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November 6, 2007
An Anniversary
As I mentioned at the beginning of the month, November will bring with it two Celebrations and one Anniversary.
We've already celebrated the 2000 miles I've put on The Mighty Schwinn this year, and I think you'll have to agree, it was pretty painless for you.
Today we'll celebrate the Anniversary. I'm not sure, as I type this next comma, how painless this is likely to be for you.
You see, What's a Delmer Look Like is all about helping people (at least some of the time). It's during those helpful times that I actually feel like I'm contributing to society.
Sometimes helping others requires revealing ugly things about one's self. And that might cause you some pain.
Well, let's see where this goes.
The Anniversary: Today my belly button is one-year old.
It was one year ago today that I had surgery to correct screwed-up-hormone-induced gynecomastia. (You can read all about the messed up hormones by clicking the Hormones link in the categories listing.) As I received treatment and my hormones came back to normal-man-level levels I dropped a bunch of weight: 10 stone as a matter of fact. CXL pounds for you Romans. 65.3 kilograms for those of you who refuse to accept the fact that the metric system is a dying system. Several really big bales of weed in drug parlance. One Bush twin on a non-binge night. One hundred and forty pounds.
(It took three years. By the way, in that photo the navel is one-year old correction one-day old; it's a bit hairier now.)
Since I was having the chest done I thought I'd have a tummy tuck at the same time. It made sense and was a money saver.
As part of the tummy tuck my old belly button was removed and a newer, safer, model with driver's side airbags was installed. I saw pictures of the old navel and have to admit it was sort of an odd sight seeing it laying on a table.
At some point I recently teased that I might have an additional story to go along with my belly button tale. I'd waffled on this and a friend of mine, who knows about the surgery, said, "Oh no… you've got to tell it. Nobody'll be put off." She thought I was going to tell the story I told above. That's not the story.
Before I continue I should point that as a naked man in the shower I do a pretty thorough job. I touch everything at least once and mid-shower have myself sudsed up to the point that if you were to lay me out on a table I'd look like a vanilla banana split slathered in whipped cream with a cherry on top.
Having said that, when the tummy tuck was new I didn't have any real feeling on the outside of my stomach area. It was sort of numb and it grossed me out a little to touch it, so I fell out of the habit of giving it and the belly button the scrub they used to get. At some point I lost my bottle brush.
Alright, I never used a bottle brush. But wasn't that a nice image?
So, and this is where I get uncomfortable, the other night I was sitting, shirtless, in the recliner, reading a bit, watching a Grounded For Life rerun, and wondering, "what the hell is that in my belly button?"
It was similar to that sleepy bug stuff you get in the corner of your eye. People my age will remember Rosanne Rosannadanna doing a bit on it. For you younger folks, it's the crusty stuff you sometimes find in your eye in the morning.
It was at this point that I realized I hadn't given my navel a serious cleaning in about a year; sure, it had gotten the passing scrub, but not the one-on-one attention it deserved. That couldn't be good.
It was a second later that I realized that my navel had a feel to it that still left me feeling uncomfortable about sticking a pinky into it.
So, I got some Q-Tips, some alcohol, a vinegar & water solution, a bit of soap, a portable sandblaster and I got busy.
My navel is now so clean you could slurp Jell-O shots out of it.
I'll be taking Jell-O shot slurping applications starting in December.
Posted by delmer at November 6, 2007 10:08 PM
Comments
I have a sudden urge to take a shower.
Posted by: The Phoenix at November 6, 2007 11:58 PM
HMMM
I wait for Lady P's comments.
Posted by: mikeo at November 7, 2007 1:18 AM
I shouldn't read your blog while eating breakfast... now I have to clean the computer screen!
Posted by: Susie at November 7, 2007 1:32 AM
Congrats on the belly button. Glad it got a detail on it's birthday!
Posted by: ses5909 at November 7, 2007 2:04 AM
Delmer: It's been so long since Jell-O was mentioned on this blog! Applications you say? Hmmm...
Delmer's belly-button: Happy Birthday, and what a cute little button you are too ;o)
MikeO: Scary as this sounds - this story could actually have been WORSE! Be grateful ;o)
Posted by: Pen at November 7, 2007 2:14 AM
Hrm. Now THIS I can fully relate to, having had laparoscopic surgery in my past too. I hate the funny 'don't touch me' feeling it gives me too, so I fully empathize with you there.
Congrats on getting it clean!
Posted by: Sue at November 7, 2007 8:15 AM
2000 miles of cycling goo...Eeewww!
(#2 of 3 by my count, although I may have missed an eeeww.)
Posted by: Darrell at November 7, 2007 8:20 AM
Phoenix: A very hot one, probably.
MikeO: Never a bad idea.
Susie: My first thought was to say that WADLL isn't always food friendly ... then I finished your comment, well, wait, it still isn't food friendly, just for a different reason (laughing while eating (I think) vs. gagging due to content).
Sara: Very good. I wish I'd said 'detailing.'
Lady P: We have a saying over here ... There's always room for Jell-O; you think it would be easier to work into the blog on a more regular basis. (BTW, MikeO is familiar with how it could be worse ...)
Sue: I used to be married to a woman who apparently had full-body laparoscopic surgery. (And really, I just say that for the 'don't touch me' joke that comes with it.)
Darrell: The third Celebration will be 'eeeewww'-free.
Posted by: delmer at November 7, 2007 9:31 AM
I googled "10 stones" while subbing for the switchboard. It took me 2 hours. THEN I finished reading the paragraph. Silly me
Congrats on cleaning your belly button! You should be ok w/ stephen king now that you have THAT behind you :P
Can we see before/ after pics? Of the weightloss... not the scrubbing!
Posted by: Diana at November 7, 2007 11:01 AM
Well, I worked on a hospital and a home for elderly at the age of 18, I've got 4 kids and 2 dogs, it takes a lot for me to gag. My screen got cleaned because of me laughing.
Posted by: Susie at November 7, 2007 2:20 PM
Hi, I love how you are running this blog. I just started a blog of my own and I was wondering if you would like to do a link exchange with my site. My site can be found at:
yada.yadax.yada.blogspot.com
If you want to do this, just leave a comment on my site, on any post, and I’ll link you later that night.
Thanks,
Dave
Posted by: David at November 7, 2007 4:09 PM
Would you say you like my blog any better than the others you made the exact same comment in? I like to think I stand out just a little bit from the crowd.
Where else can you get such in-depth analysis of a person's belly button?
Posted by: delmer at November 7, 2007 4:45 PM