What's a Delmer Look Like?

In the end I didn't have any drugs. It also took close to 3 hours by the time I left the doctor's office. I arrived at 10:30, got right in, and I was back at work at 1:30. So, we'll say the procedure and post-procedure stuff took 2.5 hours.

Prior to the zapping a nurse had me change into footies, a pair of stunning paper shorts, and one of those gowns that ties in the back. I'm pretty sure I looked rather fetching in the ensemble; there is no way in the world a person could feel as sexy as I felt and not look good. To have that happen would defy all fashion logic.

I stopped off in a small room and started making my way through an old copy of Home and Away Magazine. Right about the point I was convinced I wanted to honeymoon at Old Man's Cave if I were to ever get married again, the doctor came in. He told me about the procedure and about what I could expect. I paid very close attention and then forgot all about anything that didn't involve lasers.

From this room I went into a larger room that had something like an inversion table in it. I laid on the table, it was inclined to 30 degrees - I don't remember why, maybe to get the blood to flow more toward my feet - and one of the nurses went to work sterilizing my leg with iodine and a big sponge on a stick. Next the doc gave me shots all the way up my leg from my knee to my groin -- they were very-hard-to-feel shots and a couple of them I didn't feel at all. I believe those shots were to numb the leg as a larger needle was then used to inject fluid around the vein -- this fluid would serve to insulate the vein and absorb the heat of the laser. These shots weren't troublesome either, though as the doc got closer to the tools I got a little nervous (And I think this is one of those primal things -- sort of like having the gas heater on in the garage ... it's useless but seeing the flames makes me feel better. I was certain the doc wasn't going to haul off and pin my manhood to the inside of my thigh with a needle ... but I still had to worry a bit about it; it's only natural).

In the room with me was the doctor, two nurses and two women from another hospital who were there to observe. The doctor and I were the only guys.

At one point one of the nurses needed something and I started to reach for it. Always the helper, I decided I'd lend a hand and made a reach for it myself which would have taken my hands into the sterilized area. Mid-move she looked at me and said pleasantly, "Keep your hands up there."

"Just like the Prom," I said. Everybody was kind enough to laugh.

A wire was inserted into the vein. I can't remember why. Then a sheath of some sort and finally the wire with the laser tip. The doctor pulled the wire slowly out of my vein with the laser activated. Everybody in the room had safety glasses on.

I'd been told that near the end of the procedure I might taste cauliflower in my mouth and toward the end the doctor asked me if I could taste anything. For some reason I was concentrating on trying to taste something metallic -- I don't know why, but somehow I'd forgotten all about the vegetable reference -- and told the doc that I didn't taste anything at all. As I kept trying to taste something metallic I noticed I had the overwhelming taste of cauliflower.

The whole time this was going on I was able to see the X-ray machine and the ultrasound. It was pretty cool.

With the procedure finished it was time to put the support pantyhose on. Let me tell you, these babies are tight -- tight enough at the top to give Nichole Richie love handles. (Of course, if you pull them up over the love handles, they are extra-super slimming. And they add a level of ass firmness that reminds me of a scene in Death Becomes Her.)

Each nurse took a foot and started working the hose up on me. I asked one if she'd made sure the fly went on the front - it's my understanding that not all hose come with a fly but, as my were made-to-order due to long leggedness, mine did - I wanted to make sure the nurse didn't forget about it.

"No," said the nurse, "Today all flys go in the back." she said jokingly.

"Well," I explained, "I know they all don't have flys and I didn't want you to forget and put it in the back."

"You do know," said the other nurse joining in good-naturedly, "that these hose have heels and toes in them, right?"

Of course I knew. I'd just forgotten.

So, there was one nurse at each foot, both struggling to pull a pants-like garment up one me. After a minute or two I glanced down and said, "You know, this is the exact opposite of a dream I keep having."

After the hose were on I got dressed, was given some care instructions, and was told I needed to take a 20-minute walk in the hallway to make sure everything was OK.

I was back at work at 1:30 p.m.

I had the best doctor a person could hope for. We talked the whole time, he described everything to me as he did his work, he and the two nurses in the room had a good rapport and the two bonus nurses were pleasant as well.

After the process I took a look at the blood pressure machine and noticed I was at 110/60 -- this isn't bad as my BP is typically 120/70. So, after getting an IV, getting poked with some needles up and down the inside of my leg, and after having laser tipped wire inserted into a vein and worked up to my groin area and then withdrawn I was actually more relaxed than I typically am when I'm at the doctor getting a checkup.

Of course, I was pretty sure this process wouldn't involve a prostate exam.

To summarize: Everything went well. There was never any pain past the small pinches of some of the shots. I didn't need any pain medicine. The first night after the procedure the leg woke me up a couple of times, last night it didn't

The picture below shows the hose on me. You can see the bandage on the inside of my leg. I've put up pictures of me in cycling tights before, so, skin-tight outerwear is nothing new. What's new is that I am outside in nothing but pantyhose and underwear (and a shirt). Outside ... in my underwear. See mom -- no cops.