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July 13, 2007
I'll bet you stuff like this never happens to women
Yesterday morning, as I stood in front of the toilet, taking my first pee of the day, I noticed a small butterfly in the bathroom. It was very close to my face and as it flew further away, and as my far-sightedness kicked in a bit, I noticed it changing shape. It changed shape to the point that just before it hit the toilet, a bit above the water line and a hair to the left of where I was causing the water to bubble form a head boil roil, it had turned into my contact lens. The left lens to be exact.
What to do?
I gave it a flush. It was a disposable lens and was overdue for replacement anyway.
And then I thought back to the trip to Williamsburg of a couple of weeks ago. During a rest break and as I stood above the toilet in a gas-station bathroom I noticed a fly buzzing around. He eventually flew into my stream which, powered by several liters of various fluids consumed over a couple hundred miles and aching to get out of me, drove him into the toilet.
"That's freakin' awesome!" I thought. "What are the odds?" That had never happened before, and I've been peeing for years.
My excitement was short lived however. The fly popped out of the toilet and then proceeded to buzz around the single-toilet-and-sink-sized restroom as I did my best to make sure he didn't land on me somewhere. I'm not a big fan of having dry flys land on me; a wet fly would be more than I could stand.
Unfortunately, by the time I'd thought of turning the water canon on him I was running low on pressure.
I'll bet you stuff like this never happens to women. It's my guess that this is where a whole lot of that penis-envy stuff comes from.
(In other news, last night I was watching a recorded The New Adventures of Old Christine and there was a bit where her brother makes a crack about grandma having taken salt shakers from restaurants when he'd eat out with her. This reminded me of something I hadn't thought of in years. When I worked at Lottie Moon's in Oxford, Ohio we would periodically lose condiments to thieves. Once two women were eating in and one of them put the A1 Steak Sauce in her purse. Women! In their late 30's or 40's! Not students! The server noticed right after the women walked out the door … where they paused to chat … so she walked to the door and gave them the "I know you stole a bottle of our A1" evil eye. The women noticed her, gave each other a nervous look, and scurried off.)
Posted by delmer at July 13, 2007 7:17 AM
Comments
Penis envy!!!!! So that's what we've all been suffering all these years...wow.....thanks for clearing that up Delmer!
PS. I knew too many days had gone by without a bathroom story!
Posted by: Pen at July 13, 2007 1:55 PM
Del,
Urine is a sterile solution, not unlike sterile saline. Perhaps if you drank your disinfecting solution, you could combine your morning pee and contact lens cleaning into a time saving one step process. We could market it under the name of Opti-Pee Express Relief or the like. I think you've stumbled into something.
Dr. D
Posted by: Darrell at July 13, 2007 7:39 PM
Pen: Don't you think women would be just a smidge happier if they could spell their names in the snow?
Darrold: Would that come out as a no-rub solution?
I don't know if I blogged about this, but about two weeks ago, Jack found the same contact in the toilet, up above the water line. Working from the urine-is-sterile point of view, I cleaned it that time and popped it back in. I figured twice in the toilet is one (at least) too many times.
BTW, I just had dinner with Roy.
Posted by: delmer at July 14, 2007 12:08 AM
No Rub solution would be convenient but might kill sells. We could add "with Advanced Lubricants" or "Enhanced Performance Moisture-Lok Guarantee".
Maybe we could get Roy and meet somewhere. Ming I assume is out (unless we meet in California!)
Posted by: Darrell at July 14, 2007 10:05 AM