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May 5, 2007
Hot Fuzz
I went to see Hot Fuzz today and read a bit of On the Road while I was in the snack line. I ran across the following bit:
Dean had a sweater wrapped around his ears to keep warm. He said we were a band of Arabs coming in to blow up New York.
I just thought it was interesting.
Hot Fuzz was pretty good. It's a minute over two hours and it didn't feel anywhere near that long.
Unfortunately, about 10-minutes into the movie a couple of women came in and sat behind me. We were in one of the smaller theaters and I usually sit in the very back row when I'm in one of those; there's more leg room. Today when I walked in to the theater there was just one other person seated and he was in the back row. He'd been sort of talkative in the ticket line and I was afraid he'd misunderstand my going to the movie by myself to mean that I wanted to talk to strangers before the previews started when, in fact, I wanted to read. So I moved forward a row.
Which is how I wound up with two women sitting behind me 10 minutes into the movie.
Of course, they didn't come in and sit right down. The came in, took a position behind my right ear, and talked for about a minute about where they'd sit among the six people who were already seated. They decided sitting in the very back would be best … probably because they brought their own snacks in and they figured they'd be more likely to go undetected if they sat in the very back.
And they might have gone undetected had they not had a bunch of squeaky toys in the bag with the snacks. Each time one of them reached into the bag one of these toys would squeak. For an hour.
And of course, I'm lying. They didn't have a bunch of squeaky toys. But they were eating out of a bag that made an incredibly loud rustling sound. For an hour.
I know what you're thinking. This story sounds familiar. Did you steal this story from Dave? Are you really so uncreative that you have to steal from others?
Well, yes. But, no.
Dave's story involves three rude bitches and a crinkly bag of Doritos whereas my story involves two rude bitches and a rustling bag of some unknown food substance.
I did do the following math though. If it is roughly 2500 miles to Seattle and Dave had trouble with movie wenches about three months ago they would have had to travel 833 miles each month in order to make it to Columbus to eat snacks in my ear in time for Hot Fuzz.
Had they seen the previews for Hot Fuzz before Pan's Labyrinth? How many movies did they see on the way? What happened to the third wench?
Fortunately the snacks were gone by 6 p.m. How do I know? The rustling had stopped about 10 minutes prior to the 6 o'clock alarm on the watch one of the women had received as a gift went off. How do I know it was a gift? She had no idea how to turn it off.
She should get a Timex. I have one and any one of the five buttons around the dial will turn the alarm off when it sounds.
Anyway, I was looking forward to Hot Fuzz since I first saw the previews a while back. It's getting pretty good reviews and I can only guess that attendance was low today due to the fact that Spider-Man 3 was showing on several screens and everybody and their brother were going to see it.
Posted by delmer at May 5, 2007 10:18 PM
Comments
But what happened to that third rude bitch? My guess is that the three of them stopped to see a movie somewhere along the way, and she didn't survive the experience, having been killed by a movie patron far less forgiving than us.
Posted by: Dave2 at May 6, 2007 2:08 PM
I wondered about her as well.
I think you may be on to something.
Posted by: delmer at May 7, 2007 1:50 PM