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December 31, 2007
I just want my Whopper
Burger King has got a new commercial in which they tape customer's responses when they're told Burger King has quit selling Whoppers. It appears the big creepy King guy wasn't bad-idea enough.
The announcer claims people freaked out when they learned Whoppers would no longer be sold.
At the end of one of the commercials they show a woman leaning across the counter saying, "I just want my Whopper."
Don't you imagine the rest of this woman's life is going to be filled with guys saying to her, "I've got your Whopper, honey."
[Because, you know, a "Whopper" might refer to a penis. I thought I should explain this for WADLL's international readers as I just found out the British do not use the word "Peter" as a reference for "penis" which, I thought, went a long way toward explaining how they could name a kid's show Blue Peter (and give it a link titled I Love Blue Peter). So, who knows what else they may not use to describe a penis? Maybe "Whopper" isn't on Her Majesty's List of Penis Euphemisms anymore; POTUS must have knocked something off. By the way, a Peter in the UK is a flag so it's sort of surprising it isn't also a penis reference given the Royal's historical predilection for waving both around and planting them in foreign soil]
Posted by delmer at 9:45 AM | Comments (7)
December 30, 2007
Dear Lady Shopper at the Kroger
If I have to move your groceries back on the belt more than once so I can continue to place my groceries on it, perhaps you've started putting your groceries on the belt too soon.
That little grocery-divider stick, whatever it's called, did not magically hover above the belt and maintain its position and keep your groceries from intermingling with mine. That was me, pushing the stick, and your groceries, back toward you even as you continued to empty your cart.
Regardless of when you put your groceries on the belt, you will not be able to pay for them, leave the store, load up your car and enter the flow of traffic, where it is likely you will sit through multiple green lights, until I pay for my groceries. Your eagerness actually slowed things down as I had to move your stuff back past the plane that was defined by the hand I was using to slap my stuff up on the belt.
Why didn't I say something to you? Because I thought you'd notice that I'd moved the stick and your stuff the first time and I didn't want to appear rude. There was also a little bit of me that couldn't believe a person could actually be as oblivious or stupid as you appeared to be. Certainly, I thought, you'd noticed the second time, when your stuff had passed me and I had to reach ahead of my position on the belt to pull the stick (and your stuff) back so I could continue to decart my groceries. By the third time it happened I was more curious about whether you'd be able to find your car than anything else.
By the way, I seem to have your Dentucreme.
Posted by delmer at 7:47 PM | Comments (5)
December 29, 2007
Garfield Goose
When I was younger, and we'll say in my mid-20's, sometimes a partial memory would pop into my head and it would drive me nuts as I tried to flesh it out. For example, a snippet of a song might keep playing over and over and I wouldn't be able to piece any more of it togehter, other than the snippet, regardless of how hard I tried. And the snippet would continue to make sporadic appearances — sometimes over the course of years.
And then I'd hear it on the radio at some point when I didn't expect it.
This happened often enough, though not always with a song, that I quit worrying about things that came to me in pieces. I just assumed I'd eventually re-encounter whatever it was I'd been wondering about.
My favorite example of this is the following (and I'd swear I'd posted about it before, but I can't find it). I had a memory of sitting around the dinner table with mom and dad and trying to explain a TV show I'd seen called The Slaw. In it there was a guy who was a detective of some sort, who lived in a big house, and he had a nice, big, car that I'd identify as a Silver Shadow when I got older.
Mom and dad had never heard of the show. Years would pass and I'd periodically wonder about The Slaw.
Several years ago (well, 1994) a remake of an old show came on and was being advertised on the television. As I heard myself say "Burke's Law," it hit me that this was the show I'd seen, originally, in the mid 1960's. Burke lived in a big house and had a Silver Shadow (well, a Rolls in any case ... I'm not really a car guy). He was a Chief of Detectives.
The memory had come full circle.
Another partial memory I have involves cartoons from when I was young. Back then you didn't have cartoons 24-hours a day. They were on Saturday mornings from something like 8 a.m. to noon. Sunday morning there would be a couple of cartoons and they may have been part of some sort of larger kids show. One of the cartoons was Cecil the Sea Serpent and Beany Boy, and the other was The Funny Company.
While I remember seeing far more of The Funny Company than I do Cecil it would never fail that when I mentioned both to someone, the person would always remember Cecil but would have never heard of The Funny Company. (I had one such conversation just two weeks ago.) Even after I'd sing "Eggbert the Sneezing Rabbit" they'd come up blank.
The other night I was watching something on WGN (Chicago). It was a memories show of some sort and they were talking about a kids show called Garfield Goose. During that show they'd play The Funny Company. I was so tickled to see it.
[You'll notice a link to The Funny Company above. It's also on YouTube. As a matter of fact The Funny Company is all over the place now. I've certainly Googled it in the past; I either came up empty then, or I'd forgotten I'd found it. In any case, this doesn't diminish the tickledness I felt the other night when watching the show on WGN. Oh, and the other show may have been Beany and Cecil.]
Posted by delmer at 12:14 PM | Comments (2)
December 28, 2007
Dart at the start then the alphabet
I would like to thank all the women who e-mailed me, following yesterday's post, to ask what they need to do to nominate me for the Nobel Peace Prize.
I am flattered beyond words.
(Who knew that many ex-girlfriends read the blog?)
Posted by delmer at 12:02 AM | Comments (3)
December 27, 2007
One for the Ladies
Okay gals.
A while back I posted something I suggested you not read. Here is something I think you'll enjoy, courtesy of Greeneyezz.
Well, I think you'd enjoy it more if it were courtesy of George Clooney, but it's on Greeneyezz's blog.
Anyway, inasmuch as I'm certain I scared off all the Pentecostals and Southern Baptists a long time ago, it should be a safe link for most WADLL readers to follow.
Posted by delmer at 12:27 AM | Comments (3)
December 26, 2007
The Final Christmas Video
This will be the final Christmas video and it's only a short piece of a larger item. When I started posting the videos I said something like you'll be able to see the kids grow and me shrink.
So, this is the one with me shrunk in it. Please excuse the verbal grammar error.
Posted by delmer at 9:12 PM | Comments (5)
December 25, 2007
An Early Christmas Gift
A female friend of mine gave me an early Christmas gift the other night. It was a gift that lasted just over four hours, involved low lights, music, a bit of screaming, more than one suggestion of oral sex, hot fudge and whipped cream.
And if all of that isn't hard enough to wrap, we both lost our virginity.
My friend, The Dark-Haired Girl, took me to see Holiday Hoopla at The Shadowbox Cabaret at Easton.
One of the great things about the Shadowbox Cabaret being at Easton is that I've been lost twice in the last two months and both times realized I was lost only after I arrived at the Easton Mall area. You might be thinking, big deal, people get lost all the time; maybe it would mean more to you if you knew that Easton Mall is about 22 miles from where I live. Given this history you'd think I'd be able to get in a car, start driving blindly around, and end up at Easton — especially if you consider that I'd have TDHG with me and she ends up at Easton whenever she tries to go to Polaris Mall (which is 10 miles from Easton).
I won't get into all of the details of the trip other than to say I printed off a Google Map to make sure we didn't run into any direction-related problems and we still had a moment or two of concern. (I'd printed the map with directions from my house, not TDHG's.) In the end… rats, I've lost my train of thought… that happens a lot when I start something with in the end… rats, I've lost my train of thought…
Anyway, we made it to Easton early enough to return something to Nordstrom.
The first thing that struck me about Shadowbox was the greeting we received at the door. The door guy, who also happened to be one of the guitarists, seemed very happy to see us.
This might be a good time to mention that at Shadowbox everybody has multiple jobs. All of the actors and musicians (and there may be an exception or two, the lead guitarist appeared to have just the job of lead guitarist for the band… he also had the appearance of David Spade, but with better hair) were not only actors and musicians but also kitchen and wait staff. Our waiter, Andy, also played a mean bass.
TDHG and I joined Jody and Steve at table "U" (for Underwear, as the hostess said). When we were seated we were asked if we'd ever been at Shadowbox and when we said we hadn't we were dubbed, a la Rocky Horror Picture Show, virgins. Once in a while a waitperson would scream, "Guess what," and we'd all scream back, "What?" They'd follow up with "I've got five [or whatever] virgins sitting at this table." (I'm certain TDHG is really not a virgin as I've met her children and, despite the season, immaculate conceptions are rare these days.)
Jody and Steve seemed like nice people with good senses of humor so when the raffle ticket sales guy came by and Jody asked him to turn around so she could read the back of this shirt, the front of which said "I lost my virginity," I told the guy that she'd never even looked at the back of the his shirt as she was too busy checking out his ass. (Believe me, it fit the mood of the experience.) Ah, the back of the shirt said, "At the Shadowbox Cabaret." And the guy said that checking his ass out was fine.
We ordered chips and salsa, and then pizza. Andy had told us to stock up on things as when the show started he would disappear until intermission; I ordered two Diet Cokes right off the bat. Shortly after this table conversation turned toward our ages and how caffeine affects us now. TDHG told Jody and Steve that it was hard on her but that I was able to drink pop right up to bedtime without any ill effect. While this is true I thought it might suggest to Jody and Steve a level of familiarity the TDHG might have wanted to rethink had she been, you know, thinking. As for me, I was cool with Jody and Steve thinking we might later be tearing a mattress to pieces.
Hanging from the ceilings and the back wall were several screens that, during the show, would have an occasional video effect or clip play on them. Prior to the show they ran humorous shorts and advertising from local businesses. I was very happy to see that my divorce attorney was a supporter of Shadowbox (divorce reminders during holiday celebrations are one of the things that makes Christmas get better and better).
When the show started one of the first things I noticed was that the bass player had the same haircut as our waiter. I didn't realize, until intermission and only after Steve said something, that the bass player was our waiter.
During intermission the dessert we ordered appeared. It was some sort of brownie thing with three scoops of ice cream, whipped cream and a cherry. And it was huge. TDHG has a bit of trouble with dairy products and as I wasn't in the mood to put up with a lot of farting as I'm not a big fan of chocolate we'd worked out, in advance, that I'd do most of the work on the whipped and ice creams while she'd have most of the brownie parts. I know what you're thinking, just like Jack Spratt and his wife; the two of you make a good pair. Stop right there. I tried to make that argument a long time ago to no avail. But, you're so funny and all women really want is someone to make them laugh. Again, I know. And you can get things off the high shelves. Let's move on.
The show was incredible.
It was a mixture of sketch comedy and holiday music.
My reviews suck, and I know it, but I'd go see this again in an instant. The sketches were funny when they were supposed to be and the music and singing were simply great. There was a little bit of Star Trek (Spock would go right from the bridge to being a pointy-eared percussionist), some redneck parents, a school talent show (that would see the first, I think, reference to oral sex), some lounge singers (another reference to OS), and a lot more.
There were two dance numbers that stand out in my mind. The first featured a lot of the female staff coming out in tights so tight it made the stuff I cycle in look baggy (two had landing strips, one a Brazilian Bikini Wax, and the remainder were hard to determine due to the lighting). The other showcased three gals dressed in flowing white outfits who performed during Children Go Where I Send Thee (which was spectacular).
There was certainly some more dancing as I remember a bunch of scantily clad guys being on stage and having the thought, hey, something for the ladies. I can't recall much more about what they were dancing to though I do recall they were all very fit looking.
Let's see, have I covered it all? It was a gift that lasted just over four hours, involved low lights, music, a bit of screaming, more than one reference to oral sex, hot fudge and whipped cream.
Oh yea, the dessert also had some hot fudge on it. And the four hours counted the drive there and back and the pre-show hanging out with Steve and Jody.
I almost forgot, Shadowbox Cabaret has some videos on YouTube. You can see out waiter on the bass in this one.
Posted by delmer at 12:08 AM | Comments (6)
December 24, 2007
Christmases in Kentucky and Beallsville
From 1997 and 1998
In Christmas in Kentucky, Jack gets a set of Soccer Boppers. One of the things I regret most in all the Christmas videos is not taping long enough to get Jack testing them out with Haydn. Jack had been going around tapping people with his Soccer Bopper ... tap tap tap. He told Haydn to put one on and Bop him back.
Haydn laid him out. Nobody got hurt and Haydn wasn't trying to hit Jack hard, it was just a size-difference thing.
This video ends abruptly; the version I've converted to DVD is full-length but I'm too lazy to dig it out and convert it here.
Christmas in Beallsville is one of my favorites and many of you have already seen it. If you haven't, yet, watch this one all the way through until Jack says, "Yeah-yuh." You won't be disappointed.
Sammo makes his first appearance in this video.
Posted by delmer at 2:26 PM | Comments (1)
December 23, 2007
He Bringed Me This
Christmas 1996 with Jack and Haydn. There's an odd auto-focus thing going on during part of it.
I did, eventually, sort out Joy to the World.
Posted by delmer at 3:38 PM | Comments (4)
More Driving and Riding
Just the other day I made comment about people having trouble with green lights. In two instances I'd noticed a guy and then a woman sitting through green lights to the point they inconvenienced other drivers. In a third instance a goofball (and I'll prove he was goofier than originally thought) was sitting several cars back from a light trying to trip the green arrow.
Let's discuss this third person first. The light in question is at Davidson and Avery. The green arrow would signal Davidson westbound traffic to take a left onto Avery. I was at that light twice yesterday — once on a bicycle (behind a car) and once in the minivan. In each instance I got a green arrow and in each instance I was pulled up to the light as traffic engineers would have planned. So, it would seem that approaching this light without trying any sort of driving trickery gets the arrow. (It may be worth noting that in each instance I'd been stopped for just a second before the light changed. Maybe I tripped the green (or the car in front of me had when I was on the bike) as I slowed for the light. If this is the case I'll place an edit here. Edit: I had, and apparently when I was on the bike the car ahead of me had, tripped the light as we slowed just a second before it would turn. Today I sat at the light and did not get an arrow; I'd sat ten or twenty seconds at the red.)
Do you recall the guy that sat through the green light and took it on the yellow which held up the van (then me, on the bike). And I'd complained that the lady in the van had not honked? At that same intersection, yesterday afternoon, traffic in the left-turn lane got a left-turn arrow that the driver in the first car missed as he was setting up his cheese fondue set. The car behind him, perhaps not a fan of finger foods, gave him a long, very pleasing, blast on his horn. Bravo.
At the Britton Parkway/Davidson Road light I was stopped on the bike as I headed east. Traffic coming from my left has to turn either left or right and there were a couple of cars in the left-turn lane. I've already said I was stopped. Their light turned green and the first car made a left turn so he'd be in front of me when I got my light. The second car, driven by a woman, pulled up to the light and sat there like it was a sign. She eventually went.
Later, something happened that hasn't happened in a while. As I pedaled down Dublin Road a carload of girls drove by me and gave me a "Wooo-hooo!" They got hung up at the next light and I was behind them before it turned green. They sat through the green just a moment because, I think, they were trying to get a look at me; they'd turned around and I made eye contact with the driver through my sunglasses. In all honesty, they could have been sitting through the green just because they were women.
I think I've been clear in that I don't really care to have people yell or honk at me when I'm on The Mighty Schwinn but that women woo-hooing me are the least offensive of these behaviors. I think I've also been clear when I've said that I don't think young women are honking at "me." They're honking at a guy on a bike. I had enough gear on that I could have been Michael Meyers on my way to my next Halloween Party and they'd have never been able to tell. I was also old enough to be their father.
Posted by delmer at 11:02 AM | Comments (4)
December 22, 2007
Christmas 1995
Haydn and Jack
Posted by delmer at 8:56 AM | Comments (4)
December 21, 2007
I Strolled Hard Out of the Theater
I took the day off for so I could have some "me time." While that rarely takes more than ten minutes, or until the hot water heater runs out and the shower turns cold, I like to have a bit of time set aside just in case.
Anyway, I went to the 11:30 a.m. showing of Walk Hard.
The first five to seven minutes were promising. After that I spent a lot of time waiting for something funny to happen.
I stayed through the bit that featured The Beatles and Dewey Cox visiting with the Yogi. The first couple of minutes of The Beatles encounter was somewhat amusing.
E-Online gives it 5 out of 5 stars and Entertainment Weekly 4 of 5.
Aside from the seven to nine minutes indicated in the paragraphs above I didn't see anything more funny that the first two sentences of this blog post; an they're pretty lame.
(I thought John C. Reilly and the rest of the cast did a fine job. It just wasn't funny.)
Posted by delmer at 1:23 PM | Comments (3)
Snow, eh
A friend of mine from Canada recently sent me photos of a snowfall they'd had. They got three feet of the stuff.
What many American's don't realize is that snowfalls of over two feet can be so intense that they actually suck the color right out of the air leaving only shades of gray and, sometimes, Sepia.
Right now the Cleveland readers are saying, "He's right. Sometimes we get so much snow the whole city looks black and white and totally lacking anything in the way of color. To those folks I say, "Nice try. That's just Cleveland."
As some of you may know my degree is in Mass Communications. What you may not know is that, per FCC Regulation, if anyplace in the United States is predicted to get three feet or more of snow in one falling, the weatherman is allowed to say something like, "Central Ohio is currently under a winter weather advisory and can expect three fucking feet of snow by drive time tomorrow evening," without any fear of receiving a fine.
Posted by delmer at 12:22 AM | Comments (9)
December 19, 2007
Pet Peeves
I'd like to start this post with an apology to all my cycling friends. Tonight, I'm afraid, I did something that didn't make us look good. The upside of this is that there were only two cars that saw what I did and one of those had a dumbass driving. I also think that the vehicle with the non-dumbass driver may have not minded what I did.
As I've said before, I try to be a model cyclist. I stop at all red lights and I don't typically run yellow ones (as when I'm in a car, it depends on my position on the road). Depending on the situation (that is, are there any cars around to see what I'm doing) I either stop for or slowly coast through stop signs.
When I'm at a light I keep my position in line; I don't pass the cars and make my way to the front. I figure people don't want to pass me twice.
There is a left turn I make on each ride that goes up a hill with the road narrowing. The turn is at a light and if there is traffic behind me at the light I swing wide into a dead space in the road and let traffic pass so I don't hold them up on the hill (there's plenty of room but people hesitate to pass).
There's another left that's harder to make on a bike than in a car due to the acceleration properties of each; if there's traffic behind me I'll let the cars go first.
The point is, I try to be a good cycling representative.
Tonight's ride went pretty well. It was about 30 F (-1 C) and windy when I started the ride which seemed sort of unfair as it was 37 F (3 C) and not so windy this morning and was supposed to get to almost 40 F (about 4 C) today. Oh, and I did just over 20 miles.
At one point I was sitting third in line at a light. This, by itself, doesn't sound all that interesting, I know. And while this next point isn't any more interesting I feel compelled to point out that the light was green as I sat there and when it was red I'd been fifth in line. When the light turned green the first two cars, inhabited by people who realized they'd be driving after they seated themselves behind the wheel of an automobile, pulled away leaving the rest of us trapped behind a guy who could have only been thinking what the hell am I supposed to do now? At some point he caught on and ended up running the light on a yellow he should have stopped for. I don't understand why the lady in front of me didn't honk. (If I'm right behind a green-light sitter I'll yell, "go!" I wasn't sure my voice would carry over the van ahead of me.)
Another time, at the left I mention above where I pull into the dead area, as I was facing north I watched as a woman who was facing west sat through the left-turn arrow up to the point that it turned yellow. Her mind filled with thoughts of, fuck the eastbound traffic I'm going now goddammit! she zipped through the signal just in time to let her dumbassery delay oncoming traffic for just a second or two.
As I've said before, if you're not in the mood to drive, stay out of your car.
And really, none of this has anything with the thing I did. They're just things I saw. I also saw a dime in the road.
So, what did I do?
As lovable as I am I do have a few pet peeves
One of them involves people who stop at a light several car lengths back in order to trip the arrow for a left turn. I can't even explain why it bothers me other than it's just rude. It probably has something to do with the person doing it thinking the rules of common courtesy don't apply to them.
Of course, there's also the chance they just don't want to be first in line and they're hoping someone will pull in front of them to lead the way. I've considered doing this in the minivan but have never really been in the mood to take a left turn I didn't need and it has never been practical, due to the size, to swing around a car to make a left I do need ahead of goofballs trying to trip arrows.
So, tonight, as I approached Cemetery Road on Davidson, there was a goofball parked several car lengths back trying to trip the left-turn arrow. There was also an SUV going straight in the right-hand lane. I swung around the car and took position in the left-turn lane ahead of them (you know, to lead the way). The light turned green… the arrow didn't trip; not that it mattered as there was no oncoming traffic for this ding-dong to beat by getting an arrow.
The whole thing reminded me of the guy who was ahead of me as we approached a red light. Rather than wait through the light to make his right turn he pulled into a school to cut around the light. Traffic was so heavy that he was not able to get out and he eventually pulled in behind me after I passed him sitting in the school's driveway.
Posted by delmer at 5:03 PM | Comments (10)
December 18, 2007
I Am Legend
And like any good legend I have my share of aches and pains.
Five days will mark a month since I played basketball with a person I thought was my friend. I know, now, that he's a sadistic SOB. My knees still ache and my hamstrings are still whatever the hell they'd be if squatting causes them to tighten up as that's what happens when I try to do squats. And just general, "I think I'll read a book while I'm here" squatting causes my knees to ache (to the point that I've restricted the amount of fiber I've been eating) and almost ruins the zen-like state I enter just after I close that stall door. Almost.
This afternoon I sneaked out of work early and rode The Mighty Schwinn for the first time (I think) since our first snow. There was no pain while on the bike but prior to the ride I dropped $144.00 on bicycle things (Christmas gifts to me from the boys) and it always pains me to spend money on myself.
After the bike ride I went to see I Am Legend, have a salad, a Diet Coke and a lot of the popcorn (not because my hands are all that big, I just move them pretty fast).
You know how I am, I don't really get into the details of why I like something, I either like it or I don't. I thought I Am Legend was worth seeing.
Ooh! I almost forgot. During the previews I saw two things that had me laughing out loud. One was a scene from Will Ferrell's new movie, Semi Pro. The other scene came from a movie by another SNL person… rats… what was it?
Oh! Adam Sandler has a new movie coming out in which he's a former Israeli counter-intelligence dude who decides to become a hair stylist.
Posted by delmer at 10:16 PM | Comments (6)
Mail Hell
So.
Yesterday I was working on a project that involved a problem with the integration between our phone system and e-mail server. Without getting into all the details let's just say there was a step that should have been almost instantaneous that was taking minutes each time I tried to do it. And, I was going to have to do it 39 times. And, later this week I was going to have to do it a bunch more times.
History has taught me that a lot of time can be spent trying to solve a problem that never really gets solved or by the time it does get solved the amount of time spent solving it is far greater than the amount of time that would have been spent trudging through the hell that is the current problem.
With that in mind I set about trying to solve the problem on another PC while my first PC was trudging along. I knew I wouldn't be able to make the big change that I was certain would set everything right until I'd gone through the 39 things I had to do first. Still, maybe something would work from the second PC.
The day ended without a fix but with a thought about what I'd do the next day (today).
And today I came in and booted up my PC. I started my mail client and noticed that the folder I was working from had a nicer look to it. One that suggested that something astounding and helpful had happened. Working from it I was able to complete steps almost instantaneously. It was a true Christmas miracle. And this was a freebie — I hadn't had to try any fixes!
I knocked out five steps in about two minutes before something unkind happened; I'd lost the ability to click my mail client. I piddled around and decided to reboot. As open windows closed one was finally revealed that asked, "Do you want to overwrite this file with a this file of the same name?" While those were not the exact filenames I think you can get a feel for what was going on. My mail application was asking if I wanted to copy a file over an existing file and the dialog box — which had the computer's focus — wasn't going to let me do anything else in my mail client until it had received an answer. Unfortunately that dialog box was hidden behind other windows and I hadn't seen it or thought to look for it. That window closed as the computer rebooted.
Following the fresh start my mail client had slipped back into troublesome mode.
I rebooted (more than once) again, hoping the Christmas Miracle would repeat itself.
It hasn't.
The upside is I was able to write this blog entry as my computer trudges through two (so far) steps.
Posted by delmer at 10:14 AM | Comments (5)
December 17, 2007
Women, read no further
Really, this isn't going to make you happy. I'll throw in some extra carriage returns to help keep your eyes up where they belong (you're so fond of that phrase, how does it feel to be on the receiving end?).
Guys… you're going to love this.
This weekend I ate so much chili that now, when I break wind, I smell tomato sauce.
(I know, I know, I know. I should have said 'fart' instead of 'break wind.' But, you just know, that one or two women read this and I didn't want to offend them.)
Posted by delmer at 1:26 PM | Comments (17)
December 16, 2007
Big D gets published
I'm assuming you recall the accident my mother was in. The one in which she foiled the escape of wanted felon Robert Wichern.
My dad called the Middletown Journal's Sound-Off Line and sounded off with the following (which was printed in today's paper).
On Saturday, Dec. 8, my wife's car was struck by the car of a wanted felon who was fleeing from the police at the time. Of course, the man had no insurance. My insurance will have to pay to fix our car and it's going to cost me $500 to pay the deductible. It doesn't seem fair, does it? But that's not the worst of it. The story of the incident referred to my wife as an "elderly woman." I hate to think of what the ensuing face-lift and hair coloring is going to cost me.
Posted by delmer at 7:52 PM | Comments (9)
December 15, 2007
Haydn's First and Second Christmases
Over the next several days you'll be able to see my children grow. (And I shrink toward the end.)
Haydn's first Christmas finds him in potato mode. That is, he isn't doing much of anything other than his potato impression.
During his second Christmas he'd gotten so many gifts that he got tired in the middle of unwrapping them and needed a nap.
Posted by delmer at 9:32 AM | Comments (6)
December 14, 2007
A bonus post about the last post
I have no problem at all in poking fun at religions I've been a member of. Perhaps you recall the time I said something like, "I used to be Southern Baptist (our motto: We know why we're going to heaven and why you're not)" or the time I said something similar to, "When I became Catholic they gave me a crucifix that said on the back, 'I'm Catholic, Call a Priest.' Of course they made me turn in my other cross ... the one that said, "I'm Baptist. You're going to Hell.'"
Seinfeld had an episode in which he groused about the fact that the dentist became Jewish just for the jokes. His thinking was, sort of, that people were allowed to make fun of organizations and religions they were member of but others should keep their hands off.
In my last blog entry I said some things that I hope were not offensive. I try to be sensitive to all religions and all cultures to which I don't belong and try to never name my stuffed animals — Fluffy, Spot and Pope Benedict — inappropriately.
Anyway, in the last entry Sue left a comment asking what Sam's lines might have been. To keep you sharp for the holidays I've put together a little puzzle. Two of the following five lines were Sammo's. You figure it out. (Bonus points if know the movies the other lines come from.)
"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?!"
"It seems Graysville isn't so gray after all."
"Say hello to my little friend."
"I ain't got time to bleed."
"Wow, just look at all those wonderful windows."
Posted by delmer at 9:32 AM | Comments (7)
December 13, 2007
The Christmas Play
Yesterday my son Samson co-starred in his school's Christmas play … with about 40 other kids. 
Much of his time, as was most of the time by most of the kids, in the play was spent being a background singer. He did, however, have two lines that he delivered in such a way that, and I think every parent in attendance would agree, I truly believe he carried the show.
What I think was really cool about the play was that it covered Hanukkah, Kwanza, Ramadan, and Christmas and that each holiday was given equal time. It would seem the Catholics have lightened up since Vatican II and have decided to let everybody into Heaven. (Though I think the Catholics still believe O'Hanahans still get preferred seating over the Katz family. (I also think our Jewish friends will be having the last laugh as Bruce Springsteen leads them in rousing versions of Hava Nagila when we've all made it through the Pearly Gates. (Yes, I know. Bruce is Catholic (who, but a Catholic, could have come up with a lyric about pregnant nuns in the Vatican), but you know some seating mistakes are going to be made.)))
We learned that a dreidle has four words on it (eenie, meenie, miney and moe), Kwanza (like the banjo) was born in the USA, and Ramadan comes around every nine months and is very hard to say without thinking of a popular hotel chain or British school teachers.
When we learned about Hanukkah one of the children took on the role of a Jewish lady. Kwanza saw one of the kids as an African person. Ramadan, a Muslim. We also had a child representing a Mexican lady as we were given a look at how our neighbors to the south celebrated the holiday. (As our neighbors to the north were unrepresented I can only assume that Canadians are all members of some heathen horde).
Inasmuch as my children go to a predominately-white Catholic school, all of the 'international' and non-Christian roles were played by predominately-white Catholics.
And if it sounds at all like I'm picking on the school, I'm not. I really liked the message that the play was sending and I thought it was incredibly open minded.
Posted by delmer at 5:14 PM | Comments (6)
December 12, 2007
A Poem by Jack
What I Found in My Locker
A really long ear of corn.
A rusty bike without a horn.
A rubber chicken that makes a squeak.
A bully shoved in by a geek.
A pre-baked chicken, no, it's a turkey.
A full size link of beef jerky.
A bologna sandwich that's very moldy.
And my grandma (she's an oldie).
An airplane the size of a cougar.
A diamond-colored Freddie Krueger.
And last (but not least) a secret compartment.
That leads right into my secret apartment.
... Jack Wells, age 12
Posted by delmer at 1:00 PM | Comments (10)
A Christmas Decree
A guy I know who writes a blog that seems to lack anything in the way of actual substance and rarely contains anything about his divorce, recently received the following from his ex:
Regarding Christmas: I would like to begin following our decree. As this is an odd-numbered year, I will have the boys for the first part of break until 1 p.m. on Christmas Day. Then it states that you will have them until 6 p.m. the day before school resumes, which is January 3. Next year will be switched.
So he will have the boys, whom he adores and loves more than anything, New Year's eve. Per his decree.
This struck him as odd as, well, let's let part of an e-mail he sent someone last year speak for him:
The boys and I spent New Year's at my place -- which is how we did it last year and quite possibly the year before. I know I've had them two years in a row on New Year's. This year the ex pointed out that, per our decree, I'd end up with the boys on New Year's this time ...
(The "pointing out" part was done via phone so he has no electronic trail to refer to, though he remembers it vividly. Um, so he says.)
He was pretty sure that his decree was not written in a manner that allows him to have his children each and every New Year's, though that would be fine. Sometimes, he said, it isn't about custody, but about feeling like someone is misleading you. He freely admits he should actually read his decree, but it depresses him.
In all fairness, and due to Outlook's amazing search feature (though Google Desktop would do the same thing) he found the following item from his ex as well. Inasmuch as it was received October 9 of 2006, he'd forgotten about it by the time the holiday rolled around last year.
Our decree says that during odd-numbered years I’ll have them the first half of break, until 1 p.m. 12/25 and then they go with you the rest of the break. The opposite would be true this year.
This year, they are off school beginning on Friday 12/22 and return on Wednesday Jan 3, so they have 8 school days off. Normally, they would come to you on 12/22 and back to me on 12/29. How would you like to handle? I don’t have any plans this year to travel anywhere, so I’m completely flexible.
He has already updated his Palm TX, which he typically uses to read novels from, with the necessary date changes.
Posted by delmer at 9:46 AM | Comments (0)
December 11, 2007
My Mother the Crime Fighter
It is no secret that I have trophy parents whose goals seem to be to make my life better. Having found that this lacks the challenge it once had, they have moved on to making Franklin, Ohio a safer, better place to live. To this end, my mother has recently become a crime fighter.
Just the other day the Betty Signal — which closely resembles a pair of support hose — flashed onto the clouds in the gray, December sky over Franklin. Mom sprung into action and fired up the Betty Mobile, a newish, reddish, Buick LeSabre, and roared out toward the Marsh supermarket.
Actually, I think she was on her way home from that area but I had trouble working Betty Signal into a scenario in which she was already tooling around town.
Anyway, as she was heading down Millard Drive, named after famed blogger Marie Millard (not really), she noticed flashing red lights in her rear-view mirror and did what anybody else would do. She stashed her Bud up under the seat started pulling to the curb. Also making his way to the curb, to pass my mother and elude the police, was wanted felon Robert Wichern. My mother, applying the law of physics that states two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, was able to bring a halt to the police chase as wanted felon Robert Wichern bombed into her. Wanted felon Robert Wichern then tried to occupy the same space that was already being occupied by a stop sign and the combination of trying to occupy all of these already-occupied spaces eventually rendered his vehicle inoperable.
Winchern jumped from his car and with my mother hot on his heels made his break for freedom.
"Freeze mutherfucker!" screamed my mom as she pulled a Tazer from her purse.
"Don't Taze me, bro" yelled Winchern as he broke stride.
"You're my bitch now," yelled Betty, a bit put off that she'd just had the Buick detailed and it was now a mess, "Get down on the ground!"
Following an aggressive frisking, wanted felon Robert Wichern was turned over to the police.
Some of that has been fictionalized, but I think it's pretty close to what happened.
When mom was telling me the story she mentioned that it had made the news. "And you know the thing that upset me the most?" she asked. (And I'll give you a second to see if you can guess.)
"Did they call you old?" I wondered aloud.
"Elderly woman! They said I was an elderly woman! Now I know how your dad felt the day those kids referred to him as an 'old man'"
Mom, though her pride was wounded, was unhurt in the car crash.
Today dad and I were talking about the accident and the damage to the car. "You know they guy that hit your mother doesn't have insurance and I'm going to have to pay the deductible," he told me.
I agreed that didn't sound fair.
"And that's just the beginning of the expenses. I've got no idea what a new hair-do and face lift are going to cost me to take care of this 'elderly woman' I'm living with."
Comments like that might provide to repeat readers an explanation as to where I get the idea to say some of the things I say.
Before I got off the phone I told mom to look on the bright side: Regardless of how old she is she's not so old that they had any trouble determining her gender.
You can read a watered-down version of the crime-stopping in the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Posted by delmer at 6:11 PM | Comments (9)
December 10, 2007
More on Books
The last two entries have been about friends of mine who have written books and had them published. In those entries, while I provided links for the books, I failed to provide anything in the way of meaningful review. There were four reasons for this:
- I didn't want the meaningful-review portion to get lost in the general-babbling portion of the post.
- I don't write reviews well.
- I write meaningful things even less well.
- I know the guys so you might think I'm biased (and well, I am).
Let me start by saying that if I didn't like one of the books I wouldn't have said anything about it at all, biased or not. I'm the kind of guy that hopes a person has a cute baby because there is no way I'd be able to provide a sincere "ooh ... look how cute" if the baby lacks cuteness. Fortunately, I think Winston Churchill was a cute guy and as many babies look like Winnie, I normally have comfortable new-baby experiences.
Let me say next that I've not finished either book. The one big flaw with both of them is that they are not in a format that allows me to carry them around on my PDA. They're paperback and, as I don't want either to get torn up, because I treasure things my friends have done, I read them only when I'm at home or work.
There we are.
In the Hot Zone: One Man, One Year, Twenty Wars: Can be purchased from Amazon by following that link. You can also read (as I type this) four reviewer comments that are all favorable; Dave from Blogography has left a WADLL blog comment saying he liked the book as well. Regarding the reviewer comments, I was just a little disappointed that none of the insane-death-threat senders had anything to say about the book; I guess they're hesitant to buy it as it is unlike the graphic novels they so often favor.
The Heart of the Panthers: Is available from Jeff Kirby Books. The Heart of the Panthers had my interest from the very beginning. It takes place in a part of Ohio I'm very familiar with and during a time I have fond memories of (or of which I have fond memories). I recognize some of the characters by name and if I were any sort of sports fan I think I'd know a lot more of them.
As I read through it I can hear Jeff's voice in my head; so far he hasn't told me to knock anybody on their butt or to stay away from his siblings.
Not really in-depth reviews, I know.
But I do like and recommend both books.
Posted by delmer at 8:43 AM
December 9, 2007
The Heart of the Panthers
A friend of mine, Jeff Kirby, has recently had a book published. If I were to say that Jeff and I used to work together, vacationed together, worked out together, and that I dated his sister, they would all be incredible lies.
This next line will show just how far away from ever dating his sisters I was: About 25 years ago Jeff's parents told his younger brother to stay away from me as they felt I might be a bad influence. (That's not the best laugh line — you'll have to take my word for the fact that there are people chuckling over that.)
Jeff and I went to High School together and went to MUM at the same time. He is one of the best guys you could ever know. While we were never what you'd call tight I wouldn't hesitate to call him for free legal advice. I currently see him every five years at the class reunion.
Here are some Jeff Kirby stories:
Jeff and I drove to Miami University during our senior year in high school to look over the campus. There was another guy with us, and I think it was Todd K. (This was close to 30 years ago, cut me some slack.) We were finished with the trip to Miami early — we'd somehow missed the organized tour and this was a big time saver — and on the return trip to Franklin figured we'd rather not go back to school. We decided to hide the van (a full-size Chevy) in Kirby's garage so nobody would notice. We were very happy to find it fit without any air having to be let out of the tires. (For the record, skipping school was not my idea.)
While in college Jeff played played basketball for the branch campus. He told me of one game in which he was coming down the court as time was running out. Just as he approached the half-court line he let the ball fly and, at the buzzer, it went in the basket catching nothing but the bottom of the net, "and," Jeff told me with a bit of humor in his voice, "we only lost by 24 points."
Jeff and I played on the same intramural basketball team one year. As I did most years I led the league in fouls (and, therefore, foul-outs). During one game I was foul-free and the other team had a guy that was consistently scoring by driving up the middle. Kirby came up to me and said something like, "Delmer, you don't have any fouls. The next time Mobley drives up the middle knock him on his butt." Maybe a play or two later Mobley made a move up the middle and went up for a shot. I reached up and got my hand on the ball (which would have been clean had I stopped there) and drove it back into him… which did sit him on his butt. Mobley and I both looked at the refs who were looking at us with questions on their faces. One of our guys got his hands on the ball and took off up the court. Mobley looked around and said, "If that's how we're playing, I'm out!" And he left the game for good: Mission more than accomplished. (Later I found out the refs, from their angles, couldn't tell if he'd charged me or if I'd fouled him.)
Posted by delmer at 8:20 PM | Comments (6)
December 8, 2007
In the Hot Zone
A friend of mine, Kevin Sites, has recently had a book published. If I were to say that Kevin and I used to work together, vacationed together, worked out together, and that I dated his sister, it would all be true. It would also make it sound like we're a lot closer than we are.
Back in 1986 Kevin and I worked for the same organization. It was one of those jobs in which every waking moment was spent on the job with your coworkers or hanging out after work with them. (And that's not entirely accurate, there was a whole lot of on-the-job time that was spent solo.)
That job ended May 25, 1986, and after a bit of post-project cleanup a group of us decided to take a vacation. Kevin, David, Mark, Mike and I went to Put-In-Bay for a couple of days and stayed in a house Mike's family owned. During the trip up we missed the last ferry and had to charter a plane to take us from Port Clinton to South Bass Island. When we deplaned Kevin sat down on something, turned on his portable typewriter, and started putting down what had happened. The rest of us started ragging on him.
It was probably in June or July that I visited Kevin and his family at his parent's home (they were wonderful people and a bit concerned that their son had turned somewhat vegetarian). During the visit Kevin and I went to the gym. That night we drove around and bashed in mailboxes with a baseball bat (not really).
I may have left for Massachusetts the next week. I'm not sure. I'm trying to figure out how I got Kevin's sister's phone number, I don't believe I got it from him then as that would mean I'd have had to keep track of it for more than a year. I didn't call her until I lived in Lowell and that was toward the end of my stay in the Commonwealth. I must have talked to him after I moved to Massachusetts; he also must have said, "You should call my sister," as it would be unlike me to ask someone for his sister's phone number (or even know a person had a sister in Massachusetts).
Anyway, I did give Kevin's sister a call — which proves that at one time I did have balls (and big ones… she and I would have had similar accents so the typical dating--in-Massachusetts power I held wouldn't have worked on her… I was taking a chance) and we went out a couple of times.
Kevin visited me once when I moved to Columbus and we went to see Scrawl play (at the time I was working with their guitarist).
In the years that passed I'd Google Kevin to see what he was up to as I was sure would be something pretty interesting. I'd swear that I once found a picture of him in a jungle somewhere. Another time I tracked him to California Polytechnic Institute; an e-mail to him there bounced back and it seemed I just missed him.
At some point I ran across KevinSites.Net and I'd read it on a regular basis. Kevin looked busy and I didn't want to bother him.
And then one of those odd Internet things happened. I was reading through Misc.Fitness.Weights in Usenet and one of the off-topic conversations asked something like, "Have you ever met anybody famous." Well, I'd met Bill Cullen, but I didn't bother to mention it. (What, with Bill being dead and all, there was no way he could verify it for me.) Something a thread or two later involved a reporter in Iraq and something that had happened there. The reporter involved was Kevin Sites. So, in one thread I was asked if I'd known anybody famous, and in a following thread some I knew was made famous to the group (If you are not familiar with Misc.Fitness.Weights let me assure you that fame outside the group is not any sort of fame at all. There are people there that, I'm sure, have no idea who Brad Pitt is. It's my guess that many of the lunkheads there can't even read which makes me wonder how they ever found Usenet in the first place.).
Anyway, the thing that happened in Iraq seemed like the type of thing that might generate a bunch of hate mail and death threats from dumb fucks, so I thought I'd crank off an e-mail of support and to let Kevin know the corn crop was looking good that year.
He wrote back, and said that while he had been getting a lot of mail from dumb fucks one more was always welcome and he was glad to hear from me. (Alright, that may not be exactly what he said, but he did remember me; I'm sure I stand out from all the other Delmers he knows.)
So what do we have there — we've gone from I worked with Kevin to not seeing him for 20 years to swapping e-mail, and I say: A friend of mine has recently had a book published.
It works for native Midwesterners.
Speaking of Odd Internet Things: When I was trying to find a picture of Kevin in the jungle (or rain forest or heavily wooded area) I went to Google Images. On page 15 I found this …
Little Dave is everywhere.
Posted by delmer at 8:04 PM | Comments (8)
December 7, 2007
Awake
So, despite my promise to myself to avoid Movie Tavern until April I found myself there last night. And despite the fact I had serious doubts about the amount of gun play, the number of explosions and the level of general carnage in something called Awake, that's what I wound up seeing.
And it was very good. It starred some guy I didn't recognize, Jessica Alba, Sidney's mom from Alias, Fisher Stevens, Terrence somebody, and that tall guy I've seen in about 1000 things who may have played Sybil's ex husband in Sybil (unless that was Tom Wopat).
I'd never seen previews for Awake. I've never seen a commercial for it. I have no idea how anybody would even know to suggest it.
I'm not one to give well-thought-out reviews. I don't go on about camera angles or lighting or any of that stuff. I either like something or I don't, and this was pretty good.
By the way, I had a grilled chicken salad of some sort and didn't give a second thought to how it looked.
(According to IMDB the guy I didn't recognize was Anakin Skywalker in Attack of the Clones. That might be why his name sounded familiar.)
Posted by delmer at 12:05 AM | Comments (2)
December 6, 2007
First Big Snow of the Year
And "big" may be subjective depending on the part of the world you live in.
These photos are from outside my parents' house (yesterday).
Posted by delmer at 7:39 AM | Comments (12)
December 5, 2007
Twelve Months
Heather, at Footsteps, tagged me with the Twelve Months meme.
Twelve Months
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (for the complete list, see it here.)
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!
The complete list of traits will appear in the extended entry and I'll leave it to you folks to tag yourselves.
I was born in August, which is typically the month in which most births occur.
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
Let's take a closer look at these traits:
- Loves to joke: Yes
- Attractive: GMAFB.
- Suave and Caring: How do these two things go together? I believe I'm caring, but suave? No. (Certainly not like Rico.)
- Brave and Fearless: Only fools lack any sort of fear.
- Firm and has leadership qualities: I'm certainly more firm now that my hormones have been fixed. And I mean this in all ways. I have stronger opinions, more confidence, and stronger morning erections. (It's all testosterone related.) As for leadership qualities, I think we all have them, it all depends on what we're leading others to do.
- Knows how to console others: My children, yes.
- Too generous and egotistic: A person can never be too generous so long as he is meeting the needs of his family. Egotistic — characteristic of false pride; having an exaggerated sense of self-importance. I hope not; if I'm less important than I think I am then I'm totally screwed.
- Takes high pride in oneself: I'm a good person -- I'm happy about that.
- Thirsty for praises: No
- Extraordinary Spirit: How would I know?
- Easily angered: No
- Angry when provoked: There are people who have known me for decades who have never seen me angry.
- Observant: Every time I reread an old blog entry I find typos. Maybe I'm observant the second time around. I don't notice things like breasts or wedding rings. And I missed that easily jealous should have been next.
- Easily jealous: Jealousy seems like a waste of time. No.
- Thinks quickly: I think so, and I thought that quickly. Of course, maybe it's just my ego talking.
- Careful and cautious: Now that I have children, yes.
- Independent thoughts: Yes.
- Loves to lead and be led: To particular rooms, yes.
- Loves to dream: Who doesn't?
- Talented in the arts, music and defense: Has there ever been a Jackie Chan movie in which he was kicking ass, playing a banjo and painting? Does this person exist?
- Sensitive but not petty: Perhaps.
- Poor resistance against illness: No
- Learns to relax: I'm working on it.
- Hasty and trusty: Not hasty, but I trust just about everybody initially.
- Romantic: As much as most other men, I suppose.?
- Loves to make friends: Yes
==========================================================
The Twelve Months
JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
Posted by delmer at 8:50 PM | Comments (6)
December 4, 2007
More Blood Work
I had blood drawn last Thursday. After the prior draw my meds were dropped from 1 mg of Cabergoline (generic Dostinex) weekly to .75 mg weekly.
As the pills come in a .5 mg size this means I went from taking one pill twice a week (Sundays and Thursdays) to 1/2 a pill on Mondays and a full pill on Thursdays.
And what has happened since the draw of September 25?
I weigh a pound less, coming in at 236.
My prolactin remains unchanged at 7.8 (2.1-17.7).
See the Hormone Table Summary in living color.
By the way, my meds have been dropped to .25 mg twice a week -- or, I'll be taking 1/2 pill on Sundays and another 1/2 on Thursdays. [You may recall that at one point I was taking 1.5 mg (3 pills) twice a week (for a total of 6 pills weekly).]
I thought you'd want to know.
[I forgot to mention the part where I have two pituitary tumors that cause my prolactin to be elevated which, in turn, causes my testosterone to be low. I thought I should add that bit for Googling and blog-search purposes. Click the 'Hormones' category for more in-depth entries.]
Posted by delmer at 9:02 PM | Comments (6)
December 3, 2007
This can't be good
When this came up I was a little concerned,
And a little amused. I can only assume the question that did me in was one that had something to do with trust. I think is said something like "Do you tend to easily trust people too completely or trust them not at all," which of course is not exactly now it was written.
I typically trust everyone I meet right off the bat and continue to trust them until they do something that leads me to distrust them. An example of this would be if a sheriff presented me with papers on their behalf. There are certainly some levels of gray in between total trust and total distrust, but that's not what I'm going to talk about today.
As you know, Hitler rarely makes an appearance in the blog; in over 1000 entries he's been mentioned in but six.
What surprised me most when he popped up as the world leader I was most like was that I'd mentioned him just the other day when I said: Hitler was a sick fuck and he still got chicks; maybe he was a real cut-up when you got to know him; maybe it was the appeal of power.
You'll recall that I was trying to make a joke about how Hitler wasn't a funny guy but he still had some babe appeal.
While I'm sure I have little to worry about when it comes to being a sick fuck, and while I possess a full awareness that Internet tests probably don't test much of anything (especially when you see the Mother Teresa photo for this same test -- now in the extended entry ) I couldn't help but wonder if Adolph and I had some real things in common — aside from having lifeless-looking hair when we over condition. Perhaps there were more things… like this (click to enlarge).
Maybe that's how Hitler scored chicks. I imagine that if you hit the love making sweet spot with one or two women that they'll eventually tell their friends, word will spread through the single-woman community like wild fire and, sooner or later, make it back to your ex-wife.
Unless, of course… hmmm… there are two ways this next line can go, and in either way either one of two women may quit speaking to me. Or worse — they may start scratching my name off women's bathroom walls. [And while I'm on that subject let me say, I'm very happy with the way I'm being presented on the walls in women's bathrooms, For a good time call 614-xxx-xxxx but I've got to ask that you add to the end, but not after 9:30 p.m. I like to be sleeping by 10:15.]
As I ran all this through the hamster wheel that is my mind it occurred to me that if Adolph had hit the love making sweet spot (and remember, we're not talking about the point midway between the biting part and the kicking part — sweet spot in this instance is a reference to time) it would certainly be a nice tie-in to the last part of this blog entry.
Alternate Ending ... from two paragraphs up:
Unless, of course, you share a mutual friend or no friends at all in which case there is no way word will ever get back to your ex wife and it will be even less likely she hears, "Forty-five minutes? It was never that quick unless he was sleepy… or having trouble on the Russian front! Und was für eine riesige Wurst!"
Posted by delmer at 12:12 AM | Comments (21)
December 2, 2007
Magic with Numbers
According to Outside magazine:
Swiss Company FLISOM has come up with paper-thin solar panels that can stick to building like wallpaper and weigh 200 times less than their glass-based counterparts.
As you know, the above illustrates one of my pet peeves.
I weigh 235 pounds (another pet peeve… I'd rather weigh something less).
1 x 235 = 235
So, if I weighted one times less than I weigh now, I'd weigh zero.
200 x 235 = 47,000
And , if I weighed 200 times less than I do now, I'd weigh -47,000 lbs (give or take 235 lbs)
Posted by delmer at 12:15 AM | Comments (6)
December 1, 2007
My Big Morning
I was up until the early hours of this morning watching things I'd recorded and was sort of surprised when I noticed 2 a.m. rolled around. I wasn't terribly concerned though, I was meeting some friends for breakfast at 10:30, so I still had time to get in eight hours.
At 8 a.m. the phone rang. Our ERP database wasn't up and the accountants needed to do the month-end stuff. I told the caller I could fix the problem from home but decided against it after I hung up. I needed to install a new tape drive and, due to month end, was going to have trouble finding a time to do it that didn't have me at work at midnight or wasn't a problem for the accountants. I'd done a lot of the prework, so all I needed to do was slide the drive into a bay and connect a few cables.
I drove into work and shut off the server. I slid the tape drive in, made the connections, and had the server up in under 15 minutes. I did some testing and in fewer than 30 minutes I'd made the accountants happy and I'd accomplished something that would keep me from having to make a late-night run to work.
It was very sunny on the drive back home which made an early-morning bike ride seem like a good idea. I checked the outside temperature and when I noticed it was 18 F (-7.7 C) I realized that if I moved fast enough I could be on the bike and pedaling before the temperature hit 20 F… which, I think, was my previous coldest ride (a quick check of the archives suggests 21 F might have been the coldest).
Prior to Lycraing up I made a pit stop. It is only important that you know I made a number 2 as when I went to flush I found out the water to the house had been shut off. Fortunately, my diet had been celery heavy the last couple of days and it wasn't the problem it could have been, you know, had I been having a lot of steak and beer.
Fifteen miles later I returned home from a very pleasant ride to find the water back on. (I noticed some Water Department work going on about two blocks from where I live during the ride.)
So, to summarize: In two and a half hours I had fixed a database problem, installed a tape drive, tested the same drive, found out I had no water, biked 15 miles in 18 degree weather, and showered.
By 11 a.m. I was eating donuts. (But just two.)
Posted by delmer at 10:05 PM | Comments (4)