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May 9, 2007
I'll be flashing you
About a year ago the Air Bag light on my dashboard came on. A day or two after that I noticed my Cruise Control wasn't working. A day or two later I noticed my horn didn't work.
Over the course of the year I've made some half-assed attempts to fix the problem. I banged on the dash a little bit. I banged on the horn some. I'd piddle with the Cruise Control buttons … just in case.
I asked for opinions from some of the motorheads at work. (Motorheads aren't always in the know when it comes to minivans and one of the ones I have access to told me that one of his great pleasures in life is that none of his relatives own Dodges so he never has to work on one.)
I asked for opinions at the auto parts store once but came up empty.
Something told me that there was probably a twisted and broken wire under the horn somewhere and that that was the problem. A long time ago I had an '84 Olds Cutlass with the cruise control and wiper functions on the turn signal arm; twisting the arm to actuate the wipers eventually broke the wire that made the cruise work.
The steering wheel spins, you know, so I thought maybe something in that assembly had gotten twisted. And even as I thought that I was a little put off that they (the auto companies) hadn't figured out a way to make something like this work without having things break.
At times, over the course of the year, I thought about Googling on the problem to see what turned up. Naturally, I was never at a computer when that thought hit me. (I was normally in the Van.)
Other times I'd think about taking a screwdriver to the van and looking for the twisted and broken wire.
A couple of days ago that thought hit me while I actually had a screwdriver in my hand and I got busy.
I won't bore you with all the details but I was able to successfully remove and reinstall the cowling behind the steering wheel and then the horn-button/air bag assembly without setting the air bag off in my face. When everything was back together I considered that a smarter man might have disconnected the battery before getting near the air bag.
Anyway. The whole thing took about 15 minutes. There were no broken wires hanging loose. This, of course, didn't keep me from unplugging and replugging any of the connectors I could get to. (They were there. They were begging to be touched.)
The next day I drove the kids to school. On the way I noticed my turn signals didn't work.
That was kind of a bummer.
That was also the day I Googled "Caravan +'Air bag' +cruise." The Google blurb for one of the top hits read something like, "My horn doesn't work, my air bag light is on, and my cruise control isn't working ..."
It's a known problem. It's covered by a recall at no cost to the vehicle owner (I have an appointment to get my van serviced tomorrow.)
The problem? An item called the Clock Spring. I think this is the magic piece that lets the steering wheel turn without tearing loose the wires that allow cruise and horn to work.
If only I hadn't busted my turn signals. What could have happened? If I were to apply the same logic the computer users used at a place I used to work (not the place I work now) I would have been truly puzzled. Once in a while someone at that place would spill a Mountain Dew (I hope) into their keyboard and call me for assistance with absolutely no idea as to why their keyboard quit working … or, at my request they'd turn off their screen saver to see if maybe their computer would quit locking up daily and then after 5 weeks of problem-free computing they'd tell me the computer froze again that day and when I'd say "Rats, I thought turning off your screen saver might have fixed the problem" they'd say, "Well I turned it on again this morning," and then I'd say "Do you think you could turn it off again," and then they'd say, "I don't see how that will help anything," and then I'd beat them to death with a keyboard all the while slinging Mountain Dew (I hope) all over their coworkers.
But I was not truly puzzled. I was able to recognize the following set of circumstances for what they were:
It was probably something I did.
But I hadn't done anything! I'd unplugged something and then plugged it back in! Of course, I hadn't disconnected the battery — maybe I blew a fuse or did to a relay whatever it is you do to a relay that causes it to quit working.
And, I had pulled a couple of relays out of the fuse panel when I was working on the van. Just because.
Anyway, I checked all the fuses under the dash and under the hood. I removed the relays I'd removed before and made sure they were reseated. I checked the numbers on the relays, to make sure they had the same part number, and swapped their slots.
Later that day I checked the fuses under the dash again.
The next day I checked all the fuses once more. And moved the relays again.
Today, after work, I turned on my emergency flashers (I knew they were still working). I figured it had to be a bad flasher relay and I assumed the emergency flashers and the turn signals used different relays. I thought maybe I'd swap one for the other.
With the emergency flashers on I laid a finger on one of the relays I'd played with. It was vibrating as the flashers flashed. So was the other relay. And, naturally, the whole fuse panel, inasmuch everything was connected. I noticed that as my finger went from the relays and up the panel, more toward the top, the vibrating seemed to get stronger. I stuck my head up under the dash and found another relay … a larger relay (and I had thought the two relays I'd been working with were kind of small, but the last time I'd goofed around with a flasher relay was like 1979) … a manly relay … a relay that was kind of hanging loose from the panel almost as if it had been bumped when I had my hands under the dash tracing a wiring harness.
I pushed it back in.
My air bag deployed.
Wouldn't that have been an awesome ending to the story? What really happened is that my turn signals started working.
I'm so excited. You can bet I'll be taking the long way to work tomorrow!
Posted by delmer at May 9, 2007 8:48 PM
Comments
You had me there. I let out a loud "DOH!"
Posted by: The Phoenix at May 10, 2007 11:33 AM
FWIW, the clock spring is part of the air bag system. I know of a thief who jammed his/her screwdriver into a steering column on a Cadillac rental car for the purpose of stealing it. He/she hit one of the clock spring wires and the air bag deployed in his/her ear. The thief got away but there was blood all over the car. Air bags deploy with explosives. It's quite violent.
Posted by: Rob at May 10, 2007 11:34 AM
What, *I think*, is amazing, is just how easy it is to get the air bag out of my minivan. With the right tool (and, by this, I mean one you already have if anyone has ever given you even the cheapest of socket sets) you can have the assembly in your hand in under 5 minutes.
Of course, then it's haging by a wire and I don't know what happens when that wire is cut.
Posted by: delmer at May 11, 2007 8:41 AM