What's a Delmer Look Like?

1. He is seriously scared of spiders, even dead ones!

Staying in The Boonies Delmer noticed a (dead) spider in my sister’s kitchen sink.  As he ran the tap (faucet) the water caused the spider to move and he jumped backwards, squealing like a girl!  We all teased him about that one for days!  He did point out that he squealed like a *big* girl though.

2. He can juggle

I think the juggling involved 3 lemons.  My children were very impressed.  He passed up the opportunity to demonstrate using a bowling ball, an egg and a chainsaw.

3. He can spin a basketball on the tip of his finger

Once again he impressed the children greatly.  On the day that we shopped for sports gear they found a ball for sale and insisted he demonstrated again right there in the store.  As basketball isn’t the big deal over here that it is in the States they ooooh’d and ahhhhh’d to the extent that Delmer felt he should buy the ball for them just to shut them up!  He very patiently taught them how to do it and we still have all the windows in tact…for now.

4. He can iron…and iron well!

In my experience there are not too many men who can do this, or at least not do it very well.  Not only can Delmer iron well, but he insists on his clothes being crease-free at all times.  I never iron if I can avoid it so this was a bit of a novelty, to say the least.

5. He does not believe anything I tell him!

Delmer needs to verify almost everything I tell him so that our conversations generally go like this:
Delmer:  Not that I don’t 100% trust you, BUT, I did just check this out to see for myself…
Me:  Well I did tell you!!
Delmer:  Like I said…I do believe you…now that I have checked the facts out…
(I am cracking up typing that one)

6. He has the driest wit of anyone I have ever met

We all know Delmer is hilariously funny, but hearing stories told straight from the horse’s mouth (umm, so to speak), you appreciate them even more.  He tells them in such a dead-pan manner that I cannot understand how he doesn’t crack himself up as everyone around him is crying with laughter.  His humour is extremely English in that respect, dry and self-deprecating.  He was a big hit here, not just with people I introduced him to, but bar staff, waitresses, store staff, even the supermarket delivery guy!  It seems a Delmer can charm the birds out of the trees! 

7. He snores like a train!

On our trip to The Boonies Delmer fell asleep in the car, head back, mouth wide open, and snored so loudly that we had to turn up the CD player!  The children, sitting in the back of the car, thought it was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing!

8. He needs to eat and drink almost constantly

If Delmer is not eating he is drinking (water, diet coke, or the occasional beer…) and he seems to need feeding every couple of hours or so.  Think “Little Shop of Horrors”.  I do not know how he stays in such great shape, but then he is a tad taller than your average person.

9. Lucky Pennies and Super Powers

If we were walking anywhere and Delmer saw a penny on the ground he would pick it up and put it in his shoe.  How he can even see the ground from that great height, I do not know.  They did perhaps bring him luck though.  He has often mentioned his Incredible Line Avoidance Super Power, (and I did bear witness to this on several occasions), but his other super power is that he can control the weather!  After the worst summer on record in England, on the day that Delmer arrived the temperatures suddenly soared, the rain stopped, and it stayed that way right up until the day he left – incredible!

10. A Delmer is a gentleman.  (He will hate this)

This may not come as a surprise to anyone who has met, or spent time with Delmer, and it didn’t to me, but I wanted to just say a few nice things, seeing as I have teased mercilessly in the above statements.  Delmer hates compliments and will always do his utmost to change the subject, so I know that he will squirm reading this section.  He really is a true gentleman, in every respect.  He opens doors, carries bags, refills wine glasses (very important!), brings wonderful gifts on visits, helps around the house (and garden) and is indeed a delight to be around.  (That was a Delmerism I slipped in to see if anyone noticed!)  You could not meet a kinder, funnier, more generous soul if you tried.  It’s my absolute pleasure to call him my friend.