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« Wild Hogs and Ghost Rider | Main | Clean the Sheets »

March 6, 2007

I have an itch

I have got the worst case of dry skin. EVER. I itch all over.

Honest to God. It is so bad I've been seriously thinking about calling my friend Natalie and begging her to set me up with someone with a nice set of claws. And if not a nice set of claws, maybe just a nice set.

No. The claws are important.

Unfortunately, as it happens, just the other night I sent Natalie a mail explaining that I really wasn't of the mind to meet new women and I'm pretty sure that the rules of friendship require that at least a week pass before e-mails that contradict other e-mails are sent. Of course this only applies to men sending e-mails to women or other men. Women can send messed up crap to each other all day long; mere moments only need pass between their contradictory e-mailings. The governing restriction is set simply by the words-per-minute a woman can type; it's in their handbook.

So it looks like I'm on my own.

I've got plenty of oils and lotions that I could slather on myself to try to get some relief. In the kitchen alone I've got:

  • Olive Oil which smells nice and is good for the skin. It is sort of expensive and should probably be used only for special occasions.

  • Pam which comes in a spray can and would be easy to apply. The nozzle, unfortunately, is a bit clogged and I need it for pancakes (somehow I keep burning it when I cook).

  • Generic Vegetable Oil, and enough of it that I could apply with a paint roller. No way.

    • In the bathroom I've got a big jug of that yellow lotion that everybody has. It is so common, in fact, that it doesn't even get a bullet point. Neither does the bottle of stuff from Avon that may be called bath oil -- I know the name of the product seems to suggest that you could dump it right in the tub and soak in it.

    The big problem I have with any of this stuff is that I don't like the feel of oil on my skin. You know, when I'm alone. And since I can't keep myself from sending e-mails to my friends telling them I'm not in the mood to meet any body lotion applicators women, it looks like I'm out of luck for at least the rest of the week.

    Posted by delmer at March 6, 2007 12:03 AM

    Comments

    Sarna Lotion is your friend. :-)

    Posted by: Dave2 at March 5, 2007 11:32 PM

    Sarna returned some very positive Google hits. This morning I broke down and threw some Skin So Soft on my arms, legs and the bits of the back I can reach.

    I'm angel soft.

    Posted by: delmer at March 6, 2007 9:55 AM

    "I have an itch"......me too......

    Posted by: Pen at March 6, 2007 5:08 PM

    Have you considered a getting a hand-held shower massager? The next entry explains the the usefulness of the item.

    Posted by: delmer at March 6, 2007 10:09 PM

    Son: I just finnished reading your blog of 3/6/07. You should have called me before you wasted so much time and effort on all those unproven itch remedies.(except the pressure wash) It has been my experience that WD-40 works miracles on just about any skin condition including exema, seborhea, and psoriasis. I recommend you spray it on the affected areas in the morning of days when you don't have to leave home. Avoid open flames. Wash thoroughly before going to bed. Dad

    Posted by: Dad at March 8, 2007 8:56 AM