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November 5, 2007
More Driving Tips
As I have explained before, my driving skills are second only to yours. This of course makes me the second-best driver in the world. While it's a pretty high office to hold there is, unfortunately, no money involved (but it's kind of cool to have the designation on my insurance card).
I'm about to type some things here that will be of no benefit to the daily, or even weekly, What's a Delmer Look Like reader. You may wonder why I'm taking the time to post this then. It's for the others.
The other's are, of course, the idiots who are using their cell phones to browse the Internet while they drive -- which is the only explanation for some of the things I see; I'm hoping that one or two of them will stumble across What's a Delmer Look Like and that some of the tips I leave may help them.
Let's begin:
When you get on an on-ramp in Ohio you are committed to getting on the stretch of highway at the bottom of said ramp. There will not be a four-way stop at the bottom of the ramp. You will not have an opportunity to make a U-turn on the ramp. We do not put attractions, convenience stores, or gas stations on the on-ramp; you are not going to be able to stop for milk or gas or to ride a Ferris Wheel. You should use the ramp to accelerate to an acceptable highway speed. That's what the people at the bottom of the ramp expect.
When you get to the bottom of the ramp you are going to need all the speed you can muster as you will be merging into the fastest lane of traffic on the highway. This is because too many idiots, upon entering the highway, move immediately to the middle lane or far lane without any thought to the speed they might be going. This speed is often 10 mph under the posted limit and forces traffic to move to the empty lane -- the lane that is traditionally called the slow lane -- to pass.
Which is why ...
Once you've made it on to the highway you should stay in the lane closest to the passenger side of your car unless you are passing someone. You do not need to move to the middle lane or what is commonly called "the fast lane," for whatever the hell reason you seemingly do for no reason, unless you are passing. If you are in a lane and you find you that you are being passed on the passenger side of your car, you need to move the hell over at least one lane.
You may pass a police officer at the posted speed. If your are in a 65 mph zone and the officer is doing 55, you may pass him at 65.
You can not bank MPH. If you are roaring down the road at 70 mph in a 65 zone and you see a trooper in the median it does you no good to slow to 50 mph to pass him. By the time you've seen the guy he's zapped you with the radar/laser several times and has decided whether or not he's going to stop you or put another sugar in his coffee. Pass him at 65! Butch up! Drive like a man! It's not like he's going to stop you in a couple of days when you're doing 45 in a 35 zone and say, "You were going 10 mph over the speed limit, but I noticed that on Wednesday you passed me at 15 under ... so I owe you five. Here's a coupon."
Finally ...
When the light turns green, you go. The people behind you know how to drive and you're holding them up.
This is a pumpkin patch I passed on the way home from Mechanicsburg one day. I'd meant to post it before Halloween but I'd lost track of it.
Posted by delmer at November 5, 2007 9:21 PM
Comments
NOW I find out that you're really a closet-driving-instructor?? I would never have offered to chaufer you around England if I had know that! No wonder you looked so terrified all the time...oh wait...maybe that was the driving on the left thing?
Nice pumpkins....punk!
Posted by: Pen at November 6, 2007 3:38 AM
LOL, this was funny, I'm a woman who got her drivers license at the age of 28. At the age of 29 I started driving a cab. Traffic in Finland is nothing like driving in the states... or that's what I've heard. Even though I used to drive for a living I'm pretty sure men cuss and curse at my driving all the time. At times I have a lot on my mind and I forget where I'm supposed to go, so I change my mind... and I forget I'm not alone driving... even though that happens too over here. I've always been told that a woman is allowed to change her mind... WHAT? Isn't that allowed when you drive???
Posted by: Susie at November 6, 2007 4:17 AM
We have a two lane highway between Evansville and Bloomington and if you get stuck behind someone it is very difficult to get past them. There are only a few places where it turns into a dedicated passing lane and it never fails...the offending non-WADLL reader will speed up as we reach the passing area up to 70 or 80 mph (or whatever it takes!) to KEEP those of us behind him/her from passing easily. Usually there's several cars who are dying to pass them but the stretch for passing is only a mile long. They KNOW exactly what they are doing! No wonder there's road rage.
Posted by: Darrell at November 6, 2007 8:32 AM
"The Others" are probably travelers from PA. You know, PA Drivers? I'm one, and I can spot a fellow PA Driver five states away.. and I'm usually right too (my husband, who was originally an NY driver, finds this funny).
Although, I have to admit, NOBODY can drive in Cleveland. I hate driving in Cleveland.
Posted by: Sue at November 6, 2007 9:06 AM
Delmer ... a driver after my own heart.
I'm a patient driver, no road rage, but that's because I am usually leading the pack. If you're afraid to do the speed limit, or pass a cop, or go when the light turns green, put your license back into the grab bag that you obviously got it from in the first place.
Posted by: Nancy at November 6, 2007 11:53 AM
Lady P: I think I proved that the only place I'd be safe driving in England would be down a bobsled course. I need the left-hand curb to keep me on track.
Susie: Men are going to curse your driving no matter what. Women are allowed to change their mind on a whim ... men are permitted to cuss the driving of women (even when the women may be better drivers).
Darrell: I've been behind those same people. I was trying to get around a woman doing 55 in a hilly, curvey area. We had two lanes going our way and I just wanted to do 60. I went to pass on a down grade ... in curves ... and when I checked the speedometer we were both doing 70 -- she'd sped up to pace me. I put her into the guard rail. (Not really.)
Sue: What I love about PA is that they have, or used to have, signs telling you what a ticket would likely cost if you were going X, Y, or Z miles over the speed limit, so you'd be able to calculate which was the best bargain. (If 5 miles over costs 50 dollars, and 10 miles is only 60 ... etc.)
Nancy: Dead on. If you're not ready to drive the car -- stay out of it.
Posted by: delmer at November 6, 2007 2:46 PM
Make sure you put your left turn signal on when you get to the bottom of the ramp, people on the freeway may think you we're going to make a right.
I also hate the ones that squeeze the open spot you were going to go into at bottom of said ramp.
Tap the brakes because your too close although 3 cars could fit between you and them, but if you pass them you can see their nose hairs.
Also 90% of the people who drive Ford trucks, they own the road like their Mustang brethren. Slow down, speed up, change lanes for no reason, give the finger, roll their window down on the freeway to yell at you (in the summer of course), flash their high beams, pull out in from of you on a 45mph road and do 10.
I also like the ones who gun the light, you know they start creeping through it like they are pre-staging for a drag race. The the light changes and they see how slow they can accelerate.
I'm done.....
Posted by: mikeo at November 6, 2007 8:59 PM
What a weird name; Delmer?
Posted by: Delmer Tapparo at November 6, 2007 11:18 PM
MikeO: I was next to one of those pre-staging guys today on the way home from work. He started creeping forward on red ... the light changed to green ... he stopped.
Delmer: I couldn't agree more.
Posted by: delmer at November 6, 2007 11:25 PM
I drive very well. I know that if I catch a red light it is probably because if I was 30 seconds ahead of where I am I would be killed by falling space debris.
On the other hand, if I am late to an appointment and you see me eying a spot in the fast lane and you ZIP as fast as you can into MY spot... don't be fooled by my calm face. I am mentally sending you to hell.
Posted by: Diana at November 7, 2007 11:15 AM
These are all perfect, Delmer. Count yourself lucky: I have to drive down the ramp from Cemetery to 270 EVERY DAY. Please add: if you are in a large SUV, and you can see over my PT that there are solid lines of cars, less than 1 carlength apart (you'll recognize this from your NASCAR watching), please do your part and BTFU so that there are at least 3 feet between our bumpers. I cannot go any faster, or I would! Since neither you nor the driver in front of me are NASCAR quality (unlike me and mikeo) I don't want to be in a 6" separation draft line.
Posted by: Icy Mt. at November 7, 2007 4:02 PM