« Dreaming of Bloggers | Main | Big Loads »
May 24, 2008
Walk Like a Man Meme
I've been tagged by Emma at Eriepressible.
The Rules: You highlight the things you can do and you leave in normal type the things you can’t. And it’s a freakin’ free-for-all on snarky comments. Assign 2 other poor bastards to the task and the electronic equivalent of chain letters is complete. The only thing to do is to sit back and wait for my millions to be mailed to me.
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (Does 'butch up' count?)
2. Tell if someone is lying. (Never. I believe everything I'm told.)
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. (I can boil and bake chicken)
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (I used to make some kick-ass egg nog)
18. Speak a foreign language. (French well enough to order meals containing eggs and cheese. Je voudrais deux oeufs avec fromage)
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. (WTF does this mean?)
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. ("I'm looking for the one with the naked girl on the bicycle on the label.")
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound. (my own…I’m a klutz)
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil. (Hell, I broke the steering lock once and hotwired a car. This other stuff is nothing.)
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman’s dress size. (They're all size threes.)
47. Recite one poem from memory. (There once was a man from Aras…)
48. Remove a stain.
49. Say no. (I'm just learning this one.)
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight. (I have three boys. What do you think?)
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (Diet Pepsi.)
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve.
65. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap.
66. Throw a football with a tight spiral.
67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. (I used to be able to crash the boards effectively if not prettily)
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman’s neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price. (I can determine what a negotiator should be able to get a price down to, but I don't negotiate well. The ex was very good at this wearing salespeople down.)
Regular readers will recall I can't tag people, so I'll leave it to you to tag yourself.
Technorati Tags: Bloggers, Memes
Posted by delmer at May 24, 2008 4:40 PM
Comments
#24 - http://www.guinness.com/us_en/
(Check out the video Ad, very unique.)
#32 - http://www.cyclesgladiator.com/cycles/index.jsp
(Don't ask)
;)
~ZZ
Posted by: Greeneyezz at May 24, 2008 6:22 PM
Oh this looks like fun. I might steal this one. :-)
Posted by: Miss Britt at May 24, 2008 6:45 PM
Need to go back and highlight #22 . If you ask, you're gonna hear "Couldn't you tell?"
Posted by: Bill at May 25, 2008 5:08 AM
$9 billion trillion.
Your turn.
Posted by: Cheryl at May 25, 2008 2:42 PM
Is it me or is the pronoun missing a consonant in #22? OK. Re-read it. It's a whacked sentence. Or maybe I can't read it because I'm a woman and it's constructed in ManSpeak.
"Ask after it??"
I dunno. You've always sounded like a man to me.
Posted by: Ms. Q at May 25, 2008 2:57 PM
Is it me or is the pronoun missing a consonant in #22? OK. Re-read it. It's a whacked sentence. Or maybe I can't read it because I'm a woman and it's constructed in ManSpeak.
"Ask after it??"
I dunno. You've always sounded like a man to me.
Maybe one item should be "Doesn't do memes"
Posted by: Ms. Q at May 25, 2008 2:57 PM
22 is the one causing me the most difficulty in understanding. If it means what I think it means though it should be interesting to see people's answers.
Posted by: Bec at May 25, 2008 8:58 PM
Miss Britt: I stole a magnet ... it's only fair you get something from me. (Even if I took it from someone else ... it's the American way.)
Bill: You make a good point. I hadn't thought that through.
Cheryl: 10 quid 50 pence 2 sparrows.
MsQ and Bec: Number 22 is worded poorly.
Posted by: delmer at May 26, 2008 11:26 AM
Delmer?
My comment.
In the spam folder?
Posted by: Greeneyezz at May 26, 2008 12:18 PM
Jeeeez
22 is worded correctly, if the woman has had an orgasm he should be able to tell by not asking if she did or not, and not by the amount of screaming she does because real life is not a porno.
Posted by: Mike O'Sullivan at May 27, 2008 12:47 PM