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July 5, 2006
The Trip to Mechanicsburg
Yesterday afternoon I set of toward Mechanicsburg, Ohio on my trusty Schwinn. The ride, according to Gmap Pedometer was going to come in right at 25 miles for a 50-mile round-trip excursion.
We'd had storms move through earlier yesterday and more were expected. These were to be of the pop-up variety, most likely, and hard to plan for. My original intention was to lunch in Mechanicsburg; waiting for the weather sort of pushed that back.
I must have hit the road around 3 p.m.
Oh, and I was pretty sure the Mom & Pop restaurant I was certain Mechanicsburg would have would be closed, so I packed an apple in addition to my three liters of water.
The trip out was rough. I don't know how hard the wind has to blow to take it's toll, but pedaling was harder than I'd hoped it would be. The pedaling that normally took me to 16-17 mph was returning 13-14 mph. Three miles per hour isn't a lot when you're tooling down the road at 70 in a Buick -- on a bike going less than 20 it's a greater percentage of the total.
I held on though ... assuming the wind would be at my back on the way home.
I was a little concerned about rain that might come in. Concerned, mostly, that a brief storm would blow through and behind it would the calm that sometimes follows a storm. A calm that kills the wind. (By God, if I was going to fight the wind on the way out I wanted it at my back on the way in!)
I used my pseudo-country-boy-Spider sense to try to figure out how likely getting rained on might be. This 'sense' is comprised mainly of observing clouds and livestock. The clouds looked fine and the livestock -- cows actually -- were of little help ... half were sitting, half were standing.
Do Cows sit before it rains? This comes form Usenet.
Sort of like cows sitting down before it rains (change in pressure causes insects to fly lower, so the cows sit or lay down to get away from the insects)
This too:
Didn't you know that cows sit down when it's about to rain?? It's so they can get a dry spot and not have to sit in the wet.
Are cows really sitting? Dogs sit. And dogs lie down. If a dog were in the same position a cow was in when we say that cow was sitting, we'd say the dog was lying. I think cows lie. I don't know that I've ever seen a cow sit ... a horse, once or twice, in a movie ... a cow ... no. I know when a cow is on its back and you rub its belly really hard her hind leg will go all crazy, just like a dog. This is part of the reason we keep cows in barns instead of living rooms. Crazy-leg cows are hard on the furniture.
(Prediction: At some point someone will come to this site after having Googled "crazy leg cow")
I rolled into Mechanicsburg having averaged 14.1 mph for 24.5 miles. I was tired.
As I'd thought, the local restaurants were closed. There was a Subway shop that was opened, but the couple in front of me was taking far to long to decide whether or not they wanted pickles on their subs and I lost interest in ordering. The Schwinn was out of eyeball range and I was concerned for its safety. It's not like the Mechanicsburg Crips were likely to do a drive-by and blow out my tires, it's just that I didn't want to fall victim to some good-natured small-town lets-throw-this-bike-in-the-back-of-the-pickup fun. I really don't think that was likely to happen either -- but what do I know? I mean half the tippable objects in the area were already sitting/lying ... country kids gotta have their fun somehow.
While in the Subway shop I decided to take a bathroom break. Now, sometimes I give out too much information -- if you're a regular reader, you might understand what I'm talking about and you may want to skip down to the next paragraph. Anyway, at the Subway shop I decided to take a bathroom break and, during the course of this operation managed to pee on the tile wall just a bit. I know, I know I know. I've been peeing unassisted for decades now and hope to continue doing so for several more decades ... how does this happen? I can blame it on: The Costanza Effect -- dehydration leads to shrinkage just as being in a pool does .... and ... The Bicycle Shorts Effect -- which kind of mushes things around and leaves them at unfamiliar angles; the shorts also help with the shrinkage thing. (I felt pretty bad about the wall-tinkling until I got home and peed on my own floor due to the same things.)
I had Combos and jerky for a snack.
The ride home was excellent. The wind was at my back and I hit stretches where I was doing a fairly easy 25 mph. I was not about to die when I got home -- I was just tired.
(FWIW: I've tinkled several times since the Subway incident and, much like Elvis Costello, my aim is true.)
Posted by delmer at July 5, 2006 7:30 AM
Comments
I've known guys that have gotten tired of cleaning up messes due to such shrinkage phenomena, and decided to sit.
I find that both amusing and horrifying.
It's not fun peeing on your own bathroom floor, since you have to clean it up.
Gives new meaning to "friendly fire."
Posted by: The Phoenix at July 5, 2006 7:15 PM
I still don't know how my kids miss the toilet as often as they do. They're so much closer.
Posted by: delmer at July 6, 2006 5:59 AM