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May 26, 2008
Big Loads
I took the new bike out before breakfast this morning. I've read that you burn more fat exercising on an empty belly and figured what the hell. I've no idea if that's true as I read a lot of things and a lot of it contradicts something else I've read.
I don't often bicycle when I have the boys as I'm afraid someone will smash into me and one of my children will answer a knock at the door to find a police officer there and me, in the background, strapped across the hood of his car. But, it was Sunday morning and I figured if I got on the road early enough I could beat the churches letting out. (Christians will smash into you just as fast as the heathen hordes. Catholics are especially likely to hit you as they often have trouble seeing a bicycle past the St. Christopher statue they have mounted to their dash.)
As I pedaled along — and it was a beautiful morning with a lot of bicycles and joggers out — I happened across something that I thought had good blogging potential. As I approached a narrow cross street there was a woman jogger. She'd entered the road a bit and was jogging in place as she waited for traffic to pass and I couldn't help but think, "take a break, lady."
I am fully aware of how I look when I cycle. As a matter of fact the new shorts, with the better padding, make it look like I'm carrying a big, lumpy, load in my drawers if you catch me from the back (this photo has some underwear lines, too — a bonus for all the WADLL readers):
I accept this as the same shorts, from the front, give the impression I'm carrying if not a big, at least a pointy, load. The kind of load that I like to suppose would lead a woman to say to herself, "I wonder what that might feel like?":
Anyway. Cyclists are a colorful and well-padded lot and those of us who don't take ourselves too seriously realize we look just a bit goofy. And we do. (Except for the women who are all incredibly hot, and not in a human-furnace kind of way, in Lycra.)
So, there was the gal jogging in place in the road which led me to the "take a break" thought. And the reason I had that thought is that it looks odd. I know it's supposed to keep the muscles warm but, really, we're talking about jogging in place for ten seconds or so. How cold are the muscles likely to get? I don't pedal backwards at stoplights (I use this time to gasp for air).
As I pedaled along it occurred to me my real "issue" with this is that I knew a guy who was a royal asshole, know-it-all, egomaniac who, I was sure, jogged in place not so much to keep his muscles warm but to say to the world, "Look at me. I'm jogging in place." (You had to know the guy. He's the kind who'd wear cycling shorts to tell the world, "Look at me. I've got a pointy man-tool.")
And I decided to get over it. I mean, what's the harm in having women who are in pretty good shape jogging slow-motion like (in all their jiggly goodness) here and there. Hum some bad jazz or the theme to Baywatch and it wouldn't be hard to fill your drive to work with periodic snippets of soft-core porn.
As I said earlier in this post I hit the road early to try to beat the post-church exodus. And I almost made it. As I was pedaling down Dublin Road (and composing this post in my mind — it's a lot funnier with a bit of oxygen deprivation working for you. Try holding your breath and rereading it and you'll see what I mean) I approached one of the Methodist Churches. There was a red SUV getting ready to pull out and, like I always do, I made eye contact with the driver. He looked at me, looked left, then right, and surely noticed there was no other traffic for as far as the eye could see. He then said, "Goddammit! I gotta get to the buffet! Fuck this guy."
At least that's what I think he said. It was the body language he sent when he pulled out short in front of me.
[Despite anything I've said here, I think Hilliard/Columbus is rather bicycle friendly. I rarely feel like I'm going to get hit and choose not to ride when I have the kids just in case. We have nice, wide streets, and I think people pull out in front of bicycles, as in the above case, because they can't understand how fast we might be going. You just need to be careful, like with anything else.]
Technorati Tags: Cycling, Drivers, Women
Posted by delmer at May 26, 2008 12:59 PM
Comments
"Look at me. I've got a pointy man tool."
POINTY MAN TOOL!!
You do realize I could say sooo much here right now, don't you???
I'm afraid if I do though, I'll be banned forever from this blog!
Have I ever told you my perspective on pointy Man Tools VS World Peace, and which one would actually win out???
I really liked the commentary on #49 of Karl's Man's meme, you'll have to check it out.
secondhandkarl.com/2008/05/roll-roll-roll-your-browser/#more-916
~ZZ
Posted by: Greeneyezz at May 26, 2008 1:09 PM
LOL. I hate cyclists on the road, but always try to remember that underneath the lumpy, pointy, lycra spandex duds, there's probably a Delmer - a guy I'd like.
Pedal on dude.
Posted by: John at May 26, 2008 3:37 PM
You are cracking me up with your story!
Whenever I do a tri, I feel like I look totally out of shape because of the padding on the bike shorts and the fact that I wear them through the entire race. Someone took a picture of me and it included lots of other people in the background, and I just laughed because where else in the world will you find so many in shape people wearing such ridiculous attire that makes everyone look not so great?
I love that you don't usually bike when you have the kids just in case. I do the same sort of things...except my kids are always here, so I sound crazy sometimes (always?) with the precautions I take "just in case".
Posted by: radioactive tori at May 26, 2008 3:51 PM
Nice package.
(tee-hee)
Posted by: Ginger at May 26, 2008 4:50 PM
"Pointy Man Tool"!! Love it! (The phrase, the phrase!) Thanks for including the fore and aft shots as well. Hehehe.
I have also jogged in place at stoplights but now interestingly, I haven't done so in a while! I think it just depends - if it's freakin' cold, I'll probably jog in place a bit.
You mention jiggly and enjoying the sight of jiggling hot-but-not-like-a-furnace women but I can't see how comfortable jogging and jiggling is. I run around this lake and since I like running uphill, I tend to run against the usual flow of "traffic" so sometimes see some serious bouncing approaching me. Looks painful.
There are also bicyclists that either whip around on the road or on the actual trail depending on how comfortable they feel about being in traffic. Most of the bicyclist look like lycra-clad whippets.
Posted by: Ms. Q at May 26, 2008 5:14 PM
ZZ: Karl, despite the fact he'd be a poor cult leader, has a bit of the poet running in his veins. (I took a look at #49)
John: Be careful ... acceptance of the lifestyle is the first step toward Lycra ownership. :)
Tori: I was shorts shopping tonight and found myself wondering just how much water the shorts padding would hold ... just in case I was ever brave enough to try a Tri (and I'm not ... I don't swim well and I'm past my running prime).
Ginger: I wish I could take more of the credit for it ... pointiness and all.
Ms. Q: I've always thought the breast bouncing looked like it might be rough on a woman. My ex said the key to jogging was getting the right sports bra. I've cycled with a couple of the whippet-like guys and wonder how it is they have enough energy to pedal around as it appears their calorie intake/expenditure is terribly lopsided. They must be doing something right.
Posted by: delmer at May 27, 2008 12:06 AM
"this photo has some underwear lines, too"
One day, just as an experiment, try riding with padded shorts minus the underwear. Much more comfortable- think "chafing".
Posted by: Bill at May 27, 2008 12:09 AM
My mom told me once that at some era it was the fashion for women to have pointy breasts, in the almost Madonna conical style. She said that my aunt ironed her bras to get a more perfect peak.
Maybe that will be the new mode for the spandex clad. Can you iron spandex?
Posted by: PocketCT at May 27, 2008 1:33 PM
Bill: I was surprised to see the underwear marks in this photo as I normally ride underwearless (unless it's cold). I must have visited the little boys room before this ride and I'm a little funny about wearing new cycling shorts without underwear so close to a particular time of bodily evacuation.
PocketCT: Spandex might melt. I'm not sure. My ex went to college with a woman who used K-cup bras. Her mother once sent a bra to school of the conical-cup style ... the ex said it looked like her friend had giant missiles protruding from her chest. (The bra did not see any walking-around action ... just modeling for fun for dormmates.)
Posted by: delmer at May 27, 2008 1:41 PM
Completely off-topic here, but do you have more female or male commenters?
Posted by: ses5909 at May 28, 2008 12:28 PM
Of the last 140 comments (which takes us all the way back to *almost* the beginning of May). And this is just eyeballing it --
64 were left by women.
39 were left by men.
37 were left by me (technically, also a man).
It looks like there were 25 different women commenters (my mom is without Internet currently or there would have been 26) and 14 different men commenters (not counting me).
Posted by: delmer at May 28, 2008 2:03 PM
Regarding underwear and evacuation and new shorts - it IS all in the timing. Most people (or people who will actually talk about such things) try to work it out so that they leave home squeaky clean.
Posted by: Ms. Q at May 31, 2008 12:47 PM