Cateye Strada wired cyclometer and installed it.

Technorati Tags: Cycling, Health

Posted by delmer at 11:21 PM | Comments (6)

June 19, 2008

Biking to Work

Today we'll make some assumptions.

We'll assume:

I ride the bike to work tomorrow

I take the same lunch ride I've been taking

Gas is $4.00 a gallon

The sweet mini-van gets 20 mpg

"Mini-van" is hyphenated

It's a 2-mile drive to work

So, at the end of the week, having bicycled to work every day, I'll have driven 20 fewer miles than I normally do and I'll have saved one gallon of gas or $4.00. I'll have put it in the face of the speculators that are driving the price of oil up. Big Oil will have been my bitch. I'll have given OPEC the finger. I'll have kept The Man down. I'll be this much closer to helping OJ find the real killers.

I'll also have burned about 8500 calories (or enough to offset 31 cups of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream) as I typically expend 1700 each day when you take the trips to and from work and the lunch ride into account (which may explain why I'm hungry all the time). It might be worth noting that while it's fewer than two miles to work I stretch it out to about five each way. And the calorie calculation is an interesting one when you consider the software I use says I burn more calories the faster I go and I'm pretty sure I'm burning more when I'm going slower and struggling against the wind (especially if I'm vacationing on Fire Lake in Kathmandu like a Ramblin' Gamblin' Man); oh well, it's not like any of the software I use interfaces with an anemometer.

Another oddity with software that calculates calories burned while pedaling is that some programs suggested I was burning almost nothing over the course of an hour while one or two seemed outrageously high to the point I'd have been reduced to a pile of powder after a short ride. I finally settled on the formula used by software on my PDA as it is close to the calories Bicycle Magazine says I burn; both closely match what my Garmin Forerunner says.

(To keep my life simple, when I'm doing the math in my head I calculate 1150 calories an hour. This should be the low end of the spectrum and I figure that against the wind one way vs with the wind on the way home all evens out. Oh, these calculations are based on a body that weighs 240 pounds. You may have unhappy results if you go on the Ben & Jerry's diet and think riding a bike 90 minutes a day will keep you even Steven.) 

Anyway, we were talking about what tomorrow will bring assuming I ride the bike. One of the things I've yet to mention is that I'll have worn the same underwear five days in a row. Think about it, it isn't hard to wear the same pair 24-hours straight (though, now that I think about it, I normally go 12 hours between changes) and the underwear I've been wearing daily is a pair I leave at work and slip on when I get there.

I'll also have worn only two shirts this week — again, only at work — and I'd have made it just one shirt had I not had dinner with a friend last night. I keep a couple of shirts at work (the ones with delmer.com on them, I feel a little nerdy wearing them out into the real world) that I put on after I take the Lycra off. (So, yes, for a brief period of time I'm in my office totally naked. And yes, once with the door shut, a female person walked in without knocking. But just once, and I had drawers on. But, dammint! the door was shut!) 

I should probably take more underwear to work.

By the way that's one of the two shirts I wore to work this week. You can see the delmer.com just above the pocket. 

Technorati Tags: Cycling

Posted by delmer at 5:10 PM | Comments (14)

June 18, 2008

Update to Tale of Tech Support

This was in my mail a little bit ago. I found it after I posted the earlier entry.

 

Dear DELMER WELLS,   

Your satisfaction is essential to Company X's continued success. We are determined to earn your confidence as a trusted advisor that can help you unify, simplify and securely manage your infrastructure for greater business results.   

Our records show that your issue XXXXXX -Y "CONSUMER PRODUCT ISSUE" has been resolved. We hope you had a good experience working with our team. If you would like to review your issue, please go to: Our Web Address XXXX. Please note, you will need to have an account and may be prompted to log in prior to viewing the issue.   

We hope you will invest about 5 minutes to tell us how well we are performing against your expectations.   

 

 You've got to be kidding me. 

Wait it gets better: 

I went to the vendor site, logged int, and could see the case they've asked me to take a survey about. When I click on it I'm told I don't have permission to view it and that I'm to fill in the "highlighted fields below." Naturally, the page (in IE and Firefox) is blank except for the notice that I need to fill in the highlighted fields below.

Technorati Tags: Software, Tech Support

Posted by delmer at 9:08 AM | Comments (3)

Tales of Tech Support

Yesterday I needed to call Tech Support for a new product we're installing. The new product replaces and existing product that works just fine and and costs no more than the old, discontinued, product renewal would have cost. 

During the installation the new product prompted me for a license file that I'd not yet gotten as I hadn't expected to need one as I hadn't needed one for the old product. 

I'd purchased 70 licenses of the old product and used 68 of them; so really, there was no reason to monitor our usage (I know others are not as honest.) We've purchased 85 licenses for the new product, just in case we grow. [This does point to the reason the old product is being replaced; so I can be watched more closely]

I opened the manual that came with TNP and was directed to download the newest version of the Registration Program. This had a familiar look and feel to it and it was my recollection that I'd fill stuff out and receive the file I needed via the web or e-mail.

The Registration Program told me "Choose Your Product."

Alas, my product wasn't listed.

Fortunately, I had an option to phone them and the Registration Program provided the number I needed. So I called and a cheerful voice answered to tell me, "You have reached a non-working Company X phone number. Please call ... etc."

So I called that number and a cheerful voice answered and said, "Thank you for calling Company X. If you are calling about This or That, press one. If you are calling about The Other Thing press two." As I was calling about This I pressed one and a cheerful voice came on the line and said, "For help with product This please call ..."

So I called the new number and a cheerful voice answered with a prompt that I would not have expected to receive for the product This. This was followed by a modestly cheerful fellow picking up the phone and expressing some dumbfoundedness over why I'd be asking him the questions I was asking. He suggested I call a new number.

And I did. And a cheerful voice came on and told me my wait was less than 15 minutes. You know how I am about countable nouns, but I'm never really sure if that applies to time. I should probably look it up. Fewer than 15 minutes. Minutes are nouns, but they're sort of etherial.

In any case I said, screw this and pressed "resubmit" on the software I was trying to get work. Oh, I left this out of the above. The Registration Software claimed to have the ability to get my customer number — which is not one of the 100 numbers included on the License Program Certificate that came with the software — but it was balking. At the "less than 15 minutes" noticed I pressed "resubmit" for the 10th time and it worked. [Another aside: I finally checked on how current the newest version of the Registration Software was … it was published in 2000.)

So I hung up, thinking I was making progress.

I wasn't. Getting my customer number was the only thing the software could do and it gagged just after I hung up the phone.

I said "fuck" mostly to myself and then got the cheap ass little "manual" that came with the software. AHA! There were more numbers in the back — and one of them said Licensing Information! How could I have been so stupid not to have seen it?!

I gave it a call and a cheerful voice answered and said, "You have reached a non-working Company X phone number if ..." and the voice continued but I'd pretty much lost interest and hung up after tossing a John McCainism at the phone. [Perhaps not, but I read about the McCainism at Eriepressible and thought I'd reference it.]

I called the "Less than 15 Minutes Number" again and it was picked up right away. I had a very nice conversation with a gentleman who suggested several things that would have made a lot of sense had they matched the screen prompts the software had given me. As a matter of fact, during my troubleshooting I'd tried many times to get just the screen prompts he thought I might be getting to come up but couldn't get the software to move past "browse for file."

He transferred me to a pleasant sounding woman and I told her my tale of woe. After just a second's reflection she said I needed to speak with someone higher up the Tech Support chain and said she'd transfer me.

Naturally, and if you've ever had to work with Tech Support before this will come as no surprise, instead of transferring me, she hung up.

The photo on this page is of my garage before I moved in. The reason I'm showing it is when I was looking for a photo I saw this one and wondered what the hell it was. The garage looks nowhere near this clean now — I'm hoping this photo might inspire me to get rid of the motorcycle that's taking up so much room. 

Technorati Tags: Software, Tech Support

Posted by delmer at 7:32 AM | Comments (2)

June 17, 2008

I'm a Winner

As you know I am sort of odd about the things I share with people. Last year when I went to the UK I don't think I mentioned it until I was on my way to the plane. I went to France when I was 15 yet failed to mention it to anybody 10 years later when everybody was talking about the trips abroad they'd taken. I don't know why I'm like this except, maybe, I don't want people to think I have more than they do. I'm not sure. I mean, I'm considering riding my bike from Montreal to Quebec, or the other way around, I want to go from west to east so the wind is at my back, and I'm happy to mention that now (even though it may never happen). But it's Canada. And it isn't that Canada isn't special, it's just that I can be there in a couple of hours so it doesn't feel like a big deal.

[The Montreal / Quebec route is a bit short. Throwing Toronto into the mix makes it a bit long. Unfortunately, those are the only three cities in Canada and the rest is just a giant, rambling, wilderness. (Ramblin' … I'm a ramblin' man. Now put on your Steve Martin arrow-through-the-head thing and do that last line properly.)]

Anyway, back to the fact that I'm a Winner.

Today I've won an international award from the Dutch Council of Resource Management for my contributions to water conservation. First prize is something the DCRM referred to as two kilos of Maui Wowi and while it sounded interesting it also sounded like it would involve some sort of conversion from the Metric System to the One True System That is Right and When Will the Rest of You Get on Board With. And that's a lot for an American to deal with first thing in the morning. 

Especially before coffee.

So I opted for a different prize.

And I may have made some of that up.

What I've won is the Rinse, Lather, Repeat contest that the Dutch Bitch was running. It appears I came in first over two tots being bathed in sinks. What is super awesome is that my photo is currently represented thusly on her site:

 

So, as the Photobucket images scroll you get, cute kid followed by cute kid, then Danger Will Robinson!! 

My mother, thank God she still doesn't have Internet, would be so proud.

The Dutch Bitch seems like a very nice person and it's my understanding that English is her second language; she may have even more languages in there, I'm not sure. I know the Dutch guy I met last year had his noggin chock-full of languages; perhaps all the Dutch (and there appear to be about a 15 of them… Holland is very small but filled with cuteness) are multiplylinquistic; learning a new language seems like it might be a good way to pass the time when you can't find a fourth for bridge; and in a country comprised of only 15 people one table is always going to be short a player.)

But anyway, as I said, the Dutch Bitch seems like a very nice person and she makes use of the English language better than so many of us do. But I have a concern. Even when a person knows a lot there might be one or two things that get past them and I'm worried that she doesn't know that "Bitch" is not typically a term of endearment over here. Maybe "Bitch" was so close to whatever word they use for "Queen" that she decided to use it without checking her Dutch/English Dictionary.

Who knows? It's a lot for an American to fret over first thing in the morning. Coffee'd up or not.

Oh, part of the picture looks a bit like this.

 

 

You'll note an serious lack of lats.

 

Technorati Tags: Blogs, Contest

Posted by delmer at 7:56 AM | Comments (12)

June 16, 2008

Wang Dang

Yesterday I was driving along when Ted Nugent popped up on my iPod. While this happens more often than you might think it is always a pleasant surprise.

The song he was singing was the redundantly titled "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang." Redundant because, you know, it's all sweet; he probably knew that but needed the extra syllable to tie the song together. Artists are like that.

At one point in the song Ted goes into what we'd call these days a "rap." In Red Red Wine it was called a "toast." When Ted was in the creative throes of what would become Wang Dang Sweet Poontang he probably said, "I'm just gonna talk this part."

So the rap/toast/talk bit came up and it goes sort of like this:

All right baby,
You see what I got here in my hands,
It's right here in my hands and it's for you baby,
I think I'm gonna yank on it one time ... Lookout!

And that is followed up by some serious guitar.

I have a thought on what Ted is talking about here and I've got to say that I admire the fact that when he talks about what he's holding he says "I've got it here in my hands." It takes 'em both it's that big. I suspect the size of his man-tool is one of the reasons he bangs around on such a big guitar. Because when you're wearing a loin cloth on stage there's a better than 50% chance the tool will slip loose and you'll want something to hide it behind to keep the man from hauling you off to jail on an indecency charge. (It's a little known fact that one of the reasons you see so many waist-up-only shots of Johnny Weissmuller in the Tarzan's he shot is because his outfit provided so little in the way of coconut support.)

I also like the fact that Ted comes off as a thoughtful lover in this bit of the song. Nothing says "I care for you" more than a big, screeching "Lookout!" right before you set stuff flying.

Of course I'm not sure the fact that yanking on it "one time" leads to a "Lookout!" says much about his stamina. Ah, well… Ted was young when he wrote the song and as men age we gain a little bit in the way sexual resiliency. And, "I'm going to yank on it all afternoon just before I fail to please you" is an awkward lyric. Even when it's followed by serious guitar.

Speaking of serious guitar, I think this song is proof that you can say/sing almost anything and if you follow it up an ass-kicking riff you can sell whatever it is you're saying/singing.

Think about it — you've got George Bush giving the State of the Union and he comes out and says "We've found no WMDs and the whole war was a sham." And you think, what a dipwad. And you think it again when you see it replayed on the early news and again on the late news.

Now, if he says, "We've found no WMDs and the whole war was a sham" and then pulls out Gibson hollow-body and goes into the opening chords of Wango Tango you'll find yourself thinking, "Go Dubya!." You'll tune into the early news just to hear the guitar part of the State of the Union and you'll give the wife a yell so she catches it during the late news. 

And when she grouses, "No WMDs? What a dipwad!" You'll give her a shush and a keep-quiet look and say, "You're going to miss the best part."

Lookout!

Today's Photo is from the St. Brendadn 2006 Pig Race. Several of the elementary classes painted battery-powered pigs that were placed in the center of the basketball court. The first pig that scooted to the edge of the ring won and that class got a visit from the Pope. Or a pizza party. 

 

Technorati Tags: Immaturity, Ted Nugent

Posted by delmer at 11:47 AM | Comments (7)

June 15, 2008

Injury Update

You've probably spent the last couple of days worrying over just how that injury to my rib area (or spleens) has played out. 

Well, let me tell you, I did something uncommon for me and most men. I took a couple of days off from doing anything exercise related. You know, just to give it a chance to heal.

Saturday I started lifting weights again and I'm happy to report the only thing it seems I can't do is flyes. Flyes are done by lying on a bench with a couple of dumbells, I use the ones I've named Bush and Cheney, extended above your chest and lowered laterally in a sweeping motion. Kind of. And then back up.

Ahnuld used to describe it as: Lahke yu hahgin a trwee.

He also used to say, "eatin's not cheatin'" but that wasn't so much about lifting weights as it was lifting skirts.

Flyes seemed like they'd be a problem as soon as I tried to lay back with the dumbells. As the motion involved in laying back and the motion involved in doing the exercise are different I'd hoped that things would be OK once I was in position with the weight above my chest. However, it was not to be.

With the dumbells on the floor I took a moment to analyze what went wrong as I hadn't had any trouble doing bench press. I got to the "Both exercises involve weights suspended at arm's length" thought when it hit me. The weight is not suspended. I'm holding it there. If it were suspended I'd be benching an actual ton and doing flyes with Ford Fiestas. 

I'll try flyes again this Tuesday but I'll drop the weight a bit. I'll probably use BMW Isettas.

You might recall my big worry involved squats. There was no issue with them at all and when I realized there wasn't going to be a problem it all made sense. I've got halfway decent legs and if I wasn't able to squat for a year I'd still have halfway decent legs due to genetics.

Lats are another thing.

If you were to ever see me naked, and the opportunity may present itself sooner than you'd like, you'd notice I have nothing in the way of lats. Which is surprising as I work them. I do three sets of 12 of  pull downs and the same for seated rows, and when I twang the wire I use a two-handed grip and pull away at a 90 degree angle from the center of my body (I do one set of, oh what? One hundred? Two hundred? Thirty? It's hard to count and keep any sort of fantasy going). All three of these exercises hit the lats pretty hard.

I'm happy to report that lat work wasn't a problem either.

And riding the bike isn't any trouble at all. So, as injuries go, things could be worse.

Well, it's getting late. I'm going to shower, do some lat work, and hit the bed.

The (blurry) photo on this page is of Samson in his new dirt bike helmet.  

Technorati Tags: Cycling, Health, Injuries, Working out

Posted by delmer at 11:30 PM | Comments (8)

June 14, 2008

Snoozy

My day started off with me lying to a female. "Are you just getting out of bed?!" asked a woman friend of mine incredulously (as denoted by the exclamation point and question mark) when I returned her call.

"No, I was in the shower when you called."

To be totally honest, I had been in bed when she called but showered and in the car and on my way to breakfast at Hometown Buffet (I had a coupon) by the time I'd noticed she'd left a message. The message was, "Would you like to join my boys and me for donuts?"

I called back and after a brief conversation we decided to have breakfast instead of donuts. Her children didn't want to come.

One of the hardest things about being divorced is that you have to look good all the time. When I was going to breakfast by myself I knew for a fact I wouldn't run into anybody I knew and had dressed appropriately. I didn't know who I'd run into while with AWFOM and thought I'd better change clothes.

During breakfast I'd confessed that I'd been sleeping when she'd called and had not climbed out of bed until after 10 a.m.; it would seem lying to her had been more than I cold bear. She was kind enough to not give me a hard time about it — and probably just as well.

After breakfast, we had omelets and pancakes at First Watch, we drove over to Kroger to return a video to whatever that kiosk thing is that are popular in supermarkets these days. The weather was beautiful and as we drove along AWFOM stuck her legs up and out the window of the sweet, sweet, AC-less, minivan. This caused me a little concern.

"You probably don't let your kids do this," she said.

"We'll," I said, "I'm always afraid the airbag will deploy and break their legs. Since your an adult I'll cut you some slack. And this way I get to admire your legs." And I said that just to be funny as I'm really not a leg person.

And I don't know why I'm not a leg person. I'm sure AWFOM had nice legs, she works out, and they seem to carry her around well enough. They fit snugly up into her butt which I think is rather nice.  Oh, and today at breakfast I stole a look at her boobies, just because she had sort of a tank top thing on and I wondered how they were doing up under it; they seemed to be holding up rather well. But they're really not my trigger either.

Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of breasts and not just because it isn't uncommon for the part of the woman following the breasts to be bringing me a sandwich,  or an omelet and pancakes, but because they're just sort of nice. (When they're growing out of a woman. Not so much when they're growing out of me.)

I realize this is an odd digression it's just that I sometimes wonder why it is I like the things I like about women.

Anyway, AWFOM has very nice hair, and that is one of my triggers. Though I knew it wouldn't matter today.

Back at her place I started doing some work on one of her computers. It has slowed down to the point her kids didn't want to use it and she'd thought she might give it to me to re-purpose. I'd suggested that she keep it and that the operating system be reinstalled so I set about doing it. She took a nap.

(And while she snoozed I put her hand in a warm bowl of water. It really doesn't make you pee your pants.)

She woke up before I was finished and apologized for taking a snooze. Inasmuch as I've had women divorce me and leave me an emotional wreck I can't say the nap was really too bothersome and we talked about how sometimes sleep is just the thing a person needs to make them feel better.

"As a matter of fact, I was self medicating this mornining," I said.

She'd call me a few hours later to thank me again and to tell me about the graduation party she'd gone to … and the nap she'd had following that.

Today's Photo: Not long ago I was taking a walk around town and noticed the City of Hilliard had painted the water tower in Old Hilliard. They may have also replaced some lights on it; I can't remember if the water tower was poorly lit when it had rust streaks on it. Anyway, this is a picture of it I took during the blizzard of 2008. 

Technorati Tags: Hilliard, Women

Posted by delmer at 10:15 PM | Comments (9)

June 13, 2008

Blood Work Update: June 2008

As you know I have a pituitary tumor that causes hormone problems. At one point I was taking 3 mg of Dostinex weekly in doses of 1.5 mg (three pills) at a time. To de-confuse that a little it would have been six pills a week and if you multiply that by 4.3 weeks per month it comes to 25.8 pills monthly (of course, that's not how it worked out, that's just average).

At $31.00 a pill, for the non-generic, it comes to $800 per month or about $9600 per year. I'm sure that's not what my insurance company paid but when you consider the pills are the size of Tic Tacs, and you get about 100 of those for a dollar (and minty-fresh breath to boot) it seems like quite a markup.

Blah blah blah. Enough pseudo-bitching.

I've been taking .25 mg per week for something like the last six months. This is 1/2 pill per week and I guess that would still be $15.50 weekly or $806 annually. And while I still have to supplement with something else for kissable freshness, it is a serious improvement.

Anyway, I got yesterday's blood work back and my Prolactin is at 8.6 (where 2.1 to 17.7 is normal). So I'm doing fairly well.

I'm down three pounds from last time as well.

And in the mornings I can cut diamonds.

The Hormone Table (will be updated this weekend with the new data).

While I still haven't done anything to make it look pretty, the most-recently edited version of my Hormone Tale is on another blog.

The photo in this entry is of my fridge. You'll notice things on it like outdated coupons for Mel's Diner, the Bicycle Magazine gloves review, things my kids have made and picture after picture of my children, nieces and nephews. 

Technorati Tags: Pituitary, Prolactin, Health

Posted by delmer at 8:09 AM | Comments (13)

June 12, 2008

The Pain

Just the other day I realized I was squatting all the weight I wanted to. I'd reached my goal, as undefined as it might be.

My primary goal, of course, is to not get injured. My secondary goal is to squat a certain weight which dovetails into the tertiary goal of having that weight easy to get on the bar (that is, I'd rather use a couple of big plates than a bunch of small ones. For example, squatting 315 would be easier to load than squatting 310, as it would be three 45-pound plates on each side rather than two 45s and then smaller plates that would require the doing of some math. I don't squat 315; please refer to the primary goal.)

Reaching the goal also meant something else. Squatting would get easier as time passed and the weight remained the same. I'm sure I'd eventually add more weight but I've no desire to squat big shitloads of weight — I'm not training for the Olympics.

Yesterday I was at Wafelenbak and she had a post about how she was ill and as much as there is never a good time to be ill it doubly sucked as she'd been making progress in her training and this would certainly set her back. This led me to think about the numerous times I'd had similar things happen.

Last night I was cleaning out the rainwater sewer drain in front of my house. There's part of me that thinks this is something the city should take care of, but they've looked at it and I seem to have a greater interest in having this project completed than they do; it's my front yard that has the flooding problem.

Anyway, I dug down past the two pipes that run from either side of the larger pipe — the one is normal manhole-cover sized — and serve as inlet and outlet pipes. In the end I removed about two feet of dirt and while the two smaller pipes still have some cloggage in them I'm thinking the whole thing will drain a bit better.

Digging it out required that I lie atop and over some landscape timbers that give the drain a decorative, almost festive, look. So, I was lying on my stomach, my ribs actually, and reaching down and into the drain. And I was almost done. And one of my ribs made a funny move and it hurt just a little. And it may not have been a rib so much as a muscle or cartilage or one of my spleens; it's hard to know without actually cutting me open and having a look.

It hurt enough in the night that it woke me up once or twice. It isn't a sharp pain and strikes me as something that will go away in a few days or a week.

It also strikes me as something that will make doing squats sort of tricky. Which makes sense as the "I've reached a goal" thought obviously jinxed me.

Before anybody says anything I have seen a doctor about it already. Well, it was my endocrinologist and I just asked him if it was possible to bruise a rib and if it were cracked would I know about it. I also told him it was my plan to see how it felt after a few days before getting worried; he thought that was a reasonable idea. (I explained further that the reason I was asking him about it was so I'd be able to tell my mother, "Yes, I've talked to a doctor about my ribs.")

I'm not sure what the pain in the side will do to riding The New Bike. But you can be sure I'll tell you about it.

The photo on this page is (obviously) a sign promoting and American Indian Pow Wow at the Franklin County Fairgrounds.  

Technorati Tags: Injuries, Yard work

Posted by delmer at 8:55 PM | Comments (8)

June 11, 2008

Something Goofy from McDonald's

I think I've mentioned that the best McDonald's in the chain is less than a mile from where I work. There's another that's about the same distance from where I live but I always come to the one near work as I just like it more.

Once in a while I'll go to the McDonald's site for nutrition information, to take a survey, or to tell them how much I love my local McDonald's. At some point I gave them a throwaway e-mail address — that way if they started to SPAM me I could delete the address and have lost nothing. I'm happy to report that in all the months they've had the address yesterday is the first time they've sent me anything. And it was this:

Click to make me move.

 

I can't say I agree with what the character says, I'm more of a Diet Pepsi guy in the morning, but it is kind of cool in a goofy sort of way.

Technorati Tags: McDonald's

Posted by delmer at 11:06 AM | Comments (10)

June 10, 2008

Yard Work

I've recently been doing something that would drive every woman reader here, except the local ones, to want me in the worst way.  (The "wanting me" part seems to be a supply-and-demand thing. The supply of me is too great locally which, of course, drives demand down.).

And that thing is: Yard work.

"Big deal," the men are all saying. "I'm out in the yard several days a week. Anytime my wife asks me to plant something I'm there. With just the smallest amount of complaining. As soon as the game/race/match it over."

And therein lies my charm. I'm doing it without direction. I'm just a guy who has decided he could use some landscaping done and has gotten busy with a shovel, wheelbarrow, crowbar and hammer.

I'm also a straight guy and this brings with it it's own set of landscaping challenges. But I soldier on.

I've recently had three yards of soil delivered and what appears to be a yard or two of mulch (it was on the same trailer as the soil and the guy let me have it for a song.) In addition I'd already purchased 15 bags of mulch and I had two left over from last year.

Last night, after spending far too long driving past a Lowes that I was unable to find (and these places are huge… they're the only man-made things that can be seen from outer space) I finally homed in on it an purchased a piece for my in-ground sprinkler system. (Spread your arms out as far as you can reach and make one slow spin. My yard is about as big as the area covered by your arms when you spin — yet I have an in-ground irrigation system. And I'm have a well for it. And I live in the city and have city water for the house.) Samson helped me install the sprinkler.

While at Lowes I also picked up two Flowering Spirea plants. They were about $19.00 each and had I known that two years ago I'd have put a lot more effort into not killing the two that these guys replaced. They are currently in the ground in an area that is mulch ready.

You'll notice the photos below. They mark a plan I've had, and possibly tried to implement, before. And that is: A picture a day. Pictures make the web look nicer and just about any picture will do the trick. I always like photos I see from other places and, while many of the things I put up might bore some, I'm convinced someone, somewhere will find them interesting (To those people who find some of the pictures mundane I say don't worry, I'll eventually hit upon something you find interesting).

These photos are of my front yard at something before 7 a.m. In the middle of this picture is a storm drain that is packed so solid with mud that it creates less of a draining situation and more of a reservoir effect in my front lawn. I've had the city out to look at it and that's just what they did; look at it. I imagine they wrote up a work order to do something further with it but that the piece of paper blew out the window, unnoticed, as the workers drove off to another site.

The flooding sort of spreads into the road a little bit and into the alley between my house and the Masonic Lodge.

Tonight, assuming the drain is empty, I'm going to take a shovel to it to see if I can free things up.

Technorati Tags: Gardening, Yard work

Posted by delmer at 4:21 PM | Comments (7)

June 9, 2008

Holy Crap, it's June 9th

The 15-year old in me had almost forgotten.

Technorati Tags: Immaturity

Posted by delmer at 4:07 PM | Comments (10)

Strong Language

I'm not one to be put off by strong language in the bedroom.

Let's face it, there needs to be some sort of talking going on while playing snugglebunnies or the whole thing become a cacophony of grunting and slapping sounds with the occasional vibrating and oogah-horn noises thrown in.

And since a man wants to be careful of what he says in bed — women are always listening and taking notes and a man doesn't want to say anything he can be held accountable for later — cursing (and praying) seem like safe bets. And while I can't explain it somehow screaming "Oh God, oh God, oh God" does seem a bit more romantic than screaming, "I'm going to mow that freakin' yard and then spread some mulch and then paint the window casings!"

Wait. Before we go any further, let me explain why cursing/praying make for better bedroom banter:

Oh God, oh God, oh God: Short and to the point. Rolls off the tongue. If there is a God this might draw his attention to you and the swell job you're doing pleasing your lady. (If you are not married and this is simple fornication, try to make a face that looks repentant during the act. If it is adultery, choose a different deity entirely; maybe that Indian gal with all the arms.)

I'm going to mow that freakin' yard and then spread some mulch and then paint the window casings!: This one has several problems going for it. Firstly, it sets you up for a lot of work just about the time you'll want to slip into the DFS* coma. Secondly, it's a lot to say and in order to get it all out before the exciting climactic end some guys are going to have to start it just about the time they start foreplay.

The guidelines I've laid out here apply only to the men. Women can say anything in bed without too much worry. We're just happy she's there and won't be any less happy if she spends the time she's with us talking about all the other guys who were so much better at pleasing her than we are. It's not like were listening or going to remember anything she says anyway and, secretly, we're thankful for the noise as the chatter keeps us oriented with respect to top-and-bottom navigation. (And boys, if you're doing it right you're eventually going to lose track. This is why I always keep a sextant next to the bed and shoot the North Star before getting out the oils.)

(I've got to say, though, with women top-end and bottom-end aren't really all that important. God, if there is one, was certainly looking out for the guys there. Of course He knew well ahead of time what buffoons we'd be in the bedroom.)

Where were we?

Ah yes.

I'm not one to be bothered by strong language in the bedroom. Thus far in this post I haven't given any examples but let me just say I'm not put off by women screaming things like, shit, fuck or damn. (I can't tell you the number of times I've had a woman climb back into the bed screaming, "What the fuck are you doing!?")

Having said all of that, hearing men curse while I'm in bed is so much not the turn on. Especially at 6:45 in the morning. Especially when my kids' window is on the same side of the house as mine is.

What woke me up this morning? "Something's fucking wrong here," said by one of the construction guys across the street.

And he's right. There are many things fucking wrong there. Not the least of which is construction guys cursing at 6:45 when the city says they can't start working until 7:30. And what the fuck were they doing early Saturday morning that woke me up? And how did that external wall that tilts in for 3/4 of the way up before tilting out (reaching only true vertical at the pivot point) pass inspection? And why is it taking so long to build; is it because they have an American crew working the job? Some Latinos dug out a basement and stuck a three-bedroom house atop it over a long weekend last year (and yes! I'm exaggerating).

I really don't care how long the project takes, though it is taking too long. I don't care how much noise they make; I can typically sleep through anything. However, I don't need an early-morning "fuck" that might wake my kids up.

And I certainly don't need construction guys taking a piss outside by their truck a short stone's throw from the Port-A-John.

*DFS: Drool, Fart, Snore.

Technorati Tags: Contruction

Posted by delmer at 7:50 AM | Comments (10)

June 8, 2008

How Addicted

I just popped over to Michael Gorey's site and found he'd borrowed the Flickr Photo Meme from me (I, naturally, had borrowed it from someone else).

I'm repaying the favor by borrowing the How Addicted to Blogging Are You test;

78%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Created by OnePlusYou 

And now I'm out to play in the sunshine. 

Technorati Tags: Blogging, Meme, Blogs

Posted by delmer at 11:04 AM | Comments (3)

June 7, 2008

Flickr Photo Meme

I'm a bit ill still and somewhat tired. The boys and I have had a big day which featured me spending a lot of money… and right now I wish I were sleeping. So I've decided to steal the meme that everybody else is stealing from each other. In all fairness, it was more work than I thought it would be.

The concept:

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food? right now?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is one word that describes you?
12. What is your flickr name?

1. IL-Johnston City-Delmer's neon, 2. simple salad : home, 3. Franklin Park Conservatory, 4. When I'm sleeping, I slow down my breathing...Living in dreams, dreams that come true...thinking of the color blue... ZZZzzzzzz..., 5. Courtney Thorne-Smith, 6. Darth Vader and a Storm Trooper Cooling off in a Glass of Diet Pepsi, 7. Belgium Bicycle, 8. chocolate chip cookie dough, 9. one with the sea, 10. Boys at Mel's, 11. Bigger than the Beatles, 12. My Father's Truck 

My explanations for the above:

1. My name is Delmer

2. I'm eating a lot of salads; I like them. I typically have grilled chicken in them

3. I went to Franklin High School. Coincidentally, Franklin Park Conservatory isn't too far from where I live.

4. I like the color blue.

5. Courtney Thorne-Smith.

6. I had a picture here of an old Pepsi and Coke machine sitting side-by-side. They didn't come out in the mosaic so I chose another picture.

7. Bicycling across Europe would be fun. Or Australia. Canada. Just about any place Americans aren't currently actively hated.

8. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Vanilla is very good too.

9. I typed in "happy." A cute brunette with wet and salty feet isn't necessarily the first thing that comes to mind when I think "happiness," but I'm willing to give it a shot.

10. I typed in "Haydn Jack Sam." Can you believe it?! One of my own photos came up!

11. I typed in "tall."

12. My Flickr name turned up zero hits. I split it into two words and like this photo.

Technorati Tags: Blogs, Flickr, Meme

Posted by delmer at 8:49 PM | Comments (5)

June 6, 2008

A Health Update and Obliques Question

I get blood drawn on Thursday to have my hormones checked. I expect that my prolactin will have gone up just a bit as I couldn't be taking a smaller amount of Cabergoline. We'll see what happens.

On the cycling front I have have a question for any other cyclers (or just people with opinions). And maybe I should explain what happens. On The Mighty Schwinn I'd get various aches and pains after pedaling around for a while; I recall thinking that I could do 45 miles each and every day without any leg burning as that's when they seem to go to hell — and then, of course, I had a day of 50 or 60 miles without any thigh discomfort which led me to write down everything I'd eaten that day as it may have been a nutrition issue. (The interesting thing about the thigh burning is that by the time you get it you're tired anyway and want to take a break but not pedaling hurts more than pedaling does.)

Anyway, the leg discomfort doesn't always come along.

What does always come along is a pain in my obliques and I remember the first time I got it. I thought something like, "What's up with my obliques?" and then slipped into, "What makes me think those are my obliques? How would I know that's what they are? Where have I heard that term? How come my high school physiology teacher isn't around when I need him to witness that I actually remembered something from his class? Is it too late to get that "B" changed to an "A"?

And then the muscles I thought were my obliques would pain me a bit and I'd sit up and stretch some. (I Googled for this when I got home, and the muscles are my obliques; they run on either side of your torso just under the love handles.)

Two years ago I read about exercises I could do to strengthen them (riding a bike makes then uncomfortable but does nothing to make them stronger). Unfortunately, one of the exercises was not reading so just reading about what to do was not enough to do any strengthening of the core. Oh, whenever you read about obliques it's often part of an article called something like, "Strengthen Your Core and Meet More Chicks." Okay, that's not true and it's my guess that obliques get overlooked as they have no chick-drawing ability. But "core" is always there.

The "core" muscles, and I'm not going to do any sort of fact checking, are the abs, back, obliques and maybe one or two other things. If your abs were Scotland and your back were England your obliques would be Wales; seemingly unimportant, off to one side, and rarely thought too much about (but lovely in the spring). [Forgive me as I type "Wales" and "Wales" two more times; I needed them for the links.]

And this is part of my problem. I do squats several times a week and had been sort of hoping they might be catching the obliques some. Yes, yes, yes! I know how muscle groupings work and am aware that squatting doesn't catch everything and is unlikely, for example, to provide bulging biceps. However, squatting does hurt just a little bit sometimes (in a good way) and requires good posture so as to not get hurt. As you may recall from elementary school good posture was the key to happiness, fame and fortune and when you combine the good posture with the knowledge that squats work the glutes (ass) lower back and is often mentioned in sentences that contain, "to improve your core strength," I hoped they might be catching the obliques in peripheral sort of way.

 (Even though a part of me knew that was unlikely.)

And that's how we got where we are today.

On The Mighty Schwinn the obliques eventually get to aching but it likely comes at 90 minutes.

On The New Bike I'm getting uncomfortable fifty minutes.

I'm stretched out more on TNB due to the bike's geometry (and who said you'd never need geometry after you left school?), and this is probably good as I'd get to feeling cramped on The Mighty Schwinn toward the end of a ride (I've taken steps to stretch the Schwinn out a bit). I've had TNB adjusted a couple of times to decrease the amount of stretch and weight on my hands (that is, I'm not in a very aggressive riding position; my handlebars are about an inch higher than my seat). The point is, TNB seems to be set up right, or at least more right. 

What I need to know is: Has anybody had any success getting the obliques to quit aching while riding? Do the exercises help? Will there always be some discomfort? Do I just need to butch up a bit?

I've been doing an exercise that mimics chopping wood as if you were chopping from left to right and then right to left (using 9 pounds). Also some crunches that focus more on the obliques.

Are there any other tricks?

Technorati Tags: Cycling, Prolactin, Pituitary

Posted by delmer at 7:22 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

June 5, 2008

Bleh bleh bleh

This year has a decidedly un-summer-like feel to it. I know it isn't technically summer yet, but something is still missing.

I was thinking about it this past weekend (I made some more video clips that I'll link together) while I was having breakfast at Chef's. The only thing I can come up with is that the weather is such that it's been hard to ride often enough and enjoy the riding I do like I did last year.

Last spring I rode the bike to at least one track meet. Track has been over for about a month and there's no way I could have pulled off a ride to one this year; the weather was unfavorable.

I've also not gotten any long rides in; I think 32 miles are about as far as I've gone.

This whole feeling of something's not right is normally driven home around 9:15 at night. I'll notice it's still daylight out and have a shit, it can't be that late in the year feeling.

Unfortunately, I can't blame the suckiness of this post on the weather. I'm the smallest bit sick.

This is how I looked when I typed this:

 

Technorati Tags: Cycling, Sick

Posted by delmer at 5:49 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack

June 4, 2008

Loss

The last two times I've gone cycling, if you don't count tonight or Monday, I've lost bits and pieces of my bicycle or gear.

Last Saturday I had The Mighty Schwinn out for a spin on the bi-directional wind tunnel that also serves as our bike path. I'd just crossed one of the streets that breaks up the path when a couple of things happened all at the same time: I felt something slip at my left hand and I heard a harmonic-like tiiiing. 

The great thing about the human mind is that while it may lose track of your car keys on a daily basis it is able to take simultaneous yet seemingly disconnected events and throw some commonality at them so you are able to recognize a bad situation and take steps to make it from getting worse. And, while that is admittedly a little melodramatic, the combination of the two events I experienced, combined with my knowledge of my bike, told me I needed to stop before a bushing fell out of my left hand brake. And I stopped just in time to catch it in my right hand.

The ting was the most troubling part of the whole thing as it was a signal that the screw I'd lost had likely hit a spoke on its trip toward the ground and had just as likely been launched off in a direction I might not expect. At least that was my theory. And it was a theory I'd eventually prove. (I know that having a theory first and then finding the facts to support it is bad science, it's just the way this thing worked out.)

This past Sunday I had The New Bike out and came to a point in the trip during which I felt the need to pull a tool out and do some piddling; I decided to adjust the tire pump mount with a set of Allen wrenches I had with me.

This particular set of Allen wrenches is a self-contained unit of eight wrenches packaged like a Swiss Army knife with four blades that extend from either end. As I extended one of the wrenches the bolt that secured one end of the knife-like package slipped out and into the grass. To my credit I caught the nut.

I spent 15 minutes on my hands and knees poking around in the grass for the only thing in the grass that should not have felt like grass or dirt. Even though I had seen right where the bolt fell I am not sure I was ever even close to it. Part of the reason I had trouble is that I didn't have my glasses on and it's my near vision that is weak; I'm pretty sure that had I been on the moon I would have spotted the bolt right away.

Of course, then my reach would have fallen a little short.

Technorati Tags: Cycling

Posted by delmer at 9:56 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 3, 2008

Health Care

I think you should all read today's entry at Clusterfook. 

Posted by delmer at 3:10 PM | Comments (0)

June 2, 2008

My Sunday: Part II

[Technical difficulties have made this even later than I'd thought it might be.]

In yesterday's post I told you all about the exiting gardening life I led on Sunday. Due to the extreme amount of sunshine that Sunday brought with it I decided to knock off early to take the new bike (TNB) on its First Big Ride. 

I say First Big Ride, not because it was going to be the longest for TNB (though it turned out that way) but because the route would take me the farthest I'd been from home on TNB — a bike that sorely lacked any of the survival tools the Mighty Schwinn had attached to it.

So I thought I'd better get some.

Having had a good bicycle-buying experience at Bike Source I decided to let them fulfill my wedge bag and tire-pump needs. I was on their doorstep at 4:15 and by 4:15:10 had verified, without a doubt, that their Sunday hours ended at 4 p.m. Ah well, Performance was just down the road.

I'd tried to buy a wedge bag a few days before but had gotten lost in all the choices and gone home empty handed. Sunday, however, my favorite blonde salesgal made the mistake of asking if she could help me and in short order I'd picked up a wedge bag, frame-mount pump, bottle carrier, inner tube, and a so-cars-can-see-me headlight.

I got a carbon fiber bottle carrier as I don't want to start putting heavy bits and pieces on TNB. Well, that's not really the case; as I've mentioned before I come in at 242 and I find it hard to believe that, unless I start using lighter-than-air add-ons or components made by Briggs & Stratton, anything I mount to the bike is going to affect performance that much. I got the carbon fiber bottle carrier because it was sleek looking and the same color (sort of) as TNB.

Blah blah blah… I had everything mounted and was on the road by 6 p.m.

About five miles into the ride I noticed I'd left my water bottle, full of ice water, at home. Right next to, I'm guessing, my tire levers. Oh well, the best laid plans.

My original intent was to put in 20 miles doing ten out and then ten back. Since the wind was beating me up on the way out I figured it would be pushing me on the way home, making those miles free sort of. So I called an audible and went for 15 out that eventually became a smidge over 16.

TNB rides very well; I can't believe how smooth it is. And whil