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November 21, 2006
Twelve Steps
I just had a WTF-am-I-doing moment. As the phone rang for the third time I thought, "WTF am I doing calling the CEO at home at 6:45 a.m.?!"
Now, he's got kids in school, so I'm sure he'll be up soon enough, but, you know, that last 15 minutes before the alarm goes off is the sweetest 15 minutes of sleep a man gets. Unless, of course, he's got to pee really bad and has had to for the last two hours but was too lazy to get out of bed.
I was watching Seinfeld last night. It was the episode in which George needs to break a one-hundred dollar bill and he and Kramer go to a newsstand to buy gum. The newsstand guy, an African American, tells the boys that gum is not enough. Kramer ends up buying a paper, a Penthouse Forum, and a Clark Bar. As he opens the Clark Bar he gives the newsstand guy a sly wink and says, "I like my women like I like my candy. Chocolate on the outside and nutty on the inside."
The newsstand guys says, "I hear you brother. But aren't they all a little nutty on the inside?"
Anyway, this all happened before I saw the bit about Michael Richards destroying his career. I was going to post the above bit, highlighting The Clark Bar and leaving out the stuff about women (which, as you know, I fabricated), up until I started flipping channels and stumbled across Mike's rant. WTF was he thinking? It was so way beyond calling the CEO as 6:45 a.m.
The news story I saw had a creeper across the bottom of the screen. The "n" word was represented as "n****r." When I was little we used to toss the word out conversationally because we didn't know better and it wasn't a derogatory term (Well, we were kids and didn't know it was. This was the mid- and late-60's). Now, I can't bring myself to say it, or spell it out. Sort of like c*nt,
P*ssy and c*ck also bother me when used to describe portions of the anatomy. It's one of the reasons I never had a speaking role when I was a porn star. I could never sell a scene in which I had to say one of those words and "Take it all bitch" only gets you so far. Eventually my roles were reduced to being the guy who gets involved in a hot lesbian twosome and turns the girls back to our team. The catering on those movies suck and I decided to leave the business for IT. Now the only racks I see on a regular basis are Hubbells.
There you have it. Full disclosure.
I've never had a bad experience brought on by a non-dirtbally white person, black person, or Asian person.
Any sucking-the-life-out-of me I-want-to-kill-myself experiences have all come as the result of relationships I've had with women. There have been a handful of these over the years (and there's some pretty good blog material there) and there have been times I've hated all women as a group without regard to race, creed, or choice of footwear. I've always been able to overcome my hatred of women by focusing on the good that I know exists in each and every one of them.
Once I participated in a 12-step program that helped me a great deal. Months before I'd been devastated by a short redhead which left me hating women. One night I found myself with a medium-height blonde. Between the two of us we had 12 articles of clothing on and by the time the last article hit the floor I was pretty much cured.
We should always try to look for the good in people.
Posted by delmer at November 21, 2006 6:51 AM
Comments
The part where you make lesbians go straight cracked me up. Very funny stuff, although it may show your prejudice against gay women.
Posted by: Darrell at November 21, 2006 1:39 PM
Hmmm. Gay women have never left me emotionally devastated.
Posted by: delmer at November 21, 2006 2:35 PM
"Between the two of us we had 12 articles of clothing on and by the time the last article hit the floor I was pretty much cured."......oh my God that made me laugh!
I'm glad you don't hate women anymore :)
Posted by: Pen at November 22, 2006 2:24 AM
I think AA and some of the other 12-step programs could learn a thing or two from me.
Posted by: delmer at November 22, 2006 10:27 AM
Delmer,Delmer,Delmer I'm laughing so hard I am crying--probably won't be able to see to fix that turcky.
Posted by: Mom at November 22, 2006 3:03 PM
Mom: All of this is just my way of saying Happy Thanksgiving. Will we be having white cake with white icing tomorrow?
Posted by: delmer at November 22, 2006 11:04 PM
Teehee...that rack joke was good.
I am afraid of Russian people, but that is only because many of the women I saw in Turkey had very bad dress sense and it scared my sensitive visual side....
Now i have to go do my pre-turkey eating stretches. Yoga for Gluttons, it's a great video....
Posted by: karla at November 23, 2006 3:12 PM
Russians used to scare me when I was little. That's because we used to, once in a while, practice hiding under our school desks in preparation for the day the Russians dropped 'the big one' on us.
Texans scare me more now. But really, only one of them. And only for a couple more years.
Posted by: delmer at November 23, 2006 5:12 PM