What's a Delmer Look Like?

Posted by delmer at 12:06 AM | Comments (8)

November 24, 2007

More on Black Friday

In yesterday's post I promised to "post more later," which may have suggested that later would come sometime yesterday. That is certainly how I meant it.

Yesterday turned into a much bigger day than I thought it would so later is now now. 

Early yesterday I went to my buddy's house (and I won't name names in this post due to a game we'll play later at some point) to visit a bit before we went to the YMCA to play basketball. My buddy lives in Lebanon not too far from a LaRosa's Pizza (and I mention this and have posted the LaRosa's picture as one of the WADLL readers was a fan of the restaurant).

Right around 11 a.m. we left for the Y and on the way in we ran into two friends (now married to each other) I haven't seen in years. Shortly after that another friend, and fellow basketballer, showed up.

I used to play basketball on a fairly regular basis and my strength was standing under the basket and not complaining too much as other players beat on me while we all tried to get our hands on the ball. I could also run up and down the court like your typical teen and 20-year old. Depending on the day, my shot wasn't horrible. I wasn't afraid to jump and one summer could actually dunk the ball.  The goal was always to win.

I haven't played in a couple of years.

At the Y there was a mix of guys in their late teens (probably) through 57. As I looked at the rim I wasn't sure I could touch it I tried and I wasn't even eager to try. The goal today would be to not get hurt.

I won't bore you with all details of the game other to say that I didn't get hurt, I didn't suck horribly, and that I knew, shortly after the game started, that I'd have trouble walking today. 

Following the game my buddies -- two of the Thugs I used to run with -- and I went to BW3's for wings and beer.  We sat around, told all the old stories, and had a beer or two.

Later that night I found out that Buckeye Doc, another Thug, and his wife were in town and after a couple of calls BD and I made plans to get together. We'd eventually close the Applebees ... mostly due to the fact they close at midnight.  Our buddy Roy joined us shortly after we took a position at a table.  We sat around, told all the old stories, and had a beer or two.

(By the time we'd made it to Applebees my body had gone into a mild state of rigor mortis which made trips to the bathroom rough on me.)

This morning the rigor mortis is confined mostly to my calves. Oh, and this happened to my toes:

I probably should have trimmed the big toe's nail. I wonder if the two bruised nails will fall off; this is the first time this has ever happened.

Posted by delmer at 10:23 AM | Comments (12)

November 23, 2007

When Black Friday Comes

Happy Black Friday people.

And speaking of Black Friday — when did that become the formal name? I know it's been referred to that for a while among friends, and Steely Dan has had that kick-ass song about retailers heaving themselves from the fourteenth floor since, well, since Josie came home. But how long has Black Friday been showing up in ads all over the place? 

Much like Ross was the Friend whose thing was he got married over and over, a lot of the blogs I read have their things. Sara at I Love Code posts technical stuff, Dave at Blogography has his drawings and Apple whoriness, and Kazaa at Kazaa the Blank One, despite living two streets over from me, does a very good job of convincing her readers she lives in Australia.

My thing, apparently, is that I post things I've eaten. This is my Thanksgiving plate:

What is very sad is that my phone, in the available light, didn't capture all the colors. In there you've got some Turkey (breast, thigh, and wing ... I chose the wing for the crunchy-skin), sweet potatoes, broccoli-something, dressing, a small bit of mashed potatoes, and a smidge of gravy.  I'm not one of those freaks who insists their food doesn't touch (it touches in your belly, people!) so I lump it all together.

I wish the picture looked nicer. It doesn't do my mom's cooking justice.

I'll continue the Thanksgiving post later today. 

Be sure to come back to read about my bicycle trip.

Posted by delmer at 7:33 AM | Comments (11)

November 22, 2007

More Tech Support

The other afternoon I spent some time working on a friend's home network. Without getting into too many details I'll just say I reached a point where I needed to assign an IP address to one of the computers rather than permit it to have an IP address given to it via DHCP.

In Windows XP when you tick the Use the Following IP Address (to assign an IP address) box you also have to enter DNS server info.  I needed to call the ISP's Tech Support to get those addresses.

So I did. And I had a conversation similar to this. 

Me: I'm calling to get the IP addresses for your DNS servers.

TS: You only have one IP address. The one that comes from the modem.

Me: I know. That's not the one I'm talking about. I'm after the IP address for the domain name servers.

TS: What will you do when they change?

Well, I've been using your service at work for 8 years and the numbers have changed but once. It isn't something that happens often. 

Me: I'll change them on this end when that happens.

TS: I can tell you what your modem's IP address is.

Me: I can get that myself. I have three computers and I need the DNS servers as I'm assigning an IP address to one of them.

TS: But you only have one IP address for that modem. You can't use three computers...

I was starting to catch on.

Me: I have everything behind a router and I use network address translation to provide IP addresses that start 192 and are not in the public range.  I need the DNS server info so that when I type in a web address my computer will know where to go in order to get the information it needs to resolve the address to a location on the Internet.  I've got the information from you before and have it written down at work.

I stopped short of saying "I think the first  two octets are 65.24"

TS: Let me ask someone else.

The briefest of moments pass.

TS: I was told to tell you to type "ipconfig /renew" and then "ipconfig /all" all in a DOS box to get the info you need.

Which will show the DNS server as being the router, or 192.168.1.1 

Me: That's not going to give me what I want.  I'll call work and ask someone there.

If I'd only bought my PDA with me. I've got the DNS server info in it.  Wait. I did. It's in my bike bag. 

The first two octets were... drum roll, please ... 65.24.

(In all fairness, this was residential-service tech support.  At work I always call Business-Class support and they are more used to the request I made.)

Posted by delmer at 12:02 AM | Comments (7)

November 21, 2007

Go Elf Yourself

Firefox users (and maybe others) can click the images for holiday magic. IE6 users may have to click these links:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9565437028 

Posted by delmer at 9:33 AM | Comments (10)

November 20, 2007

Disingenuous

As you may recall, one of the things in the Eight Things About Eight Things meme that I said I learned was that disingenuous was a real word and not just something I made up.

Obviously, I'd heard the word somewhere before and forgotten about it. I never thought it was a word I created and then applied the correct definition to. It was just one of those words I'd almost said once or twice in conversation and then decided not to as I wasn't sure it was real. The other day I finally Googled for it and found it.  It was a word and I felt a little bit better knowing it. (Just a moment ago as I typed disingenuous  I misspelled it and my spell checker caught it and suggested the correct spelling; it seems like that would have been an easier experiment to try.)

A few days after  Googling for disingenuous I was having lunch with a friend who made use of the word.

So, to time-line the whole thing:

• I wondered if disingenuous was a word 
• I Googled for it and found the answer
• A couple of days later I mentioned it in the meme
• A day or two later a friend used it in conversation

That is quite the riveting tale and many of you, no doubt, are waiting for John Davidson to step up next to you and say, "That's Incredible." (And when he does, I want you to say, "John, you're getting a little too old to dye your hair brown. Let's go for a salt-and-pepper thing or something.)

But wait… there's more.

The other day I was as Laid.back Buddhist's site and found a reference to Free Rice. The idea behind Free Rice is that people guess the definitions of words and for every one that is guessed correctly, ten grains of rice are sent to feed people in a country poorer than ours. The only caveat is that if too many words are guessed incorrectly we invade the country and put Blackwater in charge of the their borders. (Maybe not, and I like to think that whoever is in charge of Free Rice is going to send X tons of rice to feed the poor regardless of what we guess and that the game is more or less there to make us feel good.)

Anyway.

A day or two after my friend used disingenuous at lunch, Sue from La Chanson de Phoenix mailed me the following jpeg.

She had been at Free Rice and one of her words was: disingenuous.

Something like this should bring out not only John Davidson, but Fran Tarkenton and Cathy Lee Crosby as well.

Well, I'd blog more, but I've got an appointment in the parking lot to catch arrows that are being shot at my head while I jump over two speeding sports cars that are attempting to run me over while I look at the grooves in vinyl albums and tell you which piece of classical music they hold even as I repeat back to you everything you say as fast as you say it.

Posted by delmer at 12:27 PM | Comments (6)

November 19, 2007

Spitting Rain

While this might sound like a cycling entry at first, and while you may be tired of those, if you can manage to make your way through it you'll find that it's more about life, luck, and love. 

Saturday, as you know, I went out for a ride on The Mighty Schwinn and just over a mile into that ride I broke a spoke. What I failed to mention when I first blogged about this was that when the ride started I was in an incredibly-good biking mood. The blog entry for that day was going to be something short that encouraged everybody to buy a bike and get out on it once in a while.  Such was the weather, traffic, and saddle-induced butt tingle surrounding the start of Saturday's ride. And then I broke a spoke which led to the evening ride in the dark.

When I picked the bike up from the spoke replacement I also bought a new chain. I've got some sort of clunking thing going on with the bike that may be happening only when the bike is in the second-largest gear in the back. Really it doesn't matter. What does matter are that there are just a few things that can go wrong with respect to the drive train on a bike. I'd already replaced the bottom bracket and I'd had everything else looked at and tightened. The chain seemed like a good thing to buy and the tech, upon inspecting it, indicated I had a lot of extra play in it.

Last night it looked like I was going to get out in time to ride in the daylight.  As I pulled the bike out of the garage I remembered I wanted to change the chain and, as it takes about 10 minutes to do, thought I'd get on it.  You know how it is: when you buy something new that you think will solve a problem you want to put it into service as fast as possible.

I whipped out my chain breaker, pushed a pin through the old chain, and went to back the chain breaker out. It sort of hung. 

Rather than go into all the details, let me just say that twenty minutes later, making use of a giant clamp, a workbench, and a box-end wrench I used to add some leverage to help me screw and unscrew the only moving part of the chain breaker, I had broken it. 

No ride Sunday then.

Today I got up bright an early and went into work. It's supposed to be pretty warm today, for November, and right around 10 a.m. it got sunny. It was then I decided I'd take a 1/2 day off to put some time in on the bike.  I left work at 12:30 and was home a few minutes later.  It still wasn't as hot as it was supposed to be so I decided to clean out the minivan and garage.  I also raked some more leaves.

Around 1:30 I got busy putting the chain on the bike (I'd purchased a new chain breaker on the way home).  I probably had it on by 1:40.  I'm thinking it started to rain at 1:41.

It was just a light sprinkle so and I came in to check weather.com.

You'll notice that on the entire map there are but two rainy-looking areas.  The one that was sprinkling on me is the small patch that is on Dublin in this picture. Hilliard is just about where the 270 shield is.

What are the odds?

Well, it looks like the "bad" weather is by me. I should probably get on it.

(I realize the sprinkles I'm getting might be so light they don't show up on radar.  I just thought the radar had a coincidental look to it.)

Posted by delmer at 2:23 PM | Comments (8)

November 18, 2007

WAA

Sue, at La Chanson de Phoenix was kind enough to favor me with the Winning Attitude Award.  I'm not one to get all Sally Field on you (though, you know even at 61, I don't think I'd mind having a little bit of Sally Field on me), so I'll simply say, thank you Sue. 

I was one of several people Sue passed the award onto and for each person she wrote a little bit about that person's blog. She wrote this about me:

Delmer (What's a Delmer Look Like? Beats me, but he's very charismatic! I think I picked a good day to link to his blog... could have been worse... I'll leave it at that!) 

If you are a regular reader of WADLL you know exactly what she means; it could have been worse.  

As she says, I'll leave it at that.

Posted by delmer at 10:23 AM | Comments (7)

November 17, 2007

Saturday in Review

Oh people. It's been a big day.

My goal was to do a bit of shopping and put 50 miles on The Mighty Schwinn.

As you may remember, all good bike rides start with breakfast at Mel's Diner. Mel's, unfortunately, is closed for remodeling and the first order of business for today was to find an emergency-backup breakfast place. I settled on Chef's House just down the road from me and on the way to where I intended to go shopping. I had a western omelet, home fries and toast.

I don't always have breakfast potatoes; if I know I'm going to be riding later, and burning them off, I'm more likely to order them.

After breakfast I shot off to the Eddie Bauer Warehouse Store to buy some pants. As I got out of the van I realized I'd left my 20%-off coupon at home; since I was going to be getting just pants I decided to forget the savings rather than drive the 6.5 miles back home for the coupon.

Well, pants that were originally (theoretically ...) $45-$65 were $9.99.  Additionally, I found some long-sleeved shirts that fit and were $12.99. And there was the leather jacket that had been marked $245.00 (and was a tall) and was 75% off.  I never, ever, ever buy clothes.  As a matter of fact, one of the sweet things about wearing jeans to work (and being a guy) is that I can wear the same pair every day for a week and who's to know the difference?

Anyway, I'm trying to justify my purchases, and really, I just needed the pants and shirts. 

Since I'd gone beyond a single pair of pants I thought I'd drive home for my coupon. It's a 6.5 mile drive and I should have been able to make it in about 10 minutes if I caught the lights.  It took about 20, maybe a few minutes more, with traffic.  The only reason this is worth noting is that in the time it took me to return to Eddie Bauer and pay,  the OSU/Michigan game started. That return trip home took about 10 minutes; the streets were mostly empty and I caught all the lights.

Today it was in the mid-40's and rather pleasant so I threw the Lycra on and prepared to ride to Mechanicsburg. One point three miles into the trip I broke a spoke. Thirty minutes later I was at the bike shop. 

Rats! 

I was still eager to get sweaty.  As the women readers seem to be unable to take any sort of hint, specifically:

You might also want to mention that your kids go to your ex's Friday night and will be gone until the next Friday  

Hold on, with Mel's closed you probably have no idea how to catch up to me.

Anyway, I thought my best shot at working up a sweat might be to do some work in the garage.

The bike shop called around 4 and I picked up the bike at 5:30.  I made a quick stop at Kroger to buy groceries (turkey was $.49 a pound). Right at 8 p.m. I left the house and put 22 miles on The Mighty Schwinn.

 

Mel's is closed for remodeling.

This is Chef's House.  I'm guessing you'd have known that without my pointing it out.

This is the parking lot for the bike path area. On a day as nice as today it would normally be pretty full. On an OSU/Michigan Football Saturday, it is totally empty. I don't get it.

Posted by delmer at 10:45 PM | Comments (9)

People need to get a life.

Today is November 17.

I know.

You can't believe I'm posting a blog entry, what with it being the day of the Ohio/Michigan game and all.

Even as I type the rest of the city is suiting up, painting their faces, pulling on their lucky underwear and shaving their bodies. As much as I don't understand any of this, the body shaving puzzles me most.

Beer runs are being made. Kroger is being emptied of ice, wings and cheese trays.

By 11 a.m. the entire city will be ready.  If the OSU football team sustains injuries to the point they're out of subs, Jim Tressel (the coach) can merely dial any phone number in the 614 area code to find an eager replacement willing to make the drive to Michigan as soon as he or she sucks the hot sauce off their fingers.

As for me? Jim should probably not bother to call my home. I lack the sit on my ass and watch football gene though I intend to be sitting on my ass elsewhere.

And I may do some shopping.

Posted by delmer at 8:10 AM | Comments (13)

November 16, 2007

The Call Went Like This

I had the following phone conversation the other day.

Caller:  I was just reading your blog and came across the Eight Things About Eight Things Meme and wondered about something.

Me: Yea?

Caller: Aren't you concerned that of the scores of women you've slept with, one or two of them might read your blog and take offense at the comment you made about having weak orgasms?

Hmmm. I hadn't really considered that. Though, a lot of the women were blonds and would be hard pressed to spell Delmer, so it's unlikely they'd find my blog anyway. A couple of the brunettes actually screamed the wrong name (which is less distracting than it sounds) and may be nothing to worry about. The redheads... now there's a vindictive group. Still, the weak orgasm things is more my problem than anybody else's. 

Me: I hadn't really thought about it.

Caller: So, you don't think one or two of the throng might have a concern?

Me:  I guess I'm not sure.

Caller: Well, think about it. You might want to print some sort of note about how this is a problem you've always had and is not a reflection, at all, on the bedroom skill-set possessed by any of the many women you've been with. And that you've enjoyed every minute you've spent with every single one of them -- even the spitters -- and that everything is always a lot of fun and very exciting, something you always look forward to, and super-cool and that the bit at the end, while still pretty good for you, could be even better -- great by some reports -- and the fact that you know the ending for you isn't going to be as good as it could be doesn't keep you from pulling out all the stops, and the occasional toy, and giving 100% when it comes to making sure the woman you're with at the time is the happiest woman alive; at least for a couple hours or until you fall asleep. You wouldn't want it to get around the vast woman underground that you seem unappreciative and that you blame women for the fact that you aren't what they'd call "a screamer."  You might also want to mention that your kids go to your ex's Friday night and will be gone until the next Friday -- and that the pattern repeats every second week -- um, just because.

Me: Hmmm. Well that's a lot to type.

Caller: I'm just saying. Anyway, what time will you and the boys be down for Thanksgiving?

Me: Should be about noon, mom. Don't let dad eat the gizzard.

Alright. Maybe it wasn't mom and maybe it wasn't a call. Maybe a guy I used to work e-mailed me to ask if I'd given up on snuggling with any of the women I'd slept with in the past (By the way, their number would only make up a bowling team. With a varsity and a JV squad. And some subs. A coach. A watergirl. Equipment managerette. Mascot ...).

(I told my buddy that both his mother and sister had called just that morning and I'm pretty sure they read the blog -- so, perhaps, women are less sensitive than he thinks.)

BOING!  (just because). 

Today's picture: The boys in Clear Creek in Franklin, Ohio.  May 2005.  When I was little I used to spend a lot of time playing in the same creek.

Posted by delmer at 7:08 AM | Comments (7)

November 15, 2007

This is a Quicky

So there will be no photo.

This morning I needed to get the boys out the door a bit early as one of them needed to be at school for a meeting.

"Where's my coat?" Hadyn asked as we were making out way toward the door. Where's my coat, unfortunately, comes up a lot more often than you might expect and always when I want it least. We needed to be in the van, not searching for coats.

"Well," I said, "The last time I wore your coat ..." and I let it hang, the point being that I don't wear his coat, how am I supposed to know where it was. And it was on the chair in front of him.

We all picked up our backpacks and I took a look for the last, most important, thing I needed. "Has anybody seen my keys?" I asked.

"Well. The last time I used your keys ..."  said Haydn, also going with the letting it hang bit.

And, my keys were right in front of me the whole time.

Posted by delmer at 9:47 AM | Comments (9)

38 Things About Me

It's been a big week of memes, hasn't it.  Dariana at Charmed and Dangerous tagged me with the 38 Things About Me. These are 38 actual questions so the chances of me saying something that I question myself about later is pretty small.

Let's begin:

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
Well, three people -- my children

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Putting boys on the bus

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Looking for a local Asian restaurant using Google Maps

4. What happened to you in 2006?
I turned 47

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
Get your brother

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Beverages? About a gallon of water

7. What colour is your hairbrush?
I use a comb

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
A can of Diet Pepsi

9. Where were you last night?
Home. I have kids.

10. What colour is your front door?
White

11. Where do you keep your change?
In my wallet or pants pocket

12. What’s the weather like today?
Cool

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavour?
Chocolate chip cookie dough

14. What excites you?
Not as much as you'd think

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Yes.

17. Do you talk a lot?
Sometimes


18. Do you watch the O.C.?
No

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Yes

20. Do you make up your own words?
Probably

21. Are you a jealous person?
No

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’
Alec

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’
Were you struggling for meme ideas here?

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
Work called me at 6 a.m.

25. What does the last text message you received say
It's the phone number for a local business

26. Do you chew on your straw?
Yes

27. Do you have curly hair?
No

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
An Asian place

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
I culled all the rude bastards out a long time ago

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Animal Crackers

31. Will you get married in the future?
No frikkin' way

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Bee Movie

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
I'm going with Hillary at the moment

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Last night.

35. Are you currently depressed?
Currently? Are you kidding? I've got General Tso's to look forward to.

36. Did you cry today?
No.

37. Why did you answer and post this?
Why not?

38. Tag 5 people you want to do this survey.

This wouldn't really be a thing about me, would it.  So, thing 38 is that I don't normally  tag others. While I don't mind being tagged, tagging others makes me feel bossy.

Picture of the Day:

It isn't often that I get sick and it's hard for me to feel like a manly man when I am.  My dad, always sensitive to how I feel about myself and not one to get ill either, was kind enough to come down with pneumonia last year at the same time I had some sort of viral thing working; I'm sure he did this to help boost my self-image.   I had a negligible fever but it still had me feeling like crap for almost a week.  You'll notice that dad and I use the same tissues-in-the-nose system to halt snot drainage.

Posted by delmer at 12:16 AM | Comments (5)

November 14, 2007

Boing

Something has been troubling me about the two memes I've recently participated in. 

As you know I have no problems with blog posts that make veiled references to my manly region. It doesn't even bother me to post things like, "and when I say 'veiled' I actually mean 'tarped' as a veil simply isn't large enough — I'm talking something the size of one of those things they roll out on a baseball infield when it starts to rain."

Let's let that roll off the tongue: "I have no problems with blog posts that make infield-tarped references to my manly region."

Well, I've coined better phrases.

Anyway.

Cracks that seem to suggest my manly region is much larger (well, really, just a little larger) than it actually is do not bother me in the least. I'll sleep well tonight even after having said everything I've said thus far in the post. (Well, I'll sleep well until that first nocturnal erection hits and my blankets are thrown skyward and tossed off the bed. You know… sometimes the 'boing' noise actually wakes me up.)

Still no problem sleeping. 

And I know my mother reads this. Of course she's probably laughing the hardest (having changed a lot of my diapers when I was younger).

Some time passes, as indicated by the double space ... 

… Well, here's a kick in the teeth. I can't really explain what troubles me about the memes without bringing it all back up.  So, let's move on.

Rino at Pinoy Biker passed the following compliment on to me.

 

Rino lives in the Philippiness and uses his bicycle as a way of transportation to get to and from work and as a way of taking care of his health. He commutes by bicycle a lot more than I do, his commute is farther, and the hours during which he is commuting are not as daylight-friendly as mine. (Of course, he is in the Philippiness and to an Ohioan that sounds sort of exotic and cool.  If they have grass in the Phillipines I imagine it is very green as it is way on the other side of the fence.)

(If they have grass in Jamaica I imagine it is gold, based simply on Bob Marley songs ... mon.)

As you all know, I am not the best person when it comes to accepting compliments, but I was genuinely touched by this.

I typically let complimentary things slide off me and rarely acknowledge them. Not too long a female person I'd just met said something nice about my arms and shoulders. My first thought was, "What am I supposed to do with that?" Maybe some guys eat stuff like that up.  I don't know. Maybe if they were using discarded Ringling Brother's big tops to cover their manly region when they stepped from the shower they'd be focused less on their smaller appendages.

(Of all the things I've typed in this post, the bit about someone saying something nice about my arms bothers me the most.)

Anyway, I typically let complimentary things slide off me and don't acknowledge them. And so, a while back when Heather over at Footsteps paid me a compliment, I sort of did a brain stutter.

Delmer:  Always witty; at times, sardonic and self-deprecating, Delmer’s blog appropriately titled “What’s a Delmer Look Like?” is …  gosh, I’ve written/deleted/written some more/deleted again…  I’ll settle on the fact that his blog is hard to describe but quite entertaining.  It’s his life and then some (check out his trip to England)…  

 

I'll admit I had to look up sardonic. But when I got past the extra-grammar work Heather put me through I felt all warm inside and a little less immature than I normally do.

One of the great things about the Internet is how it brings us all together even though we're miles apart — 8000 in the case of Rino, something like 25 in the case of Heather. I'm certain if more of the world's leaders would get involved in blogging we'd be able to work through our differences a bit better. 

I don't know about you but I'd certanly drop by Dubya's blog to read all about his dinner-napkined references to the first penis 

 (Hey, in other vocabulary news, today somebody used disingenuous in an sentence; two days ago I wasn't sure it wasn't a word I'd simply made up.)

One more thing:

BOING! 

Posted by delmer at 8:49 PM | Comments (8)

November 13, 2007

Thanksgiving at Work

Today, at work, we celebrated Thanksgiving. The company provides turkeys and a lot of us bring in a covered dish. Some of us, guys who blog better than they cook, kick in some money. 

As I've said before, I work for one of the best companies ever.

In addition to today's Thanksgiving Feast we also had kick-ass weather and I decided to take the bike on a 17.5-mile lunchtime spin. (I had my Thanksgiving feast at my desk while I worked on some things.) When I was out I snapped this horrible picture of the Outback Blimp.  I've no idea why it's in Columbus and I think it's mere coincidence that it's been headed toward our Outback the two days I've seen it.  Both times, by the way, I was out on the bicycle at around 1 p.m.

It was my intention for this photo to show what a nice day we're having.  As you can see, that's hardly the feeling one gets from this picture.

Anyway, it's about 61 F  (16 C), sunny and nice.

Posted by delmer at 5:12 PM | Comments (8)

Eight things about Eight Things

Black Belt Mama, who is a Karate Mistress working toward her Black Belt, tagged me with the Eight Things about Eight Things Meme. 

Here we go:

Eight Things I Am Passionate About (In no particular order) 

Perhaps you recall earlier this year when I stated I seemed to lack passion about anything. What I meant then, of course, was hobby-like things.

1. I'm certainly passionate about my children and letting them know they're loved
2. Being a good example for my kids (which I count as a separate thing than the above item)
3. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
4. Riding my bike. Remember, I recently decided I ride because I really like to.
5. Reading. At any one time I pretty much have at least one book working.
6. Thongs. Not on me, necessarily.
7. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
8. Helping OJ find the real killers

Eight Things I Want to Do Before I Die 

1. See my children move out and become happy, well adjusted adults who visit me because they want to. I want to die before they do, and only after I know they're old enough to handle my death well.
2. Visit France again.
3. Win the Lottery, and not a piddly one (I won $3.00 in one that could have paid millions the other day). Mostly I just want to be able to leave my kids a big wad of money. Knowing they'll come into a big chunk of change when I'm gone may help them deal with the loss of me better.
4. Get the in-ground irrigation system in my yard working.
5. I want to start having better orgasms. This should have been in the list of Seven Things from yesterday. The whole laying around naked with a woman thing is always great and I normally make it to the exciting climactic end, but it has never been the oh-my-God earth-shattering experience you always hear about (or you always have). I was close, once, in college, but just as I formed the hey, this is what it's all about thought (that is, as soon as I noticed what was going on) it went away.  It's certainly something wrong with me; I'm a little uptight.
6. Figure out how to match shirts to pants to shoes without having to look at a picture of a guy on a sign or in a magazine somewhere.  Do navy pants go with brown shoes? I'm certain they work with black.  Some color goes with more things than the other -- is it black shoes? I think so. Then why did I buy brown casual shoes?
7. Witness the dying of the phrase, "I just want a man who makes me laugh." 
8. Move past minivans

Eight Things I Say Often 

1. Leave your brother alone.
2. Three dollars a gallon! (Or a variation thereof.)
3. Looks so good, make a grown man cry ... sweet cherry pie
4. Did you reboot?
5. Did you reindex?
6. It looks like you need a new ink cartridge
7. Please dry off before you get out of the tub
8. An Egg McMuffin, Super-size Diet, and a Fruit & Yogurt Parfait. For here, please.

Eight Books I've Read Recently 

1. The Heart of the Panthers, by Jeff Kirby (currently reading)
2. In The Hot Zone, by Kevin Sites (currently reading)
3. The Survivors Club, by Lisa Gardner 
4. Hide, by Lisa Gardner
5. Gone, by Lisa Gardner
6. Debbie Does Dallas Pop-up Book, by Bambi Smith (the movie was better)
7. The Omega-3 Connection, by Andrew Stoll (it's a nutrition book)
8. The Next Accident, by Lisa Gardner

I'm currently working my way through all of Lisa Gardner's books, I've probably listed them out of the order in which I read them. Naturally, I made the Debbie Does Dallas book up, so let's substitute,  Alone, by Lisa Garder. Oh, and if you haven't done so yet, be sure to put a hit out on me at Gardner's website.  (I'll have some more on the Kirby and Site's books later.)

Eight Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over 

1. Promise Land, by Bruce (almost anything by Bruce)
2. Bitch, by the Stones
3. Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes, by Jimmy Buffet
4. Hair of the Dog, by Nazareth
5. Candy O, by The Cars
6. I Need a Lover, by John Cougar
7. Spiderwebs, by No Doubt
8. Etude Opus 25, #10, by Chopin. The version showcased in the on-hold music by many of the companies I need to call for tech support. Wait… that's a song II listen to over and over, not that I necessarily want to listen to over and over.  How about Dog Eat Dog by Ted Nugent.

Eight Things that Attract me to My Best Friends 

1. They are honest and trustworthy.
2. Many of them have lost more hair than I have and I think that was damned polite of them
3. They're all funny (and I can say this, I'm a guy)
4. Despite several accidental attempts we (my older friends and I) all failed to kill one another when we were younger and that has to say something about the ethereal-karmanic forces at work in the world. (That is, we're a good fit.)
5. They would do anything for me (within reason) and I for them
6. They're all incredibly intelligent
7. They're genuinely good people
8. They all remember when MTV was good

Eight Things I Have Learned this Past Year 

1. Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop
2. Disingenuous is an actual word. Not just something I made up.
3. When it is zero degrees outside (-18 C) the upstairs of my house still gets warm enough despite the fact that the house is 100 years old and there is no ductwork on the second floor; the heat rises through grates in the floor.
4. Despite how much my divorce sucked the life out of me it is, by far, not the worst one ever.  It was really rather tame.
5. I can ride my bike outside when it's as cold as 21 F (-6 C) in nothing more than two pair of tights, underwear, a long-sleeved technical-fabric shirt, two-pair of gloves, special socks, a balaclava, and a light riding jacket. I'm certain I could get by with the same garb with the temp in single digits.  (It's important to have extra layering over the man tools due to the way the wind flows over the bike.)
6. I am able to distrust some people more than I ever thought possible
7. I like sweet potatoes
8. Spinach is best in loose-leaf form. If all you've ever had is the wet, canned stuff it's no wonder you don't like it.

Eight People Who Should Do This Meme and Not Complain 

I'm really not good at tagging people.  

The photo of the day:

My post-surgery nipple (from a year ago). This would be my left one. It looks better now and was recently nominated for Nipple of the Year along with Dubya and Newt Gingrich. 

 

Posted by delmer at 6:29 AM | Comments (6)

November 12, 2007

The Seven Meme

Susie tagged me with the 7 Things You Don't Know But I Do meme. While it would have been easy enough for Susie to claim Finnish and Swedish (and, well, English if you consider that too many of us have trouble with the language) as two of the seven items, she went well beyond those things. I don't know if I'll be able to be as revealing.

Here goes:

1. In college I was recruited by the CIA to be a field agent. In the end I didn't make it as I was too tall. At the time the CIA was using a particular rig when they'd wire their agents for communications. Due to my height, the distance between my butt, where the battery would have been hidden, and ear was too great.

Wait, that wasn't me. That was Chuck.

This is going to be hard as I pretty much put anything that's ever happened to me in this blog. I haven't posted pre-gyno pictures of my chest, but I probably would if I didn't have kids.

Let's go again.  Some of this may have appeared elsewhere in the blog. Some of these things may not be secret to anyone but me for other reasons:

1. I do a thing with my tongue that women can't believe. I keep it in my mouth and listen to what they have to say rather than wag it around in an attempt to dominate dinner conversation.  At least I think I do. I'm a guy, how smart can I be? (Lunch is when I do all my talking.)

2. I am quieter than you might believe. If I see you and don't know you well I'm not likely to walk up to and start a conversation. I don't know that I'm particularly shy, I just assume you have better things to do that talk to me and I don't want to be a bother.  If you've made the mistake of getting to know me well, ah… you get what you deserve. 

3. It is rare for me to compliment the wives of my male friends. There are exceptions to this rule, for example if the woman was my friend before I knew the husband or was my friend independent of the husband. It isn't a terribly complex formula, just the one I use. This is all tied to something that happened on March 21 many years ago, and if you want to dig through the March archives you can sort it out yourself. Those of us that know what happened don't need the link. (And the reason why I don't compliment wives of friends will not be in the least bit apparent.)

4. Until recently I thought I chose to do the things I do as a way of insulating myself from others, specifically women. Believe me, if you get divorced you'll understand exactly what I mean here. In the past couple of weeks, though, I've come to understand I really like doing what I do for no other reason than I enjoy it. I like riding my bike.  I think I'd like it more if I joined a group ride, but so far I've been too lazy to find one. Not long ago someone asked me to meet them for lunch and I wondered if I'd be able to pull it off and still ride my bike to work that day. I like lifting weights in my garage; I don't have to wait for equipment and my son can lift with me.

5. My high school French teacher thinks I made horrifically obscene phone calls to her while I was in college. I didn't. I have a friend who is a teacher and would, eventually, teach with this person. The French teacher, all these years later, still thinks it was me. This troubles me more than I can explain and more than it ever should have. (I think that's a new one; something I've never mentioned in the blog.)

6. I don't tell people I write a blog. I may have, at one time, when it was about my kids.  Of course, if you're looking for me and Google 'Delmer' I come up number one ahead of the weight and scale company, the director, and the journalist (I never know it that last one is a real guy or a fictional character).

7. I may say things like "my children are the second-most-adorable group of children in the world, right behind yours," and "my driving skills are second only to yours" but I really think my kids are the most adorable in the entire world. And I'm soooo much a better driver than you are.

Today's picture (from my phone):  Yesterday the boys and I went and hit several buckets of golf balls. This is Jack taking a swing, and you'll have to excuse his grip; he was making better contact with the ball using the grip show, and yesterday (in the cold and rain) it was all about contact ... not form.

Posted by delmer at 7:15 AM | Comments (14)

November 11, 2007

Celebration 3

At the end of last month I promised you that November would bring with it three celebrations.

The first celebration came on November 3 when I put 2000 miles on the Mighty Schwinn.

The second celebration hit three days later on November 6 with the one-year anniversary of my new belly button.

Today, November 11,  I'm shooting the November-Celebratory Wad: This is the one-thousandth post on What's a Delmer Look Like? 

I know, I know. Some of the women readers are a somewhat disappointed and think the celebrations have ended a bit prematurely. 

There was such promise. The month started with a little bit of teasing. Nothing too-in-your-face, just the hint of something big to come.

November 3 and the Mighty Schwinn story hit just about the time they thought I'd lost interest; the women had been considering moving on to another blog … a more sensitive blog … a blog that seemed to know where to move and what to do without a lot of direction … a blog that didn't fumble with buttons or whatever those frikkin' snaps are called …a blog with an easier name to scream. 

The Mighty Schwinn story kept them from leaving. Women like a guy who can go the distance in the saddle (though they're not keen on "saddle" references to any part of their body; especially if it's followed by "bags") and 2000 miles is certainly going the distance.  All of a sudden What's a Delmer Look Like? was showing some serious promise.

The second celebration came a little sooner than expected. Things were moving faster than they liked. Well, they thought, ya gotta dance with the one that brung ya. We've got a couple of hours before mom and dad come home we've got three weeks left in November, there's still plenty of time to end with a big bang. 

After a couple of days, things were looking good again. The hairs on the napes of the women readers' necks (excluding my mother, sister, sister-in-law, and nieces) and started to prick up in a way that only a story about the one-year anniversary of a new belly button can cause prickage.

Almost there.  And yet nowhere close. Thank God, they thought, there's so much of the month left.  

And just as they finished that thought — boom — the floodgates were released.

We hit the 1000th entry. 

Sooner than they'd hoped, and for this they have my apologies. 

What can I say, I did everything I could to delay it.  I tried pacing myself by typing more slowly. I used long, hard-to-spell words rather than those that are short and easy to spell (like: in, and, out). I thought about baseball.  

To all the women I've disappointed today, let me say: Have some chocolate.  Then hit the shower, as cute as you look sweaty, there's a lot of today left and you don't want to go out with a look of disappointment on your face and sweat on your brow.

The guys — any of them that are still awake and not slumped comatose and drooling over their keyboards — are thinking WTF are you talking about? You made it to November 11, I'd have never made it that long! Bravo! You rock! 

As for the guys who have fallen asleep, well, unfortunately for them they'll miss the stats:

1000 Posts

497,337  Words (I counted twice)

2,538,105  Characters (excluding spaces)

3,043,253  Characters (with spaces)

[Hey, women readers' necks, that is supposed to be possessive plural, isn't it?]

Picture of the day: Jack and his sled, Christmas 2004 at Granny and Big D's.

Posted by delmer at 10:14 AM | Comments (10)

November 10, 2007

My Pipe

Way back on June 3, 2005 I reported the speed of my Internet connection as:

It was just over 3.9 Mb per second.

Today, running the same test from, theoretically (who knows what's changed elsewhere) the same server, my connection is:

In non-graph form that's 5.8 Mbps.

Using another server, one I that I know is in Chicago, and possibly closer to me I get:

That's 6.8 Mb per second download and 490 Kb per second upload.  Servers in San Francisco and Seattle returned download speeds of just over 5 Mb per second; upload speeds were affected less with Seattle coming in at 487 Kbps.

RoadRunner is my ISP so I'd expect to get the best results with downloads from their network.  The download came in at 837 Kbps, or 8.3 Mbps.  In 2005 it came down at 593 Kbps or just under 6 Mbps.

What does all of this mean?  Well, the cost of my service has not gone up — and with the things I've bundled in may be spiritually less expensive — and I'm getting more bits per second: Millions more.

As I said back in 2005 — I remember when a dial-up connection of 4 kpbs was kicking ass and downloading the new Internet Explorer was something you started just before you went to bed and let run all night.  As you can see in the last picture, I can now download a 95 Mb. file in something like two minutes. 

Posted by delmer at 7:39 AM | Comments (13)

November 9, 2007

Central Ohio Top Hoochie

I'm John Smith of Central Ohio Top-Hoochie, started the radio ad, as I drove to work earlier this week. 

"Top-Hoochie, hmmm," I thought. And I figured it might be one of the fake commercials the local station runs every so often. Right around the beginning of Fall it isn't uncommon to hear an innuendo-filled ad for Dickins Cider (Get it? Dick inside her.)

Top-Hoochie was a new one and it may have gone by me had I not recently seen an 8 Simple Rules in which Jim Rockford explained that "hoochie" was short for "hoochie mama" and that the term was used to describe a woman with a particular way of thinking (not necessarily a bad way, unless you're a teen-aged daughter).  

I thought maybe the term had evolved over the years to mean something else. Like, maybe a woman might say "I'm going to the gynecologist to have my hoochie tuned up."

When you work in the dark like I do the ad continued,  ... yada yada yada ... Central Ohio Top-Hoochie. 

While "work in the dark like I do" was a valiant effort, it hit me that this wasn't the funniest thing the station had ever put together.

Whether you need augers, rakes or diggers you'll find everything you need at Central Ohio Top-Hoochie.

I could work with augers and rakes though I thought diggers was sort of an odd choice. What would a digger be? A speculum?

Something something something, blah blah blah ... Central Ohio Top-Hoochie. You don't need to be able to say the name to ... something.

Today I heard the commercial again. It would seem the company is Central Ohio Takeuchi.

Even the most robust of women would find it a challenge to make use of any of their gynecological instruments.

[The photo in this entry is from Sam's 6th birthday. We went to the Motorcycle Hall of Fame to celebrate.]

Posted by delmer at 7:35 PM | Comments (5)

November 8, 2007

Shopped Like a Woman, Again

As most of you already know, I shop like a man. What you may not know is that I Mosh like a Mormon.

Not really, it's just that after I typed "I shop like a man" my mind flew to "and I slam dance like a Mormon." Wikipedia redirected me toward "Mosh" and I liked the alliterative quality. ;

Posted by delmer at 5:15 PM | Comments (13)

November 7, 2007

Cycling, the weather, BFD

Today, at lunch, I put a hair over 18 miles on The Mighty Schwinn.

It was 41 F (5 C), and dreary looking (i.e., there was no sun to speak of).

I wore:

• Long-sleeved light underlayer shirt (think Under Armor)
• Short-sleeved jersey
• A light, inexpensive Nashbar jacket
• Underwear
• Light-weight tights
• Padded shorts
• Padded fingerless cycling gloves
• Winter-weight regular gloves
• Athletic socks
• Tennis shoes
• Balaclava
• The Slip
• Helmet

Observations: I was certainly warm enough. The winter-weight gloves were too much, though I needed something; I rode the last mile with just the padded gloves and could tell that too much of that would have made my fingers painfully cold in short order. The thick gloves made my hands sweaty.  The single pair of tights were plenty at this temperature. My toes didn't get cold.

The balaclava and The Slip worked together to reduce wind  noise to almost nothing (it's worth noting that there was little wind today). I could hear my MP3 player well enough and had no trouble hearing traffic.

 As you know, I'm doing daily pictures this month.  Diane asked for some before-and-after weight loss shots. The two of the big me on this page are from August 2000.  The shot of the bad-helmet-hair me is from August 2007.  As many of you know, I have an attitude oddity about my weight loss. People ask if it was a lot of work, expecting it to have been. It wasn't, I started taking meds to fix my hormones and things just started going my way.

In the bigger shots of me you can certainly see evidence of gyno. What you can't tell is that I was working hard to lose weight and getting nowhere.

Posted by delmer at 5:42 PM | Comments (16)

November 6, 2007

An Anniversary

As I mentioned at the beginning of the month, November will bring with it two Celebrations and one Anniversary.

We've already celebrated the 2000 miles I've put on The Mighty Schwinn this year, and I think you'll have to agree, it was pretty painless for you.

Today we'll celebrate the Anniversary. I'm not sure, as I type this next comma, how painless this is likely to be for you. 

You see, What's a Delmer Look Like is all about helping people (at least some of the time).  It's during those helpful times that I actually feel like I'm contributing to society.

Sometimes helping others requires revealing ugly things about one's self. And that might cause you some pain.

Well, let's see where this goes.

The Anniversary: Today my belly button is one-year old.

It was one year ago today that I had surgery to correct screwed-up-hormone-induced gynecomastia.  (You can read all about the messed up hormones by clicking the Hormones link in the categories listing.)  As I received treatment and my hormones came back to normal-man-level levels I dropped a bunch of weight: 10 stone as a matter of fact.  CXL pounds for you Romans. 65.3 kilograms for those of you who refuse to accept the fact that the metric system is a dying system.  Several really big bales of weed in drug parlance. One Bush twin on a non-binge night. One hundred and forty pounds.

(It took three years. By the way, in that photo the navel is one-year old correction one-day old; it's a bit hairier now.)

Since I was having the chest done I thought I'd have a tummy tuck at the same time. It made sense and was a money saver.

As part of the tummy tuck my old belly button was removed and a newer, safer, model with driver's side airbags was installed. I saw pictures of the old navel and have to admit it was sort of an odd sight seeing it laying on a table.

At some point I recently teased that I might have an additional story to go along with my belly button tale.   I'd waffled on this and a friend of mine, who knows about the surgery, said, "Oh no… you've got to tell it. Nobody'll be put off." She thought I was going to tell the story I told above.  That's not the story.

Before I continue I should point that as a naked man in the shower I do a pretty thorough job. I touch everything at least once and mid-shower have myself sudsed up to the point that if you were to lay me out on a table I'd look like a vanilla banana split slathered in whipped cream with a cherry on top.

Having said that, when the tummy tuck was new I didn't have any real feeling on the outside of my stomach area. It was sort of numb and it grossed me out a little to touch it, so I fell out of the habit of giving it and the belly button the scrub they used to get. At some point I lost my bottle brush.

Alright, I never used a bottle brush. But wasn't that a nice image?

So, and this is where I get uncomfortable, the other night I was sitting, shirtless, in the recliner, reading a bit, watching a Grounded For Life rerun, and wondering, "what the hell is that in my belly button?"

It was similar to that sleepy bug stuff you get in the corner of your eye. People my age will remember Rosanne Rosannadanna doing a bit on it. For you younger folks, it's the crusty stuff you sometimes find in your eye in the morning.

It was at this point that I realized I hadn't given my navel a serious cleaning in about a year; sure, it had gotten the passing scrub, but not the one-on-one attention it deserved. That couldn't be good.

It was a second later that I realized that my navel had a feel to it that still left me feeling uncomfortable about sticking a pinky into it.

So, I got some Q-Tips, some alcohol, a vinegar & water solution, a bit of soap, a portable sandblaster and I got busy.

My navel is now so clean you could slurp Jell-O shots out of it. 

I'll be taking Jell-O shot slurping applications starting in December.

Posted by delmer at 10:08 PM | Comments (12)

November 5, 2007

More Driving Tips

As I have explained before, my driving skills are second only to yours.  This of course makes me the second-best driver in the world. While it's a pretty high office to hold there is, unfortunately, no money involved (but it's kind of cool to have the designation on my insurance card).

I'm about to type some things here that will be of no benefit to the daily, or even weekly, What's a Delmer Look Like reader.  You may wonder why I'm taking the time to post this then. It's for the others.

The other's are, of course, the idiots who are using their cell phones to browse the Internet while they drive -- which is the only explanation for some of the things I see; I'm hoping that one or two of them will stumble across What's a Delmer Look Like and that some of the tips I leave may help them.

Let's begin:

When you get on an on-ramp in Ohio you are committed to getting on the stretch of highway at the bottom of said ramp. There will not be a four-way stop at the bottom of the ramp. You will not have an opportunity to make a U-turn on the ramp. We do not put attractions, convenience stores, or gas stations on the on-ramp; you are not going to be able to stop for milk or gas or to ride a Ferris Wheel.  You should use the ramp to accelerate to an acceptable highway speed. That's what the people at the bottom of the ramp expect.

When you get to the bottom of the ramp you are going to need all the speed you can muster as you will be merging into the fastest lane of traffic on the highway.  This is because too many idiots, upon entering the highway, move immediately to the middle lane or far lane without any thought to the speed they might be going. This speed is often 10 mph under the posted limit and forces traffic to move to the empty lane -- the lane that is traditionally called the slow lane -- to pass.

Which is why ... 

Once you've made it on to the highway you should stay in the lane closest to the passenger side of your car unless you are passing someone. You do not need to move to the middle lane or what is commonly called "the fast lane," for whatever the hell reason you seemingly do for no reason, unless you are passing. If you are in a lane and you find you that you are being passed on the passenger side of your car, you need to move the hell over at least one lane.

You may pass a police officer at the posted speed.  If your are in a 65 mph zone and the officer is doing 55, you may pass him at 65.

You can not bank MPH.  If you are roaring down the road at 70 mph in a 65 zone and you see a trooper in the median it does you no good to slow to 50 mph to pass him.  By the time you've seen the guy he's zapped you with the radar/laser several times and has decided whether or not he's going to stop you or put another sugar in his coffee.  Pass him at 65! Butch up! Drive like a man!  It's not like he's going to stop you in a couple of days when you're doing 45 in a 35 zone and say, "You were going 10 mph over the speed limit, but I noticed that on Wednesday you passed me at 15 under ... so I owe you five. Here's a coupon." 

Finally ...

When the light turns green, you go. The people behind you know how to drive and you're holding them up.

This is a pumpkin patch I passed on the way home from Mechanicsburg one day. I'd meant to post it before Halloween but I'd lost track of it.

Posted by delmer at 9:21 PM | Comments (11)

November 4, 2007

My art gallery/gym

Six or seven years ago one of our neighbors had a garage sale in which he sold a bunch of his paintings. Hadyn, who was about seven at the time, bought them as an investment; when the neighbor made it big in the art world he wanted to be able to cash in.

The pictures traveled between several locations and finally came to rest in my garage. I eventually hung them on the walls in order to add some color to the otherwise drab peg board.

I'd swear that one above the mirror never takes her eyes off my ass.

Posted by delmer at 9:50 PM | Comments (12)

November 3, 2007

Celebration One

I woke up this morning with big dreams. Dreams so big that it was fortunate I have a king-sized bed. By the way, when I say dreams, I mean dreams and none of that innuendo stuff you sometimes get here.

Being a mere 21 cycling miles short of 2000 for the year I was confident that today I'd make that goal and we, you and I, would have the first of the celebrations I mentioned earlier this week. 

I had it all planned out starting with a pre-ride meal and ending with me getting all John Cusak in Say Anything as, at the end of the ride, I held my bike victoriously above my head and sang In Your Eyes.

Firstly though, I thought I'd change pedals on The Mighty Schwinn. Something is making an odd noise — a chunk chunk chunk —  that comes and goes and that I can feel through the pedals. Without droning on about what else I've done to fix the problem, it seemed like changing pedals would be a good idea.

Rather than just buy pedals at the shop and take them home, I thought I'd take the bike in just in case the tech had time to look at the rear axle (I've broken two in two years, maybe I'd broken another). 

In order to get the bike in the minivan I have to take the front tire off. I undid the quick release and the safety catches and released the front brake. I picked the bike up by the goose neck, gave it a little shake to free the front tire, and tweaked my back.  Oh, and the tire fell loose.  I leaned it against the workbench and went into the house to do some stretching.

I took the bike to the shop, the tech looked at it, made an adjustment to the rear wheel, and we decided the pedals probably weren't the problem.  He didn't charge me. Sweet.

The last time I tweaked the back I took a day off riding and rode the next day. At the end of that ride the back felt fine, soooooo… I thought I'd try the ride today and see if it worked any magic on the back.

Back home I Lycra'd up, put air in the tires, adjusted the fit of the Slip, and hit the road.

The wind was in my face and a little stronger than I care for. About five miles into the ride the chunk chunk chunk started and I tried to get a better idea what might be causing it. I never did sort it out but I decided try to keep it chunking hoping that it might reach a total-failure condition.  Rather than fail, it quit making the chunk noise.

At 15 miles out my back was killing me and I started to have doubts about just how smart this whole thing might be. The wind was strong enough and so constant that the ride seemed to be taking forever.  I almost turned back.

You know what kept me going? You.

As you know, I love each and every one of you in a very healthy, non-threatening, manly way and I want to make you the happiest person in the world. You deserve so much more than I'll ever be able to give you, but I refuse to stop trying to make you happy. At least until you haul me before a judge.

Yes! Some days I get upset with you. The days that I've decided what I'm going to blog about and as I'm typing it up I'm hit with an ethereall sense that you want more. That you feel you deserve more as if I'm obligated to make you happy. Those days I sometimes pull back and more or less just phone it in.

Today was not one of those days. As I prepared this blog entry in my mind, an entry that started Today I rode 30 miles, I was struck, nay… molested, by the fact that you could read about 30-mile rides on just about any other blog out there.

You expect more and you deserve more from What's a Delmer Look Like.

Today I thought you deserved 66% more. The ether seemed to agree with me. I pressed on.

As I continued I started to worry that if my back hurts like this now, how is it likely to feel on the way home? I was counting on the fact that having the wind at my back on the return leg would do something to alleviate the pain. If you've ever been out on a ride, struggling against the wind, sort of suffering, and you've ever been irritated by the way the brake cable is rubbing your hand (even though it's always been like that), or by a click (that's always been there), or Dubya (just because) then you know what I mean. Things that may not otherwise trouble you become bothersome when there are other irritants involved.

I had dinner in Mechanicsburg and made a mental note that my back wasn't bothering me all that much. I made another mental note about the fact I'd gotten a late start and that it might get dark before I got home if I didn't make short work of my Buffalo Burger, fries and cherry pie (cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise).

Normally when I leave Mechanicsburg it's hot out and I stop a couple of times for a drink. Tonight it was kind of cool and I had a great tail wind. Each time I looked down at the speedometer I was cranking out 19 mph or better; I had a good stretch of 24 mph.  The only time I stopped and dismounted was when I walked up the short hill from the road to the bike path. (I also used that time to take the photo on this page.)

My back didn't trouble me on at all on the way home. 

Dubya still did. A good tailwind is only good for so much. 

[I know I didn't average 19 mph or better all the way home. It eventually got dark enough that I couldn't make out the numbers on the speedometer and I'm sure I was slower by that time.]

Posted by delmer at 9:56 PM | Comments (6)

November 2, 2007

The Trip Out West Part XXIX: Beer Bash at Alcatraz

If you are just coming in to the story, and you want to read all the good stuff about my stint in jail, you should really start at The Beginning. (For the newer readers, there's a little bit of sex in there.. Probably a touch of rock & roll. No drugs… well, a little bit of beer.)

When we last left off, Tom and I were in San Francisco. We'd ridden the bus and we'd gone to Chinatown.

At some point we discovered that a person could drink a beer on the streets in San Francisco.  This seemed like a cutting-edge idea and Tom and I, always wanting to partake of those things unique to a particular area so that we might better enjoy the color of the local community, thought we'd get a couple.

Well, actually, we thought we'd get a six-pack.

The interesting thing about drinking beer on the street is that you had to drink it out of a little paper bag. It gave the experience an indigent-wino feel.

"Do we need the bag," one of us asked the shopkeeper, "so the police won't know what we're doing?"  And yes, in retrospect, it seems like an odd question.

"No," we were told, "the police know exactly what you have in the bag, it's just the rule."  The shopkeeper went on to speculate that the bag might be needed so that children didn't see a bunch of people walking around drinking.

Beers in bags in hands and (and four more in a bigger bag), Tom and I hit the street.

We decided to take the tour of Alcatraz Island.

There was a sign on the ferry that took us to Alcatraz which stated that beer could not be taken to the island. Tom and I were pretty sure the sign meant "open beers" and figured the four we had in the bag wouldn't be a problem.

The things I remember about the Alcatraz Island trip are (in no particular order):

• As we got on the boat a guy took our photo. It was developed and waiting for us when we returned to the dock. It was not free.
• We were the only guys on the island with beer.
• We saw the cell Clint Eastwood was in during the filming of Escape from Alcatraz (1979).  The guy showing us around said the rest of the cells were not in the same condition of this cell as it had been fixed up a bit for the movie.
• In that cell was a jigsaw puzzle of, what I think is, a French seascape. I'd swear it was the same puzzle I put together and glued to cardboard for extra credit for my 10th grade French class (c. 1975)

I know it's not a lot to remember.  I'm sure we saw a lot more of the island.

The artillery piece in the photo on this page is located in Marysville, Ohio. I'm pretty sure it's aimed in such a way that the citizenry of the more-lightly-armed Plain City is careful to mind their P's and Q's.

Posted by delmer at 10:28 PM | Comments (6)

November 1, 2007

Happy Halloween

 Yesterday, a couple of the engineers and I went to a local restaurant for a Halloween lunch. They were giving out free appetizers for tables in which all the diners were in costumes.  As we'd had a Halloween party at work that morning the engineers were already in costume.  As I'd rode The Mighty Schwinn to work, I was able to slip into my biking gear — Lycra shorts, jersey, helmet and gloves — and join them without ruining their chance for free food.

"Who are you supposed to be?" the waitress me as she showed us to our table.

"Lance Armstrong," I replied.

"That was my first thought. But then I had a closer look."

"I'm pre-surgery Lance,"

"Ah. That explains it."

"Thank yo