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June 5, 2006
I am not the smartest man you will ever meet
(This post has been sent back in time to Monday -- June 5, 2006. But really, everything that happened here happened on Tuesday June 6. This just became terribly long and, well, I broke it across two days ... that will both be posted on the 6th ... sometimes I'm a slug.)
And while I'm not the smartest man, there are days when the I am brilliant. Days when I can do no wrong. Days when I am just a half step away from being Superman.
Today was not one of those days.
I awoke early with a full bladder. A quick trip to the bathroom took care of this problem while a glance at the surrounding tile and porcelain surfaces indicated my aim had been dead on. As I'd spent a portion of Sunday cleaning the bathrooms, this was good. A promising start to any day.
It was just after 5 a.m. and, while I can stroll into work any time before 9 and not feel like I'm late, I thought I'd go in early and get some things done that would make the lives of my coworkers better.
Specifically, the CEO is getting an ODBC error that I thought I'd work on and our AP Clerk is suffering from sluggish-PC syndrome.
I showered and shaved (no nicks or cuts ... another promising sign) then dressed. I was out the door and on my way to McDonald's by 5:30 a.m.
A new woman waited on me at Micky D's. She was unaware that I get the same thing each and every day so I had to say, "One egg McMuffin, a fruit and yogurt parfait and a really big diet Pepsi ... er Coke."
Ordering the largest drinks possible from restaurants sometimes presents problems. I always want the biggest one they have. Sometimes it's a Super Size. Sometimes it's a Biggie, sometimes its an Extra Large. Sometimes it's a Large.
Prior to this morning I'd say "Super Size." Today I just said "the biggest" and then I felt foolish for not knowing what the drink size was called and I looked at the menu. It said "Large."
On some level I was aware that Micky D's had once had Super Size drinks. I also know our McDonald's did away with them for a while back when goofballs were suing McDonald's for making them fat and that ding-a-ling Spurlock was creating pseudo-documentaries about eating there. (Folks ... I eat at McDonald's several times a week. Sometimes seven days a week. I've dropped 135 pounds)
Anyway, Super Size drinks had returned a while ago -- but I was never really sure they were officially called Super Size.
I continued my thought, "I guess that's Large."
The gal pushed some buttons and I saw the price come up -- $4.44 or thereabouts. I normally pay $5.06 and, while I didn't think tax was 62 cents, I said, "Oh. That's for here." She pushed another button, I scanned my card, she grabbed what used to be the Super Size cup and headed toward the drink machine. The new price, I noticed, was still well under $5.06.
"I've made a mistake," I said, "it looks like I ordered wrong."
One of the women who waits on me daily stepped over and said, "He wants a Super Size."
So. While it is not on the menu, my McDonald's does have Super Size drinks and they are called Super Size. Which is how I've been ordering them all along. Today, I tried to play by the menu and goofed up.
I got the Super Size for the price of a Large. Guilt would keep me from going back for a free refill.
As I cleared my table I was thinking ahead to the stuff I was going to get done at work. It was going to be a spectacular day ... I was sure.
As I left I smashed my finger between the swinging trash receptacle lid and the plastic grommet mounted to the side that is there to keep a person from smashing his finger between the swinging lid and the trash bin opening.
That should have been the first clue that today may not be as spectacular as I hoped it would be.
(This is where this part ends. To celebrate having typed this much I decided to reward myself with a cup of oatmeal and a little bit of protein drink. I eat like this not because I'm a health nut, but because it is convenient. I fill two cups with water -- one from the cold-water faucet the other from the coffee machines hot-water spigot -- and then scoop protein powder into the cold water and old fashioned oats into the hot water. Just this second I dumped the protein into the hot cup. You know that's going to taste swell.)
Posted by delmer at June 5, 2006 7:06 AM