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August 28, 2006
On the Road to OSU: Act II
As you may recall from On The Road to OSU, which I really should have called On The Road to OSU: Act I, Tom, Dick, Cindy and I were on our way to The Ohio State University in my sweet, sweet ride, The Bruise.
Where were we? I believe the State Highway Patrolman had just informed me that he was going to perform a safety check on my car. We'd already established the fact that my front license tag was not on the front of my VW -- it was in a closet at home.
"Let me hear your horn," the officer said, as he stood by the driver-side door.
"The horn doesn't work," I explained, as he leaned in a little to watch me depress the horn activation mechanism (Was it a button? Was it one of those wire-like rings?)
"Where are your car keys?!" he exclaimed, having noticed the lack of such as he admired my horn-honking technique.
"I lost those in Kentucky. The car's hot wired."
And it was. In order to start the car a toggle switch had to be flipped up and a button had to be pressed. To kill the engine the toggle switch was flipped down.
"Son. This doesn't look good. You've been drinking, you've got no front tag, and the car's hot wired. Step back to the cruiser."
And so ends On the Road to OSU: Act II.
If you've watched any TV you have undoubtedly seen somebody hot wire a car. A guy finds himself in a car he needs to start and he hasn't got the keys. He simply reaches up under the dash, finds a couple of wires -- that have the ends already stripped -- touches them together -- and in an instant is speeding down the road in pursuit of or away from the bad guys. You have always known this was bullshit -- everybody knows this is bullshit. And, yet, Hollywood continues to insult us.
First of all, there are more than two wires involved. I'm not an electrician, as I will prove by my description of the process, but I knew that before I even tried to hot wire The Bruise.
Sure, you've got the wire you touch to the hot wire (the one providing the juice to things like lights, the radio) that engages the starter and cranks the engine over. And you can crank all day, or until the battery dies, but unless you make another connection ... and this one probably sends juice to the coil, the plugs, whatever ... the car is not going to start. This whole thing may be called the ignition system; I'm not a mechanic either.
What I am is a person with common sense. I knew that getting the starter to crank would not be enough and I knew that if I could get a look at the back of the assembly the ignition key went into all the wires I'd need to play around with would be there. And they were. And none of them were pre-stripped and hanging loose.
I don't remember if I had to take, er, break, the ignition assembly out of the column. I do remember that I had to bust the steering-wheel locking mechanism. You know, if you don't do that you end up driving in a circle or in a straight line ... either scenario will keep you from catching or getting away from the bad guys.
Posted by delmer at August 28, 2006 7:03 AM
Comments
I don't think thieves ever touch wires any more. Do you go to jail in Act III?
Posted by: Rob at August 28, 2006 10:13 PM
I can't spoil the surprise.
Posted by: delmer at September 3, 2006 10:04 AM