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February 23, 2007
WWGCD
I had a minor surgery scheduled for yesterday afternoon. And while it was one of the first things I was going to have done since my insurance change it was nothing I was worried about. Nothing big.
As I drove to the doctor's office I spent some time considering what an idiot I've been concerning my contacts. Not only did I quit wearing the contacts I had due to the fact that they seemed to quit working well for me, but when I got new contacts -- granted, more than a year later -- I chose, as the best solution for my eyes, almost the exact same prescription I'd been wearing before.
A person should really be in better touch with his body.
On top of this, if finally struck me yesterday just what my problem was regarding getting the contacts to fit in my eyes. In my defense, the multi-focal contacts are a big as manhole covers, so I may have more of a challenge than other folks. Again though, you'd think I'd have a better clue about my person.
Anyway.
Like I said, the surgery was minor and didn't even require that I be put under. I was on my back, awake, the whole time while the nurse and doctor went about their business. I mostly tried to lie there relaxed and not appear to nervous. This became increasingly hard when the doctor stopped cutting and got a worried look on her face. She turned to the nurse, they exchanged some quiet words, I heard the nurse say something like, "I checked the pre-approval paperwork myself," and then there was some more quiet talk.
Finally the doctor looked down at me and asked, "Is there a chance you've already had a vasectomy?"
Oh f*ck I thought. I knew something about this felt familiar -- just after the shot to the testicles I'd had one of the biggest deja-vu experiences of my life.
What would George Costanza do?
"Wait, I'm not here for a vasectomy," I said. "I just want a tune up!"
"A tune up?" the doctor exclaimed, "what do you mean? What's a tune up?"
"I don't know. You're the doctor. Whatever you normally do for a tune up."
"There's no such thing as a tune up!" she said, her voice taking on a tone of you-gotta-be-shitting-me-ness.
"Okay, then. Well ... uh, generally speaking, how do things look down there?"
"Very nice," she said, seeming to calm down a bit. "Is that tattoo what I think it is?"
"Yep," I said, always eager to talk about my tattoo. After all, not a lot of people get to see it. "I put it on myself."
"Did you use an actual Spirograph to apply it."
"Yes I did," I said, finding it a bit hard to hide the pride I felt in my work.
"It looks like you had to use one of the larger wheels."
"Thank you for noticing."
Posted by delmer at February 23, 2007 7:13 AM
Comments
Um... Really?
Posted by: Kyra at February 23, 2007 3:11 PM
Well, I wish.
Posted by: delmer at February 23, 2007 3:25 PM
I thought it was "Welcome to the State of Ohio" but all you could "normally" see was the "Wo".
Posted by: Mikeo at February 23, 2007 9:38 PM
Once again, I wish.
Posted by: delmer at February 23, 2007 11:14 PM