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April 25, 2008
blah blah blah
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. In order to help the Rape and Incest National Network (RAINN) raise funds so they may offer online counseling to victims of sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape, members of the blogging community have banded together to lend a hand by writing posts of a specific topic. You can read all the details at Kevin Apgar's site.
If you would like to make a donation to RAINN please be sure to put GBBMC2008 and Delmer Wells in the "Include a note to RAINN" box as there is a chance I could win something. (I am less concerned about winning something than I am about helping the organizers be able to track GBBMC2008 donations. So, at least put the GBBMC2008 bit in.)
This will not be the hardest thing I've ever typed. That would be "Kalgoolrie" which is so hard to type that even as I express the typing challenge it provides I screw it up; a Google search suggests it's "Kalgoorlie." And I felt compelled to type it the other day in a comment at Michael Gorey's site. (It comes up in Bill Bryson's "In a Sunburned Country," Michael lives there, and it's one of those words that makes you wonder what the people were trying to spell before they said, "screw it… that's good enough." I'm not picking, I love things like this… Maidenhead in the UK… Big Bone Lick, Kentucky… Intercourse, Pennsylvania, etc. I believe Kalgoorlie might be derived from an Aboriginal word or phrase which gives it some character while Big Bone Lick is so named as it is the porn capital of the south.(Kalgoorlie is derived from a Wangai word and has about 2000 more people living in it than the town I live in. Wangai has an interesting look all its own if you think like a 14-year old boy.) )
This will likely be uncomfortable for me. So much that I've typed up a whole paragraph of something unrelated to sit above it. So much that I'll post something about my new clipless pedals right after this to give me a sense of distance. Yes, I know, I'm only fooling myself but it will make me feel better.
** I typed all of that yesterday and then went to bed.**
Today I, coincidentally, met with a psychologist to go over a battery of tests I took earlier in the week. Without getting into all the details I was curious to see if I had ADD. As it happens, I do not have ADD or any other cognitive dysfunction though I sometimes tend to "overincorporate." That is, I have trouble proceeding with a project as I always want a bit more information before continuing. This is something I've known about myself for a while and that I've been working on (I didn't know what to call it, however).
[When the doc told me this I thought it gave me the opportunity to ask if the thing that kept me out of a Bell Tower was not being sure I had the best rifle at hand as maybe there was part of me sure that a new and better scope was just around the corner. He seemed positive that there was more than indecision over equipment outfitting that kept me from getting all Bob Lee Swagger on the local community.]
I also found out that my self-esteem is pretty well in tact. I've sort of known this too. I mean, I think I'm a good person.
However.
I spend a lot of time wondering what is wrong with me as it applies to relationships with women. In the past I've thought I might be afraid of rejection but, really, I'm not. I am very good with "no" and freely accept the notion that everybody is not right for everybody else.
It seems, however, that anything other than "no" sort of screws with me.
A long time ago, back in college, I asked a woman out every week for a month. She was always busy, but never said she didn't want to go out. That is, until week four when she said, "Delmer, I just don't want to go out with you." When I asked why she hadn't said that the first week she told me she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I said, in a very friendly manner, "You wouldn't have hurt my feelings, you'd have just saved both of us some time."
Fast forward some years, post divorce. I had dinner with a woman and we sat and talked for four hours. She could have gotten up and left at any time during the four hours. When dinner was over I asked if she'd like to get together again she said something like, "That would be nice though I don't know how easy it will be to work around our childrens' schedules."
And this left me to sort out what she meant. "Yes" would have been fine. "No" would have been clear. The bit involving children tossed me. As I was reluctant to fall into the trap of being put off week after week by a woman who didn't know how to say "no" initially, I didn't call her again. Even after I found out she'd made inquiries about me I wasn't inclined to take that chance; I mean, who knows what she wanted?
About this same time in my life I had dinner with another woman (you know how it is when you're divorced … everybody knows somebody they want you to meet). She seemed nice enough and we talked about getting together again. I called a week later, give or take, to see if she wanted to get together the next Saturday. She had a prior commitment that involved some sort of Ohio State University sports thing — I'm sorry I can't be any clearer on this, but you know how I am with sports — and wasn't free then. She suggested I could call her later but I wasn't sure that hadn't been said out of reflex; it happens in sitcoms all the time. So, I didn't call back.
When you get right down to it, I guess I just I don't want to be a bother.
[I remember being in 10th grade English class and the teacher asking if guys would rather have a girl tell them something nice like, "I've got to wash my hair that night" or something simple like "no" when they didn't want to go out with a guy. Even then I fell into the "no" camp.]
I've had other thoughts involving my shyness around women. And it may be shyness, I haven't sorted it all out yet.
I used to think it was caused by this…
In first grade I sent a little girl a note that said, "I love you" and she ratted me out to the teacher. It was humiliating. It was also 41 years ago; don't you think I'd have gotten over it by now? Wait, I'd almost forgotten! I didn't tell anybody I loved them for a good long time after that. I remember my sister telling me she loved me and actually choking as I returned the sentiment. I was about 21 then. Maybe 23.
(For the record, I tell my boys I love them each and every day.)
And, of course, getting divorced sucked royally too. (You know, if I were British I think I'd say, "sucked royalty" and eventually shorten it simply to "Camilla.")
And, of course, getting divorced Camilla'd.
Dammit! Where was I going? I had the tying it all together part right at the tips of my fingers. God, I hate it when this happens. It always means I have to read the whole thing again and try to sort out where I was going.
What have we got so far?
-
KalgoolrieLakooKalgoorleeBig Bone Lick - Battery of tests
- Women are confusing
- Little girls are evil
- Camilla gave Prince Charles a Lewinsky
- A bulleted list
Ah yes.
We had something I typed and then erased as I was uncomfortable with it.
Though, basically, I seem to be the sum of my past interactions with women.
But never a bother.
Posted by delmer at April 25, 2008 9:23 PM
Comments
Australia has an odd mix of place names derived from mostly defunct Aboriginal languages, the United Kingdom and the observations of early settlers.
I grew up in Traralgon, which a lot of people find harder to say than Kalgoorlie.
Posted by: Michael at April 26, 2008 1:20 AM
Traralgon is a rough one. Of course, I'm trying to pronounce it the way it looks, and maybe that's not the way it's said.
Sort of like how Worcester is pronounced "Woost-ah" by the locals in Massachusetts.
Posted by: delmer at April 26, 2008 1:29 AM
I was infatuated with a girl in grade school, we used to lay on carpet mats and stare at each other in kindergarten. Then first grade came around and she wouldn't give me the time of day but I couldn't help it. I was longing for her for years and then finally gave up but always kept her in mind. Didn't help we went to school together till we were Juniors in high school...The only saving grace was in college I saw this woman smoking and I thought look at that poor old woman here smokin and going to school, ends up it was her. I spoke to her for a moment and left thinking "whew she was doing me a favor all those years ago, thanks!"
Posted by: mikeo at April 26, 2008 10:14 AM
I was infatuated with a girl in grade school, we used to lay on carpet mats and stare at each other in kindergarten. Then first grade came around and she wouldn't give me the time of day but I couldn't help it. I was longing for her for years and then finally gave up but always kept her in mind. Didn't help we went to school together till we were Juniors in high school...The only saving grace was in college I saw this woman smoking and I thought look at that poor old woman here smokin and going to school, ends up it was her. I spoke to her for a moment and left thinking "whew she was doing me a favor all those years ago, thanks!"
Posted by: mikeo at April 26, 2008 10:17 AM
tee-hee...my entire extended family all live in Northern KY & Cincinnati...so every time I travel up I-75, my inner 12-year-old rears itself as I pass the "Big Bone Lick State Park" signs.
Now I'll think of you whenever I do.
Posted by: Ginger at April 26, 2008 11:24 AM
"...the "Big Bone Lick State Park" signs."
Ah...but my state has cities named Intercourse and Blue Ball. If you miss Intercourse, Blue Ball is only about 15 minutes away.
Posted by: Emma at April 26, 2008 3:09 PM
MikeO: Catholic school girls are well-known heart breakers.
Ginger: That's the same sign I used to pass on the way to see the folks. And I had to laugh every time.
Emma: Ohio has a Blue Ball. Not far from Red Lion. One of my favorite things about Blue Ball (and it's very small) is that one of the houses there had a blue orb of some sort on a pedestal in the front yard.
Posted by: delmer at April 26, 2008 10:31 PM